Grams sorry to hear about your case.
While its too early for me to tell you if what I am doing is working or not, I can tell you what happened so far:
I sent an e-mail to chennai asking them what should I do to start processing 'follow-to-join' for my spouse. and this is what they replied
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Dear Sir,
(Please send all these documents only after you become a Legal Permanent Resident of U.S)
For following to join cases, we need confirmation of principal applicant's Legal Permanent Resident Status (LPR) from the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Please send the following notarized documents to our office.
Approval Notice (Form I-797)
Entire Passport pages
Green Card (Both sides)
Marriage Certificate
Applicant's Birth Certificate
Local address.
We will verify the LPR status with the INS and send packet #3 to
applicant's address. This may take 2 to 3 months time.
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This is what happened after that:
(Aug 7th)I sent all the above papers notarized(I assumed that Approval notice is I-485 Approval notice and for Green card I sent the temp I-551 stamp in the passport)
(Aug 14th) I sent an e-mail asking them if they received my papers and if they need any other document to start the process.
(Aug 21st) They replied that they have not received my papers and asked me to send again all the papers
(Aug 22nd) They replied again saying that they got all the papers and they will check my LPR status and then they will send packet 3 to my local address and it will take 1 to 2 months for this to happen.
(Oct 2nd) I sent an e-mail saying that I understand that they are waiting for the INS to confirm my LPR status, meanwhile is it ok to send Packet 3 and other documents that my lawyer has prepared
(Oct 3rd) they replied saying that I can send only DS230 Part 1 and DS 169. I asked my wife to send the very same day.
As I said, only after I receive the interview date, I would confirm that they were working on my case, till then I have no reason to believe that they are not working on my case.
Based on my experience so far I noticed 2 things:
1. They rarely respond to phone calls, but they are good in responding to E-mails.
2. For follow to join cases, you have to make it clear to them (in all communications) that its 'Follow-to-join'. My wife went to chennai consulate to give the papers directly and they were so confused.
I will keep this board posted, If I hear anything from chennai.
good luck