Your only dissent with my post is that we should do only what we want to do and not bend over backwards just for "integration's sake".
--- dude i am not dissenting, i have every right to express my views just as you do. what do you mean by dissent? i think divergence/difference of opinion might be a better term. you might dissent with your father/mother....you are not my father/mother.
DISCLAIMER: The following "you"s don't mean you Michael
There is some truth to it and I agree to not bend over backwards for the sake of it. The point I am making is that now that we have chosen to live in a foreign country, we also have to make a choice of how much we want to be a part of this country. Either you can be totally hands-off, like those who do not speak English and work jobs requiring minimal interaction, or totally become an American or somewhere in between.
--- there is not some truth, there is a whole lot of truth to it. apart from personal hygiene, i do not see why you cannot kurta/pyjama or women cannot wear saris/salwar kameez in america, do you expect your wife/daughter wear a mini skirt (do being in Rome behave like romans do apply here). i am talking about ppl born and educated in india, this does not apply to ppl who are born and brought up here.
That's a choice everyone has to make. Some quickly take a liking for NFL and cheeseburgers and some never do. But that's a totally different point.
-- why is this a different point? i thought you mentioned that NBA/NFl might give ppl something to talk about. which is true to a certain degree.
My point is, if you plan to live in this country (and hence we are in this forum), you have to learn the politics of this country for your own sake. You have to learn their sense of humor for your own sake. You have to understand the culture here (even if you don't practise it) for your own sake. This enlightment will only help you move forward in your career and social life and help "oil" the daily grind of corporate american life.
---i never said you don't learn. but that is on a personal level. i personally watch NBA/NFl games. but many of friends (indians) do not even know much about. that has not stopped them from being able to live their lives here.
You can choose not to understand these things, but only you will lose. You won't know how the local and global politics effect your life and who's looking out for your interests here and who is not.
--- seriously man, do you really know who is looking out for your interests? i follow news man, i do not know who is looking out for my interests? second of all i am not a citizen so there is absolutely no iota of difference i can make here. third of all if you start talking politics in office, that is the end of all. we might have a point of view that may or may not sit well with folks here, what are you gonna do then?? i can tell you this much when it comes to global politics many americans are least worried about it, i don't think they are losing out in anyway. on the outside while your argument seems like a good one, in reality it does not matter.
You will have uncomfortable moments when someone jokes with you and you take it in a negative way or not understand the joke at all. Its not a big thing, but it alienates you from others in a small way. You will miss out on sometimes critical inside information when you choose not to lunch with them. It also serves as an opportunity to bond with other colleagues just like how you bond with Desi friends at lunch. These things add up. I don't want the Indians in US end up like immigrants in UK or Canada or France, who are not as much a part of the mainstream as they are here in the US.
--- the things you describe ppl learn after staying here for a while, there is no short cut to it. no one can come in and start talking like an american, in your own words "american sense of humor".
i do not lunch with my fellow colleagues, i have a good rapport with my team members, not everywhere ppl are sitting around and having lunch ,even in america. once we are around here long enough to realise there are always different ppl at different places. for example ,i do not go to lunch not because i am an anti-social but because i am a vegetarian, and frankly i could not find anything that i can like and eat. now being in rome would mean i have to eat meat...that i can't. its a matter of personal preference. why i bring the lunch thing is because i know a lot of ppl from india who are in my situation.
while i do agree not to form those "desi" groups in office. that i do not like.
I am not saying you ape them, but there are some basic things you need in your skillset for your own sake and the communities sake in general. With such a large chunk of Indians in this country (and especially NJ), you can practically live your whole life without having to say more than "hi", "excuse me", "sorry", "you are welcome", "thank you", "that will be $2
", "i have 6 years of java experience
" and that stupid lip contortion these Americans make instead of saying "Hello" (you know what I mean), but that choice is not the smartest one. We can choose to live that blissfully unaware life, but I would rather not.
-- again you are following a certain way and you say that is the best way to follow for everyone. now if you think going to lunch with your american friends is the only way to earn their respect or being in their circle, that is your choice. but in my opinion there are lot of other ways to get ppl to respect you. i am not saying any indian to lead a blissfully unaware life, i am saying keep things in perspective and be yourself. the biggest point you are missing is there are lot of americans who respect you for what you are, if you try to act like one of them (instead of being yourself) they can easily see that and you might lose respect in their eyes... i can see that case happening too, just like the cases you have cited.
But if you are here only for a year or two, then what are you doing in this forum?