Hi forum family, I'm sorry I've been away for quite a while, I had a family issue that made caused all this. My baby sis passed on on the 1st day of February. Its an incidence that really knocked the orientation out of my ka small brain, I feel lost to this moment, I can't tell the way forward, I can't tell up from down; straight from twisted. Death has absolutely won. Whatever it was out to achieve, this time it has achieved it, AND then some. I've lost an angel, a very beautifull soul, I wish at least any one of you guys knew her, you'd realize am not hyping or exaggerating her persona. She really was the most beautifull human being; never kept grudges, always smiling and happy, and so full of life. She was so excited of my trip to the US, and she always kept on saying how she'd miss me and how skype and whatsapp would kill the distance. She'd always diss me how I'd get fatter due to mcdonalds and all the genetically modified foods available in the US. I've been chatting constantly to some of the forum members, and they've been asking me how come I'm delaying my trip and I didn't leave immediately my visa got approved. I've been telling them its coz of the nature of my work and my contract; but the main reason was that I knew I'd miss my family so I'm spending a lot more time here with them. Little did I know God's plan was for me to bury my baby sis. Never did it occur to me, EVER, that any one single day I'd be the one to throw dust over my baby sis's casket. But I thank God for the beautifull 22 years, 9months and 6days she graced our lives. I'm gonna miss that beautifull soul, wah this won't be easy for me. So much has lost value over the last couple of weeks;laughter seems drier, joy seems dead, work seems tiring, motivation is out the exit, I honestly feel like am on autopilot. Living really, has lost meaning. The pain am feeling, I can't even find a metaphor for it, It hurts so soo much bana. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. The vacuum in that house is unbelievable. I feel lonely even when in a crowd of people. I have so many questions that I don't think any of you people would be able to answer. i don't know where to source the energy to move forward from here. People keep telling me that leaving the country would be the most ideal situation for a new fresh start, but all I see are tears when I look at the people am leaving behind. Not a single day has passed that I haven't seen this girl and thought about her. I thank God that I was here though, coz all this would have been hard if I were in atlanta. I pray God, everyday, that I get the energy to move on forward, and that I make my Guardian angel proud of me.pray with me y'all,pray for me.###