Husband Thinking Of Bringing Ex-Wife To U.S.

J

Jyoti05

Registered Users (C)
Hello all. I'm in a terrible situation. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I married my husband, who is from India, 9 years ago and he became a citizen through marriage to me. He has an ex-wife and 2 children living in India. Everything was fine until we applied for his children to come here. They have been approved to come to the U.S., but their mother does not want to send them without her and they don't want to come without her. As far as I know...there aren't many options for her to accompany her children until one of them turns 21. (Son is 17 and daughter is 14). My husband is so desperate to have his children with him he has suggested that I divorce him so that he can remarry her to bring her into the country so she can be with her children. Is this insane or what? First of all, if no one reports it to the INS, I would think that this situation would raise red flags with any immigration officer. I can't believe that he would want to risk his own freedom and jeopardize their chances of ever being allowed to come here.

I think his children have let the time expire on their window of opportunity to come here (I believe it's 6 mos. after approval). Wouldn't the INS wonder why he would be applying for them to come here a 2nd time and this time with their mother? I would think they would want an explanation as to why they didn't come the first time. Also, in their divorce papers she doesn't speak too highly of him, so if they read them carefully they would want to know why after all these years she wants to be with him again.

Well, needless to say, I'm not going to do this. It's not right no matter how you sugarcoat it. Thank you in advance for any input.
 
Jyoti05 said:
Hello all. I'm in a terrible situation. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I married my husband, who is from India, 9 years ago and he became a citizen through marriage to me. He has an ex-wife and 2 children living in India. Everything was fine until we applied for his children to come here. They have been approved to come to the U.S., but their mother does not want to send them without her and they don't want to come without her. As far as I know...there aren't many options for her to accompany her children until one of them turns 21. (Son is 17 and daughter is 14). My husband is so desperate to have his children with him he has suggested that I divorce him so that he can remarry her to bring her into the country so she can be with her children. Is this insane or what? First of all, if no one reports it to the INS, I would think that this situation would raise red flags with any immigration officer. I can't believe that he would want to risk his own freedom and jeopardize their chances of ever being allowed to come here.

I think his children have let the time expire on their window of opportunity to come here (I believe it's 6 mos. after approval). Wouldn't the INS wonder why he would be applying for them to come here a 2nd time and this time with their mother? I would think they would want an explanation as to why they didn't come the first time. Also, in their divorce papers she doesn't speak too highly of him, so if they read them carefully they would want to know why after all these years she wants to be with him again.

Well, needless to say, I'm not going to do this. It's not right no matter how you sugarcoat it. Thank you in advance for any input.
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I'm not sure if you're looking for an advice or just an opinion.
Anyway, my thoughts about your situation, are 100% in line with yours: Don't do it. It sounds to me not like a sugarcoat story but like a bunch of crap. I wouldn't be surprised that he played this all along from the beginning.
If he's so desperate about his kids why:
1. He left them nine years ago?
2. Why he doesn't go back there?
My personal opinion, is that he used you from the day one.
Try to look back in the last nine years and remember things you overlooked and you didn't give to much thoughts, and with what you know today they may look different to you ;)

And assuming for a split second that he's genuine and everything wasn't a big plan from the beginning, then his ex-wife is manipulating him thru the kids and: (forgive me for saying this) he's one of the biggest idiots on this planet.

Sorry to say it, for you sounds like a loose-loose situation, either married with a crook or with an idiot :eek:
 
jyoti05,
The guy is a US citizen now and was married to you for 9 years. so immigration he can apply as many times he wants too...

This is not an immigration issue for you. Its a personal issue . That he is a freakin idiot to do this, its a different story.. If he is so concerned about his kids, why the hell did he leave them earlier ?? The Immigration thing is just a front to go back to them...

feel bad for you
 
Suzy977 said:
I'm not sure if you're looking for an advice or just an opinion.
Anyway, my thoughts about your situation, are 100% in line with yours: Don't do it. It sounds to me not like a sugarcoat story but like a bunch of crap. I wouldn't be surprised that he played this all along from the beginning.
If he's so desperate about his kids why:
1. He left them nine years ago?
2. Why he doesn't go back there?
My personal opinion, is that he used you from the day one.
Try to look back in the last nine years and remember things you overlooked and you didn't give to much thoughts, and with what you know today they may look different to you ;)

And assuming for a split second that he's genuine and everything wasn't a big plan from the beginning, then his ex-wife is manipulating him thru the kids and: (forgive me for saying this) he's one of the biggest idiots on this planet.

Sorry to say it, for you sounds like a loose-loose situation, either married with a crook or with an idiot :eek:
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Thanks For Your Response

Thank you for your responses.

I guess unfortunately it is a personal situation because we have been married for so many years. It just sucks! (for lack of a better word).

As both of you said...I have told him that he made a conscious decision to leave his children the day he got on a plane to the U.S. and decided to stay here. I was always aware that he had two children and that eventually he would want to bring them here. We were both very excited about the possibilty of them coming to live with us and our son. It wasn't until it started to become a reality that all of this started to transpire with the whole ex-wife saga. Maybe he has had this planned...I don't know. He should get an award for his acting debut if this is the case.

My life and our son's life has been turned upside down by this whole crazy situation. It's just plain nuts! If he does decide to do this, he will have to live in the prison of his own mind...if he even really does care. I guess I just needed some validation of my own feelings on this whole thing.

I remember going through the whole immigration process with him. It was frightening ,to say the least, and I remember saying to him, "I never would want to go through this again...I can't believe that people would actually do this if they weren't sincere."

Thank you again.
 
I have to agree with Suzy.
The most scary thing here is that how in a healthy mind can occur that he prefer to divorce you and marry his ex wife...sorry that sounds so out of line.

Be strong and mantain your actitude, as Suzy said if you look over the things that looked weird before, then those are the red flags that you missed.

Good luck ,
 
Joyti,

First , I am sorry at your personal situation caz this is very weird on your husbands part. Yes it is easy to say he married you for a GC and put the balme on GC hungry immigrant. However, if he just wanted to marry you for a greencard , then why would he be married to you for nine years?.

He could have had left you as soon as he got his GC or cintzenship afterwards. Logically, no-one can be married to someone whom they dont love or can stand it. Even "real" married people have trouble after sometime.

If he did it for GC and now wants to marry his ex-wife, well he has to be crazy and in that case you better off without him. But I in my opionion from the face ot it, I dont know his side, there is more to it.

If his ex-wants to come , I really dont see any problems. You guys can get the kids to be citizens as your hubby can sponsor them. and his ex-wife can come on a tourist visa for six months and apply for assylum after it is over as her kids are here or come back after two months for another six months if asylum is not feasible.

My mom comes here all the time on tourist visa and (overstays her visits well she goes back before the visa expires but guess its too much for my USC wife... :p ... :D ). We have no plan to sponsor her :eek: as she can come see us anytime as you get a 10 year tourist visa.

Hope this helps
 
i dont think his plan will work anyway.

first of all, the I-130 asks whether you got your citizenship through marriage to a USC. I remember that in 5 years he can not apply marriage GC for any foreigner.
secondly, when INS sees that he divorces you after he became a USC and remarrys his ex, INS officers would suspect that they used you. INS is not stupid.
 
Joyti you mentioned something about 6 months to get the kids in ,was that 6 months after he got approval of GC? if yes please explain! how that works ,i have a step daughter we want her to get her citizenship and then go back to her father and her school when shes old enough we want her to make the decision where she wants to be ,shes 6 now any help please,

On the personel level , INDIA is beautiful country as you know, the kids need to be with the Mother obviously , the mother is trying to gain leverage , your husbands first and foremost needs to be thinking about the kids & you and there education , his immediate family is most important ,and not what is more convenient for the ex wife. when they get a little bit older have them apply for travel visa to see if they like it here, the grass is not always greener on the other side. let your heart find its path.
 
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Basically, EVEN IF he decides to go through with it and EVEN IF you support him it's probably not gonna work. You just cant marry someone, get your greencard and then marry your ex-spouse again, it's just too sketchy. I doubt they will get it. The only think that he will get is to not even be able to give a green card to his children.
 
Hi Jyoti05.

The plan your husband has is not going to work! Period! He would put everyone under so much stress (you are under tremendous stress already), and nothing good will come out of it after all. I can understand the fact that his ex-wife wants to be close to her children. But, there is another solution to that. He does not need to divorce you. It's insane!
His son is 17. When he becomes U.S. citizen, he'll be over 21, and he can apply for his mother's GC. His mother could come here as soon as she gets a tourist visa, and she can overstay her visa until her son becomes a citizen. As you know, the overstay is forgiven to immediate relatives of U.S. citizens.
Joe, Ari, Cherr, - correct me if I am wrong!
 
Jyoti05 said:
Hello all. I'm in a terrible situation. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I married my husband, who is from India, 9 years ago and he became a citizen through marriage to me. He has an ex-wife and 2 children living in India. Everything was fine until we applied for his children to come here. They have been approved to come to the U.S., but their mother does not want to send them without her and they don't want to come without her. As far as I know...there aren't many options for her to accompany her children until one of them turns 21. (Son is 17 and daughter is 14). My husband is so desperate to have his children with him he has suggested that I divorce him so that he can remarry her to bring her into the country so she can be with her children. Is this insane or what? First of all, if no one reports it to the INS, I would think that this situation would raise red flags with any immigration officer. I can't believe that he would want to risk his own freedom and jeopardize their chances of ever being allowed to come here.

I think his children have let the time expire on their window of opportunity to come here (I believe it's 6 mos. after approval). Wouldn't the INS wonder why he would be applying for them to come here a 2nd time and this time with their mother? I would think they would want an explanation as to why they didn't come the first time. Also, in their divorce papers she doesn't speak too highly of him, so if they read them carefully they would want to know why after all these years she wants to be with him again.

Well, needless to say, I'm not going to do this. It's not right no matter how you sugarcoat it. Thank you in advance for any input.
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Honestly I think you are in No win situation.
Unfortunately this man is in a no win situation as well.
I think you should sit down with him and make him see reason that you are willing to accept his kids as your own but not accept his wife into your life.
It just unnecessarily screws up your family life.
I think your husband should never have even given heed to this idea of remarrying his ex.( I am assuming here that he actually divorced her for reasosn others than immigartion).
If not then Two women have been taken for a ride.
So basically according to me you have no option but to let him go....but make sure you tell him you dont want anything to do with him if he divorces you.
Tell him you want his kids here but dont want his wife.and let Him stress over that.
That women in India is manipulating the whole scenario and if he wants to be with Let HIM>
I know it is very easy for me to say it but that is the truth and you and your kid have to faceit.
If his wife does come here , belive me it is going to mess up your whole life.
 
Let him know that if he lets go of you, he will let go of your son too. It just comes down to what he wants more- your son or his children from previous marriage. If he is a man who really cares about his children, it will be tough for him to make this decision and if does make his decision in the favour of his children in India, then that explains what he is been upto for past 9 years. The whole thing has been pre-planned. You are better off without him. I don't think he will be successful brining is ex-wife here. Someone just needs to sit and knock some sense into his head.
 
Jyoti05 said:
Hello all. I'm in a terrible situation. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I married my husband, who is from India, 9 years ago and he became a citizen through marriage to me. He has an ex-wife and 2 children living in India. Everything was fine until we applied for his children to come here. They have been approved to come to the U.S., but their mother does not want to send them without her and they don't want to come without her. As far as I know...there aren't many options for her to accompany her children until one of them turns 21. (Son is 17 and daughter is 14). My husband is so desperate to have his children with him he has suggested that I divorce him so that he can remarry her to bring her into the country so she can be with her children. Is this insane or what? First of all, if no one reports it to the INS, I would think that this situation would raise red flags with any immigration officer. I can't believe that he would want to risk his own freedom and jeopardize their chances of ever being allowed to come here.

I think his children have let the time expire on their window of opportunity to come here (I believe it's 6 mos. after approval). Wouldn't the INS wonder why he would be applying for them to come here a 2nd time and this time with their mother? I would think they would want an explanation as to why they didn't come the first time. Also, in their divorce papers she doesn't speak too highly of him, so if they read them carefully they would want to know why after all these years she wants to be with him again.

Well, needless to say, I'm not going to do this. It's not right no matter how you sugarcoat it. Thank you in advance for any input.
Click to expand...

Check your Inbox, I sent you a PM.
 
Hello again and thank you to all who have responded.

I feel exactly how all of you have described. I have always told him that he could bring his children here and that I would embrace them as my own when they arrive. She was never part of the scenario. It was never even talked about until the time was getting closer to them being approved. He has seen them in the past 9 years b/c he has gone back to India at least 5 times and when he goes...he goes for at least 2 or 3 months. I understand them not wanting to leave their mom and vice versa, but like you all have said...there are visitor visa's, asylum...or just plain waiting until her son turns 21. We wouldn't hold them hostage if they came here...they would be able to go back home if they wanted to. I also told him that if she is controlling his actions half way across the world...what would she be like when she got here.

From what I understand, she left him prior to him coming to the U.S. ,the first time, and moved back in with her parents. So, they decided not to be together long before he even met me. They really don't want to have a "so called" marriage...I think they think that she'll get here and set her up in an apartment with the kids and he would continue to live his life with me and our son and everything will be bubbles and butterflies. Is this craziness or what? I told him that if she came here the "right way" I would have no animosity towards her and she would have every right to be here.

I guess he could have done this after 2 or 3 years of marriage, maybe that would have been kinder....but 9 years! My family has taken him in as their own....so he would not only be betraying my trust, but also my family's trust.

I feel like I'm going bonkers! But, I do have the clarity of mind not to support him if he chooses to continue on this path of destruction...he will have to walk it alone and I can only hope that "bells and whistles" will sound off to an immigration officer that this is wacko. I just am having a hard to believing that he would jeopardize everything.

In answer to another person's question re: her step-daughter...we applied for his children to come here in 2003 and they were approved Aug. '05. I believe that they had 6 Mos. from Aug. '05 to come into the country. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong on this.
Thanks again.
 
I think they all need to sit and think about everything. Everyone makes sacrifices in life. I bet he made a big sacrifice when he came here and left all of his family behind and of course it's not going to easy for his children to come here and leave their mom behind. But decisions need to be made, either they all stay there or they will have to split for few years...not forever. I made the decision to come here to study and all my family stayed at home, it's hard but it was my decision. But everything turned out for the best, I met my now husband and I can say I'm happy. I see my family 1-2 times per year and I really appretiate those times. What I'm trying to say here is that your husband has a new life with you now and he should be thankful for it. He made his decision when he moved to the US and even more when he married you. Now it's up to his children to decide. They only have to options. And I know everyone that leaves their countries go through a similar process, this is why I find it so strange the way your husband is reacting. I miss my family like crazy but I would NEVER risk my marriage in such a way.
 
payala said:
I think they all need to sit and think about everything. Everyone makes sacrifices in life. I bet he made a big sacrifice when he came here and left all of his family behind and of course it's not going to easy for his children to come here and leave their mom behind. But decisions need to be made, either they all stay there or they will have to split for few years...not forever. I made the decision to come here to study and all my family stayed at home, it's hard but it was my decision. But everything turned out for the best, I met my now husband and I can say I'm happy. I see my family 1-2 times per year and I really appretiate those times. What I'm trying to say here is that your husband has a new life with you now and he should be thankful for it. He made his decision when he moved to the US and even more when he married you. Now it's up to his children to decide. They only have to options. And I know everyone that leaves their countries go through a similar process, this is why I find it so strange the way your husband is reacting. I miss my family like crazy but I would NEVER risk my marriage in such a way.
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Exactly.

Moreover, your husband, an adult individual should understand that NOTHING IS PERFECT IN THIS WORLD, and most of the time, to gain some you loose some ;)
And besides that, honor and honesty (which by the way don't grow on trees!!!) shouldn't be traded for his own personal well being and comfort.
He can't hurt a woman who helped him to became an American citizen, who loved him when another one left him, and now, from the "greatness" of his heart he decided to marry his ex and to bring her here for the "sake of the kids"...
This is crazy, and like I previously said, he's either the stupidest man on earth...or he things you are...


Note for Ari4u:
ari4u said:
Check your Inbox, I sent you a PM.
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Ari, I knew you have a great heart and you'll offer to marry the ex-wife and solve all the problems. :D :D :D


Sorry Jyoti05, but Ari offered me this opportunity, I couldn't pass on it.
 
You know, I've been reeding this thread over and over and over again.
I cannot believe that some people have the nerve to even think like this immigrant husband does.

If I were you, i wouldn't even go any further. Just kick his ass and send him all the way back where he came from.

My 2ct. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it's just what I think I'd do.
 
eric v said:
Joyti you mentioned something about 6 months to get the kids in ,was that 6 months after he got approval of GC?
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I think its validity period of immigration visa. Til landing the US with immigation visa, there is no GC for CP people.
 
Jyoti05 said:
Hello again and thank you to all who have responded.

She was never part of the scenario. It was never even talked about until the time was getting closer to them being approved. He has seen them in the past 9 years b/c he has gone back to India at least 5 times and when he goes...he goes for at least 2 or 3 months. I understand them not wanting to leave their mom and vice versa, but like you all have said...

From what I understand, she left him prior to him coming to the U.S. ,the first time, and moved back in with her parents. So, they decided not to be together long before he even met me. They really don't want to have a "so called" marriage...I think they think that she'll get here and set her up in an apartment with the kids and he would continue to live his life with me and our son and everything will be bubbles and butterflies. Is this craziness or what? I told him that if she came here the "right way" I would have no animosity towards her and she would have every right to be here.

.
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The more I read your story , the moreIam convinced that he took you for a ride.
He is trying to have his cake and eat it too.
I think he continued to have a "relationship" with his wife long after he got married to you.
I mean going back to India for 3 months , he could have easily brought them over here on a visit visa or something.
Just because he told you that he divorced his wife or he was ina bad relationship doesnt mean he was.
I really feel for all the kids in this scenario.What is there fault .
But one thing I am sure if you agree to divorce him and let him bring his wife here , then you would be the biggest fool .
If he really wants his kids , give him options, but if he insists I would go with what the other guy said ."Kick his ass out " and sue him for alimony.
If he indeed did it all for his immigration then he deserves to pay for all of it ......monetary and otherwise.
 
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