Husband Cheating...Interview in 3 days

[millionata001]

I don't know what to do. I recently found out my husband us cheating on me. He has a J1 waiver and his employment auth card. We have the adj of status interview in 3 days and I'm not going! What will be the end result? I am his sponser. Can he get married to someone and still get his green card? I want him deported! We do have a 5 month son and have been married for a yr. and married 2 months after we met. We have no pictures of us or wedding (we married in court). I am not on any leases we only have bills in our names together and an empty joint bank account.

 

[myredskins]

I don't know what to do. I recently found out my husband us cheating on me. He has a J1 waiver and his employment auth card. We have the adj of status interview in 3 days and I'm not going! What will be the end result? I am his sponser. Can he get married to someone and still get his green card? I want him deported! We do have a 5 month son and have been married for a yr. and married 2 months after we met. We have no pictures of us or wedding (we married in court). I am not on any leases we only have bills in our names together and an empty joint bank account.

If you dont show up for the interview, the process will considered abandoned, unless you call and give a reason to the contrary. So he can't get a GC through you.

Well he can remain in the US if he wants, and if months later meets another woman (a USC) and they get married (and they prove the marriage is legit), he is eligible for a green card. I don't think cheating is a deportable crime.

 

[techbuyer77]

millionata... you have a kid right? maybe is not in the best interest of the baby to have his dad deported over cheating
Counseling is always an option.

 

[int0928]

millionata... you have a kid right? maybe is not in the best interest of the baby to have his dad deported over cheating
Counseling is always an option.

If he is cheating right now...chances are great that he'll continue cheating in future. By looking at the duration they have known each other (2+12 = 14 months) and their kid's age (5 months), sounds like they took haste decision of getting married...or were "forced" to get married.

On the top of that, this couple don't have enough proofs of relationship...doesn't look very good for a smooth approval.

 

[TheRealCanadian]

maybe is not in the best interest of the baby to have his dad deported over cheating

My prejudices are showing, but I would suggest it might be in the best interests of this boy to NOT have his father as an example of how to behave.

Boys need to be raised by men.

 

[Antilope]

I agree with the posters who said to think of the baby first and try to help this shameful man who's cheating on you. Think of the child support, I mean, think of your child As much as you probably hate him right now, he is still the father of your little kid and this baby needs to grow up knowing his dad. If I were you, I'd help him and try to find some proof of his cheating to save it for later blackmail.

 

[PraetorianXI]

Whether she leaves him or stays with him is her decision.

If you do not attend the AOS interview, the process is considered abandoned and the petition will be denied. You will receive a notice stating so and he will be "out-of-status" and it is in his best interest to leave the country to avoid accumulating "illegal stay" or be deported.

I would not "just stay married" with this guy. Thinking of what is best for the kid, the best for the kid is to have at least ONE good parent (how many single moms are out there).

If the guy stays, the kid will have a bitter/resentful mom and a cheating/lier father. If he leaves, the kid will have a mom with the opportunity of finding another (better) guy.

He can not get a green card without you, he would have to marry another US citizen and start all over.

 

[techbuyer77]

Cheating on your partner, even though is worng does not make you a bad parent. I do not agree with cheating, but a baby needs its father. It is sad that things like this happens but counseling is one option to explore, because sometimes cheating is a sign for other problems within a relationship.
I have been with my spouse for 4 years and we dont have any kids yet, so I do believe 14 months is a little fast to get married and have a baby, but I am the kind of person who believes in forgiveness and to try to keep my family together. We are all human beings and people make mistakes. Sometimes people need chances to correct those mistakes, specialy if they are kids involved

 

[TheRealCanadian]

Cheating on your partner, even though is worng does not make you a bad parent.

Yes, it does. You are setting an example for your children that it is acceptable to be a deceitful liar to the people whom you have promised to love.

I do not agree with cheating, but a baby needs its father.

This is by no means accurate across-the-board. Some relationships are far better off ended, and based on this one's short, tragic trajectory I am hard-pressed to see what advantages the child could possibly gain by having this poor excuse for a father around.

 

[Antilope]

Yes, it does. You are setting an example for your children that it is acceptable to be a deceitful liar to the people whom you have promised to love.



This is by no means accurate across-the-board. Some relationships are far better off ended, and based on this one's short, tragic trajectory I am hard-pressed to see what advantages the child could possibly gain by having this poor excuse for a father around.

Yes, I'd like to see what this kid will think when he grows up and his mother tells him that she was so bitter at being cheated on that she got his father deported and thus never gave the guy the opportunity to be a dad to this child or the child the opportunity to have (biological) male influence in his life. She needs to stop and think of the baby first. Even if he is a crap father, he may be good for future financial/child support, unless she has no need for that or he cannot provide it in which case I can see how crap father+no need for his money can mean bye bye husband. Staying married with him until he gets the GC and then dumping him and having no more contact with him except to deal with the baby is reasonable to me.


They got married within 2 months. You don't know the circumstances of this situation. People don't just cheat, crap happens and then they cheat. His reason for it could be one of a million but at this point they need to do what is best for THE CHILD. And I don't agree with what you said because people are made of good and bad and just because there is some bad to them doesn't mean they are bad parents. If there were a natural law that sterilized people who did things that were not good examples to their children, there would be no children in this world because no one is without fault.

 

[PraetorianXI]

A Marriage (Family Based) Green Card application is for the sake of Families being kept together.

Husband Cheated = No Marriage = No Family = No Green Card.

The baby is young, someone else (better) can stand in this man's place and be a good father to him (i.e. She remarries a good man before the kid is 2 years of age).

 

[Antilope]

And what if she doesn't? What if she could benefit from the child support this guy will be paying over the years? What if there is something wrong with her that drove this guy to cheat on her and you're all trying to be nice out of sympathy? You don't know he's a bad father for a fact, she said nothing about that, you don't know why in the world they got married within 2 months of meeting, she said nothing about that, you don't know if maybe even though they fell madly in love in the beginning they soon realized they had nothing in common and he was unhappy and cheated and feels trapped in a marriage with a kid and in desperate need for a GC, I mean it could be anything. All they have is a paper marriage which sounds to me like they had a mutual agreement to get married just so he could get his green card but somewhere along the line they had a little nookie and she had a baby and now she's mad because the guy didn't stay faithful to her. I could be wrong, obviously without her supplying the details there are only speculations

 

[PraetorianXI]

What if she does find a good man? What if the cheater is a bad father indeed? There are many things that are unknown to us in this scenario... but the bottom line is, if she does not wish to remain married to him it is her decision and without a true marriage there is NO green card.

Going to the Interview and LYING about being a couple and love... it is PERJURY under OATH ... Plus filing for divorce right after he gets the GC in the event he did... how is he going to remove the conditions on it? (i-751) huh? I doubt she will stay married to him for another 2 years...

There are no excuses for cheating on your spouse. Go ask yours if he/she would take one from you?

So, do not show up for the interview and send a letter to the District Office where the interview was scheduled to, indicating the petition number and alien number and stating that you wish to withdraw your petition because you are getting a divorce and your husband cheated on you.

 

[Antilope]

I bet you he/she would because I got the goods, babe


I'm waiting for the original poster to come back and fill us in with the details so we can really give specific advice, otherwise this is worthless.

PS. Will she find a good man? Maybe so, and maybe she'll even wait for 3 months to get married

 

[techbuyer77]

I agree with everyone. Cheating is bad, and it is just sad that people get into marriages without really knowing each other and create little ones that are going to suffer because of their parents actions.

But, let say the immigration law was not involved on this (i.e. the father is american). A lot of people divorce because of cheating and the courts still give the cheating partner visitation rights.
And even though is not my case, my parents are divorced (I dont really care for the details, it was like 20 years ago) and I saw my dad while I was on my mom's custody. So whatever the problems between the adults are, my mom was wise enough to allow me to have a relationship with my biological father (she never remarried) and I love her for that.

It was not my fault that they divorced, whatever the reasons were, I still had the chance to talk and see my dad. She took the wiser way, and although I did not live with my dad, I got to know him until he died 2 years ago.I dont see why this baby wouldn't have the same right. No one should take the right to know your dad/mom away from you, unless the parent is abusive, that is diferent.

One thing is that you hate your ex and another thing is make the kid hate him or not get to know him.

And if she does not show up to the interview he probably wont get deported. But when she types "I want him deported" I am under the impression she will do something else to get him deported. If she does not want to go that is ok.

Maybe the guy will marry another usc and get his gc, and go to court and get visitation rights or something

 

[PraetorianXI]

He will not be deported. But he will be out of status and would be in his best interest to leave.

I agree the kid has the right to have a male figure in his life, but just because you got someone pregnant does not make you a father, merely a sperm donor.

As far as the whole, I want him deported thing... this could get messy if she acts this way (the divorce)... the more in agreement the couple are (about getting divorced) the easier (and cheaper) the divorce process will go.

But everything here has to do with agreements, contracts, two way commitments...

#1 "The both committed to love, honor and respect each other until death parts them"

#2 "She signed an Affidavit of Support, I-864, for him (and even if she divorces she would have to honor that if he becomes a resident for the next 10 years!)"

Her husband broke that first (and most important commitment, because regardless of whether she kept her part or not, it does not give you a right to cheat on her). Now... let's say they get divorced right after she lets him get the Green Card, then what?

He will pay child support? and she will pay "alien" alimonies or support to him as well? She will be under a contract to actually support the guy because of the signed I-864 (Which only becomes legal binding if the residency is approved). But even if he pays child support for those two years, the guy still has to remove the conditions on the Green Card by himself (i-751) and I wonder how is he going to do that?

But if this is a "paper marriage", they will have a hard time proving a true marriage... maybe it was a mistake (getting married after 2 months)... but my true advice is... a cheating husband will cheat again, a cheating husband is not a good role model for a kid, and you will not benefit from the cheating husband getting a green card as you will be bound in a legal contract to support him for 10 years...

Like I said before, I would rather have a "happy" mom and perhaps a non-biological good dad... than a bitter mom and a cheating/lying father.

 

[LucyMO]

He will pay child support? and she will pay "alien" alimonies or support to him as well? She will be under a contract to actually support the guy because of the signed I-864 (Which only becomes legal binding if the residency is approved). But even if he pays child support for those two years, the guy still has to remove the conditions on the Green Card by himself (i-751) and I wonder how is he going to do that?

well done, Praetorian, I was just about to write about that and you got to first! She signs I-864 for 10 years!!!!

 

[Al Southner]

Relax..

He will not be deported. But he will be out of status and would be in his best interest to leave.

I agree the kid has the right to have a male figure in his life, but just because you got someone pregnant does not make you a father, merely a sperm donor.

As far as the whole, I want him deported thing... this could get messy if she acts this way (the divorce)... the more in agreement the couple are (about getting divorced) the easier (and cheaper) the divorce process will go.

But everything here has to do with agreements, contracts, two way commitments...

#1 "The both committed to love, honor and respect each other until death parts them"

#2 "She signed an Affidavit of Support, I-864, for him (and even if she divorces she would have to honor that if he becomes a resident for the next 10 years!)"

Her husband broke that first (and most important commitment, because regardless of whether she kept her part or not, it does not give you a right to cheat on her). Now... let's say they get divorced right after she lets him get the Green Card, then what?

He will pay child support? and she will pay "alien" alimonies or support to him as well? She will be under a contract to actually support the guy because of the signed I-864 (Which only becomes legal binding if the residency is approved). But even if he pays child support for those two years, the guy still has to remove the conditions on the Green Card by himself (i-751) and I wonder how is he going to do that?

But if this is a "paper marriage", they will have a hard time proving a true marriage... maybe it was a mistake (getting married after 2 months)... but my true advice is... a cheating husband will cheat again, a cheating husband is not a good role model for a kid, and you will not benefit from the cheating husband getting a green card as you will be bound in a legal contract to support him for 10 years...

Like I said before, I would rather have a "happy" mom and perhaps a non-biological good dad... than a bitter mom and a cheating/lying father.

P,

Do you have a job? It appears as if you feel obliged to opine on any issue posted on the forum. In addition, you comment on any issue, daily.... Actually, it is perfectly alright to spare yourself a few strokes off your keyboard.

Plz... just relax and enjoy Atlanta....

 

[PraetorianXI]

P,

Do you have a job? It appears as if you feel obliged to opine on any issue posted on the forum. In addition, you comment on any issue, daily.... Actually, it is perfectly alright to spare yourself a few strokes off your keyboard.

Plz... just relax and enjoy Atlanta....

Lol. I do not have a job, as I have no EAD yet. But I got some job offers .

Thanks for the advice! Anything interesting in Atlanta I should see? Aside from the Aquarium?

 

[The French Maid]

My Two Cents

I mostly lurk on this board but I just have to chime in on this one.

As a woman who was once married to the champion of serial cheaters, I am appalled by the statement

Antilope--"What if there is something wrong with her that drove this guy to cheat on her and you're all trying to be nice out of sympathy?

I take great offense to that and believe me, I am not offended easily. EVERYONE is responsible for themselves. NOBODY makes anybody cheat. That is just an excuse when the cheater can't take responsibility for their own actions. If she is disrespecting him in the worst ways, it is not a ticket to sleep with another woman. If you are unhappy in a marriage, leave.

For all she knows, he could be a great manipulator and marrying her to get the greencard was part of his agenda....along with the fact that he is a lying cheat. A wolf in sheeps clothing can hold up that facade for years....and not knowing him for very long... that is concerning.

Yes, I agree, being a lying cheat doesn't make one a bad parent but it certainly doesn't constitute a great example of a human being. Who gets married and starts cheating right away after just having a baby? Sounds like a serious character flaw to me.

If I were her, I would gather the evidence of his cheating, confront him and tell him he will have to make other plans to gain a greencard.

The guy is a cake eater.