The land of flower and nightingale strikes again!
I think there is a way to expedite the background check. I'm not exactly sure, but I think the FO can put a request. I also remember reading that towards the end of the FY, they send automatic expedite requests to the FBI for all pending cases. But if you have to be proactive and assertive any time in your life, now is the time! Call USCIS, and ask for a level-2 officer. Tell them your situation and see what they can do.
Good luck my friend.
Thanks for your help buddy. Today I am really mad at the world but I'll give it a shot tomorrow just so that I won't blame myself later on! You have no idea just how much I'd like to give it all up and forget about everything at this point!