crazy wife, need your help guys!

C

csantos

Registered Users (C)
Hello all, My friend Paul, just asked me a question that I was unable to answe, so see if you guys can help with the issue!

He is married to a USC and got his green card just 2 months ago, now, he comes to find out that his wife is pregnant, and that happened when he was out of the country, He went to france due to his job and stayed there for 1 month for training, now she is pregnant.

Well he came back to america, found that she is pregnant, and she is driving him crazy, she is causing him some psycological issues, she is telling him, that she will divorce him if he does not sell his car and give her money, she is telling him that she will call immigration and say that it is all a sham! she says that she wants to go back to her ex boyfriend (suposedly the father of her baby), and she is telling him that it is all over,

but at the same point, he has nothing back on his country, since he was here for 2 years, when they got married, he sold all he had back in Japan to stay with her, now she is driving him insane!!!

he is affraid that he will loose his green card now, since she is pressing him, and being so crazy and she wants divorce!!!!

what should i tell him?
 
Triple Citizen said:
Tell him to do his own research. I admire your compassion, but he needs to work on his own own solutions. If he is from Japan, the internet should not scare him.
Click to expand...

Geez dude... i just asked for some info... calm down!

i am curious now, i want to know what if! since i could not answer i was wondering!
anyone else have an idea?
 
csantos said:
Geez dude... i just asked for some info... calm down!

i am curious now, i want to know what if! since i could not answer i was wondering!
anyone else have an idea?
Click to expand...

Triple Citizen, i know you are one of the top posters here but that sounded rude. There are no rules in this forum that states that the person asking the question must be the actual person. People can ask questions on behalf of friends or relative....

Anyhow, csantos...I don't know the answer to your question, lets wait for other people to reply. I'd ASSUME that if he can proof that his marriage was legit then he might have a chance in 2 years (when his GC expires) to remove his provisional status. If the wife calls USCIS and says that it all was a scam, then she's screwed because one reason:

1. She was in it too, and that's a federal crime.
 
My thoughts on this

csantos said:
Hello all, My friend Paul, just asked me a question that I was unable to answe, so see if you guys can help with the issue!

He is married to a USC and got his green card just 2 months ago, now, he comes to find out that his wife is pregnant, and that happened when he was out of the country, He went to france due to his job and stayed there for 1 month for training, now she is pregnant.

Well he came back to america, found that she is pregnant, and she is driving him crazy, she is causing him some psycological issues, she is telling him, that she will divorce him if he does not sell his car and give her money, she is telling him that she will call immigration and say that it is all a sham! she says that she wants to go back to her ex boyfriend (suposedly the father of her baby), and she is telling him that it is all over,

but at the same point, he has nothing back on his country, since he was here for 2 years, when they got married, he sold all he had back in Japan to stay with her, now she is driving him insane!!!

he is affraid that he will loose his green card now, since she is pressing him, and being so crazy and she wants divorce!!!!

what should i tell him?
Click to expand...

csantos,

First of all you can't really get upset with what Triple_Citizen had to say. You asked and he replied. In your mind you wanted to hear some positive things and unfortumately Triple_Citizen didn't respond back with the answers that you were looking for. It's ok, you move on. If I call you friend's wife a BITCH, would you get upset with me? I don't think you should, coz you are already posting some negative remarks about her that shows everyone of us about her character & behaviour so why expect something different.

Tell your friend to weigh his pros & cons. Keeping that GC is important or putting up with the wife will more meaning to life. Personally I wouldn't put up with such a spouse just for GC purposes. I would document everything, may be record her phone call conversations, send something in writing via e-mail and see how she responds. Save every e-mail for record purposes. This would be a good proof to present before the USCIS if at any case she decides to divorce and walk out of the marriage. This would show that you were emotinally threatened using GC excuse, I would also seek an attorney so he or she is also well informed about this situation and represent you when you need him/her in the future. In short I wouldn't fake my marriage and put up with all the nonsense just so that you don't loose your GC down the road. His honesty and sincerety would definitely go long ways and things will workout in his best interest.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
My two cents on this...In this kind of things that emotions get confuse with your own decisions to stay or leave here...the best way is to separate those issues. One has nothing to do with the other in some aspects. One DEPENDS on the other if your final decision is "I want to stay here" which again has nothing to do with the first issue. Depends and Wants are not equivalent. And I said this, because over and over I see people getting exasperating about "my spouse is living me, what I should do?" ...well you can 1. keep begging for him/her to stay with you and try to get why s/he want to live you 2. give the finger to it and move on which is independently about green card issues 3. forget about the rest of the things and try to stay in the country, which put the green card first which means you give the finger in the 1 and 2.

I am not pro stay in the marriage until death if you are unhappy and some nuts drive you like a rollercoaster...BUT there are many things here that your friend will have to weight: 1. she is pregnant, is he interested in that child? even she says that he probably is not the father...uhmm how he/she knows? 2. for whatever he decided to do...even he just got two months ago the GC, still if he wants to bit the system, he must get a LOT of big time evidence. And how how possible she changed her mind right away? For me is REALLY difficult to understand how possible a person just change in 30 days, sorry marriage issues ARE NOT a 30 day thing, are not a "sudden" issue. Marriage issues at your friends was long due.. 3. Even he is not interested in that child, to get a divorce from a pregnant lady could be more than a task to overcome these days, since a child will be involved he to get a divorce (if he goes that way and the only way to removed the conditions on his own) needs a DNA proof to show that he is not the father and get the divorce under one of the grounds (there is one for infidelity in some states) that must suit him. If the child's is his to show not interest does not mean that the law does not know how to make you pay for it. 4. Even if she says that she is going to do this and that, does not mean anything until an action is actual delivered/done/processed/filed until that, then you are in point zero.

To sold things in his country...well, I guess everybody who had a job had to quit it or leave it, had to leave friends and family, cars, heavy belongings like furniture or sold them or giving them away to move here, but that was part of the choice between them, there is obviously a risk involved when you are the one who make that big sacrifice but that is in him to show that he had not intention to come to his country to avoid the legal way but he married in good faith.

In general to give a free advice about what he can do...is very wide. If you are asking only on the immigration point of view...he must overcome that with only 2 months after get the green card he really get on emotional and financial (big one here) with his wife. But must important is that he must be divorced first, since he will need a divorce decree. So far, he can stay and work as normal and he must make his own decisions what he is going to do with his marriage...that is again, no immigration related. AS you can see, the first to solve is his marriage that can be a way different story and is not related or has nothing to do about his immigration status as of today.

Good luck.
 
If that sounded rude to you, I apologise. I have lived in Japan and I am extremely fond of anything Japanese, whether it be food, people, products, culture, etc. I find it really hard to digest that someone from Japan cannot find this information on their own. They have the highest IQ in the world on average and one of the toughest schooling systems. My first post was a natural reaction based my knowledge and experience with regards to Japan, which was acquired by living amongst them.

I also apologise to all those who agree with Gnr5.

gnr5 said:
Triple Citizen, i know you are one of the top posters here but that sounded rude.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I just asked about it because of my own interest on the fact since, i could not answer the question it got me wondering what the procedures would be!

since I try to help as much as I can, and this time i was unable to therefore i posted it here to my fellow friends to give yout idea, your imput on it

so if anybody knows anything about the situation, please just post here, it is irrelavant the fact that she is bitch (which i also think so, but... it is not my wife so... i dont care) or a looser, i realy dont mind anybody's opinion on the matter, the interest is what are the procedures that have to happend in order for him to mantain his GC here!

that is all

so if you could answer it please do!

thanks all! and triple citizen, I am not mad or upset, neither offended by it! Since it does not involve me, i realy dont care! i just got questioning my self and for lack of knowledge could not advise him!

so if anyone has anything relevant to say about the situation...
 
cherr1980 said:
My two cents on this...In this kind of things that emotions get confuse with your own decisions to stay or leave here...the best way is to separate those issues. One has nothing to do with the other in some aspects. One DEPENDS on the other if your final decision is "I want to stay here" which again has nothing to do with the first issue. Depends and Wants are not equivalent. And I said this, because over and over I see people getting exasperating about "my spouse is living me, what I should do?" ...well you can 1. keep begging for him/her to stay with you and try to get why s/he want to live you 2. give the finger to it and move on which is independently about green card issues 3. forget about the rest of the things and try to stay in the country, which put the green card first which means you give the finger in the 1 and 2.

I am not pro stay in the marriage until death if you are unhappy and some nuts drive you like a rollercoaster...BUT there are many things here that your friend will have to weight: 1. she is pregnant, is he interested in that child? even she says that he probably is not the father...uhmm how he/she knows? 2. for whatever he decided to do...even he just got two months ago the GC, still if he wants to bit the system, he must get a LOT of big time evidence. And how how possible she changed her mind right away? For me is REALLY difficult to understand how possible a person just change in 30 days, sorry marriage issues ARE NOT a 30 day thing, are not a "sudden" issue. Marriage issues at your friends was long due.. 3. Even he is not interested in that child, to get a divorce from a pregnant lady could be more than a task to overcome these days, since a child will be involved he to get a divorce (if he goes that way and the only way to removed the conditions on his own) needs a DNA proof to show that he is not the father and get the divorce under one of the grounds (there is one for infidelity in some states) that must suit him. If the child's is his to show not interest does not mean that the law does not know how to make you pay for it. 4. Even if she says that she is going to do this and that, does not mean anything until an action is actual delivered/done/processed/filed until that, then you are in point zero.

To sold things in his country...well, I guess everybody who had a job had to quit it or leave it, had to leave friends and family, cars, heavy belongings like furniture or sold them or giving them away to move here, but that was part of the choice between them, there is obviously a risk involved when you are the one who make that big sacrifice but that is in him to show that he had not intention to come to his country to avoid the legal way but he married in good faith.

In general to give a free advice about what he can do...is very wide. If you are asking only on the immigration point of view...he must overcome that with only 2 months after get the green card he really get on emotional and financial (big one here) with his wife. But must important is that he must be divorced first, since he will need a divorce decree. So far, he can stay and work as normal and he must make his own decisions what he is going to do with his marriage...that is again, no immigration related. AS you can see, the first to solve is his marriage that can be a way different story and is not related or has nothing to do about his immigration status as of today.

Good luck.
Click to expand...


he is whiling to DNA, and so is the supose father of the child!

she wants to divorce him, and go live with that guy, but she is pressuring him, saying that he will loose his greencard and will have to go back!

he was in france for over a month and when she went to get her pregnancy test, he was already in the us, and she was 4 weeks pregnant!

so...!
 
tell him to get a lawyer. simple as that. i believe he will be able to stay. with his lawyer they should be able to show that this bitch is deranged.
 
I am familiar with such situations.
1. I assume he has a conditional green card. So if he is lucky , in 2 years he gets permanent GC automatically in a mail, if not- he and she must go to interview, and, unfortunally, law is on USC site.
2. I suggest to collect any evidence of her bad behaviour, so in the future he can show it to USCIS,SO THEY WILL BELIEVE HIM, was not any fraud from his side. It can be family counselling, priests counselling, police calls if it is abuse , emotional or verbal ir t.t. Than if he goes to 2 interview and shows all the evidence of his god behaviour, they can give him GC.
I would not file for divorce now. Let she does it. It is hard to live like this, but without permanent GC, no divorce.
 
js360 said:
tell him to get a lawyer. simple as that. i believe he will be able to stay. with his lawyer they should be able to show that this bitch is deranged.
Click to expand...

Just wonder if you know her? how you know she is a "bitch"? all stories have two sides, don't be so eager to insult others.
 
thanks for the info guys... i understand more or less now... thanks again!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH hope the best for all of our immi. processes!
 
csantos said:
he is whiling to DNA, and so is the supose father of the child!

she wants to divorce him, and go live with that guy, but she is pressuring him, saying that he will loose his greencard and will have to go back!

he was in france for over a month and when she went to get her pregnancy test, he was already in the us, and she was 4 weeks pregnant!

so...!
Click to expand...


So? she is not the one who decide if he gets deported or not, she can say all that she wants, I don't get why he is "so afraid" of her...my God he is not like emigrating from a war zone you know? is Japan right? An immigration judge if he stays or go, and that will be decide IF and only IF he gets in that situation.

If she want to divorce him, then so be it, she needs to do ALL the necessary steps to do so...and that takes time. In general I don't hear anything about that he is devastated about this situation...so is just a thought on this plus why are YOU the one who keeps making all the immigration work for him?; he is the one who should be more interested in know and give the right facts to his situation...at the end he most probably has access to a computer and is able to write English, right?

With divorce proceedings he can get a DNA test and proof who is the father of the creature. If it's the other, as I stated before...then he can easily get a divorce without problems. On immigration basis he needs to keep all his paperwork and financial-marital evidence with him.

You keep saying over and over about he was over a month in France and now she is 4 weeks pregnant, I heard you already...can you tell me what is your point? (I think I know it but you keep repeating it so I will let you explained it).

Good luck to your friend.
 
You keep saying over and over about he was over a month in France and now she is 4 weeks pregnant, I heard you already...can you tell me what is your point? (I think I know it but you keep repeating it so I will let you explained it).
Click to expand...

I believe the point to this is that he's trying to say that she was not pregnant when he left for a month but now she is. Although since he was only gone a month and when he got back she was one month pregnant - that's not definite.

he repeated it because of your comment here:
even she says that he probably is not the father...uhmm how he/she knows?
Click to expand...

He thought you asked him how he knew he wasn't the father and he tried to answer it again by stating that he was gone for a month, then she became pregnant.

I'm not saying that it's perfect logic, but I think that is why he said it over and over.
 
Well yeah...thanks TN, that's what I said I probably know what he means...I thought the same thing...if the guy was out for a month...well she has 4 weeks pregnant, but in the other part he says that "over" a month...which could be from a month +1day or xx days...do the math...actually that part is not entirely an exact science, but anyway...is a difficult situation. He needs to think and rethink a lot. But as I said, he must decide which issue would be first then proceed.
 
cherr1980 said:
Just wonder if you know her? how you know she is a "bitch"? all stories have two sides, don't be so eager to insult others.
Click to expand...

she is a bitch cause she sounds like one. i dont need two sides of the story, anyone who cheats on there spouse is a bitch or an asshole.
 
all he wants is divorce her, get away from her, and continue going to IT school and live his life in peace here...
 
Ask you friend, if he had to choose between one of the two peace or here, which one would he pick?

For the former, all he needs to do is pack his bags and return to the land of the rising sun. For the latter, he needs to prove to USCIS that he entered the marriage in good faith and not just to derive an immigration benefit. I wish your friend the best of luck.


csantos said:
live his life in peace here
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top