Unique Problem!

A word of caution to guys waiting for their GC and have problems with their wives. Be careful, one call to the cops and wrong charges of assault can be the death for your GC. As you know, it is very easy to call the cops in the US and like India, the law favors the women. I know of some innocent guys who's wives called the cops and told them that the husband hit them. The cops arrested them.

Of course I am not generalizing. Not all wives are whackos.
 
I am a guy and I am not defending the actions of the girls who dump guys. But, it is only fair to mention that I do know of atleast 8 cases where the guy has dumped the girl (and the kids) in a similar, ruthless manner. Some of the girls were not even on the apt lease and our heros even canceled the lease before walking out, forcing them to take shelter with friends and families. One of them even had the courage to bring in his new desi girlfriend to live in with wife and kids before marriage.

I am pissed off (with bothe guys and girls who do this without consideration for the other partner) because my cousin (sister) was a victim and a teacher in my school (back in India) was a victim. Both the personal cases that I know happened when I was in India (school / college).

Only one of the eight cases that I know was a graceful separation. No fighting / cheap stuff involved. But even that was a sad event as far as I am concerned.
 
Silly Man - Bud, I think you make some very interesting points. The image of the US back home is so glamorized that anything for someone coming to this country through marriage for the first time could be a let down.

sacpat74,Silly Man - I think that getting into a relationship with a girl hopefully born and brought up in India and who came to this country on her own should be the best solution for us desis who have been living in this country for 5 - 6 years and have either recieved or are in the process of getting our greencards. She atleast would be able to associate with the hurdles and struggles that this situation has to offer and can probably look past the glamor and glitz! My grandfather used to say that there is no better learning tool in life than your own life experiences. You can hear and make an attempt to incorporate stuff that people tell you but what you learn for your own experiences is etched in your memory forever.

lsamp - I feel for your cousin bud. It is extremely sad that people can stoop so low and can be so selfish.
 
GCFasttrack, thanks to the differences in treatment to men and women in India that our parents generation doled out, you won't see too many girls come to USA on their own.
 
If I were an Indian girl and came to the US independently, I shall not marry a guy who doesn't even know how to respect the opposite sex, calls women bitches, takes wife as personal belongings... If I happened to marry one, I shall divorce him.

If I came here as a dependent and couldn't live on my own yet, I shall keep one option in mind---if the husband is bad, find a better one.

;)
 
Originally posted by yih
If I were an Indian girl and came to the US independently, I shall not marry a guy who doesn't even know how to respect the opposite sex, calls women bitches, takes wife as personal belongings... If I happened to marry one, I shall divorce him.

If I came here as a dependent and couldn't live on my own yet, I shall keep one option in mind---if the husband is bad, find a better one.

;)
Click to expand...

Words like sluts, bitches are more often heard in US then in India.
In India we not only have Gods we have Godesses too. In US
you could see a porn female actress telling some other female
as slut on national TV, where else in the world can you find this stuff except of course in US. With all the power women already have over man as given to them by Nature. No wonder you see american men bending their knees in order to get even a date. Notion of bad husband/wife comes from American/western cultures. Is it a surprise that most people end up living with dogs/cats in this country.

/Sarcasm
May be you should try working in Nevada Brothels, there you have best chance of "find a better one", at least you could keep trying.
/End Sarcasm
 
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Shame ...

Originally posted by justchecking


May be you should try Nevada Brothels, there you have best
chance of "find a better one", at least you could keep trying.
Click to expand...

Justchecking, from your earlier posts, thought you were a matured person.

I am sorry to say language people are using here is bad.

There are always bad husbands/wives because there are always bad men/women.

I know another woman who filed for a divorce after she got her residency ( she was a MBBS in India). The huband (/whole family ) felt betrayed.
And I know men who behave(abuse physically, mentally) badly with women for dowry etc.,

One can not categorize good/bad by gender.

If you count the families you know, including yours & your parents' in which wives control husbands or husbands control wives., you will know things are changing by generation.
They need not be bad towards each other, but women don't want men to take lot of things for granted.

If men call women bitches, women call men bastards.
People see marriage differently today than how they did few decades ago.

Thats truth for you. If you expect India to be backward "only" in this, and want everything else to be like in USA, then thats not possible.

Im sorry for the person affected by all this. Couldn't stop myself from not posting.

As for a suggestion :
Does not matter, if the girl is a desi who came here on her own, or a girl back in India, or a ABCD here etc. etc..,,

What matters most is knowing the person you marry before you do so.

I would say, Love marriages are much better than arranged ones.
 
Dude,

take it easy. I was just trying to be sarcastic. I think you did
not get my point. I was trying to say, marriage is a commitment
and one has to adjust to make it work. Love in a love marriage fades like a flower and you end up with a 50% divorce rate that
is typical of US.

-JC
 
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Originally posted by justchecking
Dude,

take it easy. I was just trying to be sarcastic. I think you did
not get my point. I was trying to say, marriage is a commitment
and one has to adjust to make it work.

-JC
Click to expand...

So you think what you have written was easy to be taken?

And my point was once you pay no respect to women, how can you make your marriage work?

Originally posted by mango_pickle
I am sorry to say language people are using here is bad.
Click to expand...

mango_pickle,

Regarding bad language, I can't help pointing out this post:

Originally posted by sacpat74
I hope you fucking go to hell.... hold on, you would go to hell anyways... I hope, you die fucking virgin.
Click to expand...

Can't even ask board moderator clean this up, because he is one of the kind:

Originally posted by Silly Man
What a bitch.
Click to expand...

This thread was quite a culture shock to me.
 
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Intersting ... IF she is trying to get divorce then u know know her intentions no point in reparing this kind of bond...
Well before he do anything to go in legal things he should get rid of all his saved money ( cause desi saves alot for homes) cause she will end up getting quite a much ,get rid of of joint accounts and credit cards and may withraw the cash and send it to india in some unknown account which cannot be tracked through westren union or some agency or any damn means. After this spend more and save less on your salary so that you can show u hv less saving and put up some balaces on your credit cards . Last call up your service center or ask your immigration lawyer for some advice if GC can be revoked .
 
could not resist

to post this after hearing your opinions about desi girls.

First of all these are handful cases and in so many marriages desi girls have been wonderful wifes, they in general do not deserve these opinions. Well if you have them I cannot change it but just a thought here.

I am a working wife( and have gone through all the struggle sillyman was talking about) and a mother of an infant.

There are other things in US that cause more problems in to already hard endeavour: marriage. The life is so lonely and there are so less opportunities to cherish life and all its wonfderful colors. Its work round the clock, no festivals, no special occasions and no relatives to visit and talk to. Ofcourse this all comes with the understanding acceptance of being in US but knowing that does not help solve the stress that marriages go through because of loneliness and depression.
 
this thread finally denigrated into SPAM. can somebody attach SPAM to the header of this thread.

GCfasttrack, no offence dude. you seem to be a very loyal friend. my sympathies are with your friend and his wife. you have posted this "unique" problem on all available boards.
 
Hi everyone,
First of all, Its gonna get worse before it gets better for your friend so I hope all the best for him in overcoming this hardship specially to a person in Love.

I'm not an indian but I come from a similar cultural background and without trying to add to the list of stories already posted in this thread, I will say that there are good & bad apples from both sides.

Don't promise the world only what you can provide. A person Man or women) to be so deceiving & to hide the way they really feel for so long is just emotionaly "evil" man and hurtful.

Good Luck
 
reply

Divorce is not an easy thing to both the male and the female.

It always is the result of one partner seeking advice.
Advice may be from friends, relatives or new partner or
a divorce lawyer.

Sometimes the actions during the divorce are entirely out of
character and defy reasonable explanation. It seems very illogical
that the partner is doing such and such and behaving in
this manner.

I know of a case where the Lady cleaned out the joint accounts
and also the furniture and clothes of the house when the
man went to work. Imagine his shock when he returns home
and finds his wife gone and the furniture and clothes gone
too and also his checking account is cleaned out.

All this was the result of advice by the divorce lawyer
to the wife and was entirely abnormal for the Lady to
do such an action. I dont blame the lady, the wierd lawyer
is to blame for such an event.

Life in the USA is very very tough.

All of us who are members of a family should see to it that
we do not have idle time on our hands. We have to have
the right mix of work, entertainment, food, play etc
etc.

Many times it is found that an excess in a particular
area results in problems for the human being may it be
an excess of work , or excess of food, or excess of TV,
or excess of any other kind.

We have many Indian women who are on H4 visas and cannot work
legally untill they get EAD.

Also sometimes the husband is earning well and the wife
finds it difficult to adjust to the fast life here and the
different accent.

And sometimes the woman has to take care of children.

I know of two cases

Case 1
The woman divorced her husband after 35 years of marriage.
The Indian couple decided to separate because the husband
was doing nothing for 10 years and sitting in front of the
TV eating chips.

Case 2
The Korean couple separated after 16 years of marriage. The
husband was a piece of furniture in the house sitting and
watching TV and eating junk food for 8 years.

Here it is very very important that the male and the female
should seek gainfull employment if they can

It does not make sense that either the male or female
is just sitting at home.

Of course there will be exclusions, but the bottom line is
"If You Can work then you should work"
 
I tend to disagree on this. Yes a woman should have ambitions but all that after the first responsibility ie home. A ladyi s meant to set values,grow up responsible children, take care of her husband etc etc. This should be the first priority of every women.Ever wondered why our Grandparents lived good lives free of divorce etc? Simple its the women who knew where the priorities lie. Here guys want more money so they make the women work or women are career oriented and liberated or whatever and so what happens ? the home suffers. Money will come and go a home cannot be brought. A woman can make a home a home worth living. First and foremost all women should get thier priorities right- home first. Men should be the breadwinner and the master of the house. But he should respect his wife. Ofcourse just as when a man looses his joba woman can help out so too a man should help with household chores. But take it from me any house where the women has her home and children as PriorityNo1 is the home we all crave for.

Set your home straight everythig will fall in place
 
I have been reading this post and agree to some ppl who said that it depends on the individual person and one can not blame a particular gender..
There are very few girls who made to the US on their own and I am one of them..

I am a indian girl who has been in the US for almost 5 yrs now. Came to US on H1B (directly employed from india in one of the big companies ..No bodyshopping or contract) .. I got married one and half yrs back just before I got my GC and I married a boy from india. He came on H4. It was a love marriage. He had never been to US before. We filed for his EAD (that means he was not working for 3-4 months). His GC is yet to be approved and we get along great.

I feel bad for those who put all their trust in a person only to get betrayed in the end. :( but who said life was fair ?
 
One hot thread

Firstly, I won't edit anyone's responses, that is against the spirit of free speech.

Secondly, This is sort of spam, either way I can't change the header once it is posted, so immaterial. Either way, I think this is a very pertinent issue, and looking by the hits and responses it has gotten, it makes no sense to edit it/delete it.

Thirdly,

Indian girls are the BEST. No question about it. And by "Indian girls" I mean Indian girls with Indian culture still ingrained in them. These girls are smart, down to earth, beautiful, and extremely adjusting, loving and caring. Every such girl is nothing short of a goddess, and I am sure all of us treat them as such. Luckily there are far more goddesses in my culture, than bitches.

AND .. I have very little respect for women who view a marriage as "What did I get out of it?", and even think of looking for something better, because y'know what I thought was great .. isn't .. (then you shouldn't have married, you should have gotten a dog). I am echoing justchecking's comments, just in a lesser caustic tone.

AND .. I have ZERO respect, and absolute loathe for Indian women AND MEN, who ape the west, forgot their culture, and instead of picking the good things from west, picked the materialism, and total profligacy.

yih, I hope you get to spend some time with an Indian family, you'll know what I mean, no hard feelings. You'll also know that you are wrong when you say, "If I came here as a dependent and couldn't live on my own yet, I shall keep one option in mind---if the husband is bad, find a better one." .... marriage is not a competition in which either has to try all his life to be the best all the time. Learn to accept others with their imperfections.

Tell me, If your husband is in an accident (god forbid) and looses his legs, would you dump him?

PS: Worst part, my pc crashed this weekend :mad: :mad: :mad:
 
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My dear Soumy,

Are you for real? I mean did you just time travel into this century from, I don't know, the eighteenth century?
You have some serious catching up to do in my view. These days men are not the masters my dear, they are equals at the most. Reading your post has led me to the opinion that the couple in question had at least one partner who thinks as you do. And my bets are on the man. No wonder shes divorcing him.
My dear Soumy, a woman doesnt make a home worth living, both the man and the woman do.
Romance, is the key here, not rules not who's the master of who. And compromise, and reason.

Seriously Soumy, are you for real? I pity your wife in case you are the husband and in case you are a wife, then I'll say nothing. Not my place.
 
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