Preview of TGIF

A

abhi_01201

Registered Users (C)
Please someone else post some jokes or something apart from me - thanks :)


farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes
in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this
beautiful
day getting pissed?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got
the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the
bucket.

Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened then?

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got
the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the
bucket.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the
right.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got
the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her
tail.

Man: Hmmm...

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and
tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my
wife walked in.....
 
Please no jokes here!

This forum is not for joke or anything else. there are a lot of jokes out there. It is just wasting time here.
 
I respect your view - but this has been a tradition - let's see if the general opinion is abolishment of all non immigration posts - I will abide by them.
 
Arrogant young whippersnapper

Keep posting jokes. These self-righteous, uptight folk are a
pain in the ass.

It's our forum. You're a newbie. An FNG. A cherry.
So before telling us what to do, I suggest you participate
in a humble manner until you learn the ropes and be a little
respectful to us old-timers.

Man, I bet you were so uptight that if we put a lump of
coal up your ass, in 5 days we'd have ourselves a diamond.
 
Green card processing has become too difficult and distressing and we desperately need some entertainment...........I guess its the same everywhere......... its an American policy.

Looking at the denial rates..............we need to read some more jokes to keep healthy!!!!
 
I strongly support abhi_01201 in posting jokes.

Hey man, it has been long wait. I knew this long wait making the applicants insane, distress and desperate. I believe we need to have some fun/entertainment in this sanity to keep us sane. Here is one…. You might have heard/read/seen this… I believe something is better than nothing… enjoy… Please see attachment.

If you like it.. I have somemore

Good luck to everyone.
:D :D :D
GCFeeling
RD 09/14/01
 
SHER & SHAIRI WITH COMPUTER LINGO!

Sorry for Posting this one. Can any one please translate so that
other guys can also understand.

Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...
-----------------------------------------------------
Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...
-----------------------------------------------------
Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...
--------------------------------------------------
Kal jab mile thhe
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain
your file not found!
---------------------------------------------------
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
no more disk space.
-----------------------------------------------------
Ghar se jab tum nikle
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya server down.
-----------------------------------------------------
Jabse meri zindagi mein,
aayi hai ek female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh
kya mailbox, kya e-mail.
-----------------------------------------------------
Dil se ek ishq ki
application create kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se debug karna
mein wait kar raha hoon.
-----------------------------------------------------
Tumhaare intezaar mein
neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera isp connection
time out ho gaya..
 
Keep the jokes coming

Keep them coming.
Who ever does not want to read them, can skip the thread.
No big deal guys.

Relax,
Our worrying is not going to speed things up, or solve the problem.

The jokes at least take your mind off the daily drudgury.
 
A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread,which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should
get two loaves as he is having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what was going
on.Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he
can continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and
down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself.

Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"



"No," croaks the old man, "but it's a quiverin".
 
War on Iraq...........Punjabi Style

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Gurmukh from Banga, District Hoshiarpur. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How
big is your army?"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabadi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Bloody Hell " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again. "Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Banga STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to
1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ....." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne ...... We've
modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tere Maar Di....." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
bottles, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
 
I adapted this joke just to give INS a ribbing
===========================

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day and he
walked
to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day
outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. Since Father O'Malley lives on the border of US/Mexico, he thought this might be an illegal jackass who died trying to get a GC. He promptly called the INS. The conversation
went like this: "INS, This is O'Rourke. How might I help
you?"
"And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Brigid's.

There's a jackass lying dead in my front lawn. Would you be so kind
as to
send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
O'Rourke, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley
then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true! , ! but we are also obliged to
notify
the next of kin"
 
RESIGNATION LETTER

> > THE BEST RESIGNATION LETTER EVER !!!
> >
> > This is how we should write a resignation to the
> > bosses who are the
> > biggest Pain In The Ass.... DON'T MESS WITH THE
> > COMPUTER GUYS
> >
> > Actual letter of resignation from an employee in
> > USA, to his boss. His
> > boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
> >
> > Dear Mr Baker,
> > As an employee of an institution of higher
> > education, I have a few very
> > basic expectations. Chief among these is that my
> > direct superiors have
> > an intellect that ranges above the common ground
> > squirrel. After your
> > consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers
> > and myself during
> > the commission of our duties, I can only surmise
> > that you are one of the
> > few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a
> > network administrator,
> > to explain every little nuance of everything I do
> > each time you happen
> > to stroll into my office is not only a waste of
> > time, but also a waste
> > of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how
> > to network computer
> > systems, and you were apparently hired to provide
> > amusement to myself
> > and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to
> > understand the
> > concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
> > You will never
> > understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
> > as binary still
> > gives you too many options. You will also never
> > understand why people
> > hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to
> > you, even though I am
> > sure this will be just as effective as telling you
> > what an IP is.
> >
> > Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you
> > ever will. You walk
> > around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for
> > fault in others.
> > You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that
> > may have worked for
> > your interview, but now that you actually have
> > responsibility, you pawn
> > it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will
> > cover for your
> > glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial
> > evolution, you are the
> > blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs
> > at. Managers like
> > you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing
> > as this situation
> > is unlikely to change without you getting a full
> > frontal lobotomy
> > reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation,
> > however I have a few
> > parting thoughts.
> >
> > 1. When someone calls you in reference to
> > employment, it is illegal to
> > give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say
> > to hurt me is "I
> > prefer not to comment. " I will have friends
> > randomly call you over the
> > next couple of years to keep you honest, because I
> > know you would be
> > unable to do it on your own.
> >
> > 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the
> > system, and I know
> > every password you have used for the last five
> > years. If you decide to
> > get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites
> > list", which I
> > conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your
> > useless files. I do
> > believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually
> > viewed favorably by the
> > administration.
> >
> > 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take
> > pictures of your
> > mother's b-day", you neglected to mention that you
> > were going to take
> > pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you
> > forgot to erase them
> > like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to
> > say I have never
> > seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I
> > assure you that those
> > have been copied and kept in safe places pending the
> > authoring of a
> > glowing letter of recommendation.(Try to use a spell
> > check please, I
> > hate having to correct your mistakes.)
> >
> > Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of
> > recommendation on my
> > desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to
> > anybody and all of your
> > little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to
> > the public.
> >
> > Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why?
> > Because they know what
> > you do with all that free time!
 
may be an old one.. a blonde joke ..

A guy walks into a bar with his pet gator.

Bartender : you can't bring such a vicious creature in here.. it is dangerous to other patrons

Guy: No, it is my pet gator and it is very docile. it is not a danger. I can demonstrate how obedient it is.

And goes on to proving it ...

Guy: "Gator, open your mouth slowly" and hits the gator on its head and the gator very obediently opens its mouth to reveal really sharp teeth

Seeing the bartender still not convinced he goes a step further. He opens his pants and puts his male organ (for the fear of getting banned like ShantanuB and Desi485) in the gator's mouth. He then commands "Gator, close your mouth slowly" and hits it on its head. The gator does so but leaving the @#$%^ quite intact

Then he commands again for the gator to slowly open its mouth and as usual hits the gator on its head again. Gator does as commanded and the guy puts his !@#$% back in his pants and says to the crowd "okay? convinced now as to how safe this creature is... does anyone want to try it?".

A blonde woman from the back says "I will try it but you don't have to hit me on my head"
:D :p :D
 
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