Some ideas for you.
stapc230 said:
Wow, thanks for the insightful response Al, I really appreciate the input. To be honest though me and my ex are just friends, and these days I consider her a good friend of mine. I don't think I could ever just "drop" her from my life. I'm not bothered by my wife having male friends and I trust that she would never cross the line, just as I'm sure she trusts me. I agree that some of the things I said over the phone were imature, but I'm learning from that and trying to grow from it. The truth is that I was married at 19 and my wife is older than me by 3 years, so the entire time we've been married has been like a major growing experience for me. Regarding your comment about counseling, we have considered it and I'm hoping this year once we are better off financialy we can start to see a marriage counselor to work out some of our differences.
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Stapc230,
Man... Do you realize that marriage license is the only obtainable license without a verification of your ability to master what you are actually getting yourself into?
Which is to be married... Try getting a drivers license without a road test or passing drivers education..
The road test verify your ability to operate a car within the acceptable standards of your state. This is the same with you passing the drivers education exam, you have demonstrated your knowledge of road laws. However, for marriage, all assumes that people understand the responsibility that comes with this license.
On a personal note, I studied this institution of marriage for a period of 5 yrs. My wife and I date for almost 6 yrs before saying we do. In the process, we read books which dealt with the entire institution, husband responsibilities, wife, rearing of children, financial matters, sex, friendship, romance in our married life, and many many things.
I will recommend this book: Communication, Sex and Money by Ed Cole ($9-$12). So, when I set my heart on marrying her, I knew that she is THE ONLY ONE IN MY LIFE. I see some beautiful women daily, but I desire none of them. You know why? I know that cheating on my wife is the quickest and surest way to destroying her, myself and the lady I will be banging. Not only that, our future is dependent on my leadership abilities and decision-making skills to take us to the next level in life. As such, immature decisions such as sleeping around isn't a model of a great leader, is it not? How can I tell my wife that I love her, while I slept or touched some woman's supple breast? You see, your conscious is supposed to let you know that this is wrong or right. This I am sure of, each time you flirt with your ex, you know this is wrong. You read your own post, you will see it coming across...
Moreover, my wife and I did a marital counselling for about 6 months in addition to our own private marital preparation. Guess what? The counselling was very very good, it helped us to understand and build on issue that we had done before entering counselling. Couple of things for you:
As I suggested, your ex-GF has a potential to ruin your marriage and cause pain and suffering for you both. I can assure you this. I assume you guys slept together while dating? As such, there is that emotional bond which still exist in her mind, so you continue to be her friend at your own peril.
You need to learn and find out what it is that makes your wife happy, what will help her to be herself, to perform at her optimum level in life. The same for you. The key in any relationship to understand each other better, dislikes and likes. What are your goals for this marriage, without common goals and plans for the future, your marriage is likely to to fail. Moreover, realize that marriage is a game of compromising, serving each other faithfully, seeking to build each other personally, professionally and spiritually. The more you know of your wife, the easier it is for you to please her and vice versa. Remeber this, the grass might look greener on the other side of the fence, but did somene ever tell you that their water bill was too high?
Listen, man are often deceived by thinking and magnifying possible sexual relations with other women, and often that they will be super than with their own wifes, and often are disappointed after 7 minutes of flurry, to learn the same organ their wife has, this mistress has the same. Their foolishness deceived them
There is a good book which I will recommend: GOD ON SEX. Go on amazon.com, search the title under books, is the first book that appears. It is an excellent read, which will ensure that you and your wife's marital relationship is elevated to the next level in life. Another book, His needs, her needs: building an affair-proof marriage. Again, search it on amazon, it is the first book that appears, just put in "his needs, her needs".
Man... I am NOT claiming to have a perfect marriage, but I am striving to be the best husband I know how based on my knowledge level. The more I read and attain new knowledge, the better husband I will become. You need to be a humble person, willing to learn and be corrected at all times. Women, not all women, prefer that their husbands meet their emotional needs (women have many many of these needs), so be prepared to be a willing participant and warrior for your wife. When your wife gets home, be prepared to engage her to she can download all her successes and failures, be that assuring husband. Most importantly, be each other's biggest cheerleader, after all, why should someone else be a biggest cheerleader for your wife, what the hell is wrong with this picture?
Found this on the web: When your woman first saw you she was turned on by your positive don qualities. She wasn't turned on by watching you piss on a fire hydrant, drop a load on the lawn, fart at your kibble bowl, or scratching your fleas. If you want to keep a certain amount of romance alive, save that stuff for the guys. It shows respect.