I failed myself and I hate it..

S

Sankrityayan

Registered Users (C)
This may sound silly, but I am slowly realizing that I have allowed myself to senselessly waste away. It suddenly dawned on me yesterday that a few lowly bureaucrats have wielded enormous power over my life. Theirs has been the unseen hand that has silently played a significant, life changing, and maybe career altering role over the past few years.

I have waited for alomst six years now for something and I dont know what it is. Is it the green card? I suppose not, for when I think hard about it, I feel foolish. It seems that I have wished away six years of the thirty or so productive years of my life and I dont feel any happiness or satisfaction for it. I feel no hope and there are only embers left where there once was burning ambition. Cynicism and emptiness have replaced idealism and hope. And as hard as I try to see what went wrong, I have no answers.

Is this normal, or do I need to seek treatment?:(
 
Well, it's normal if you have filed your 485 and is pending for more than 2 years.
Best this in this situation is take is day by day. Don't visit this site(or any site connected to green card) more than once a day, that will help you focus on other things especially techinically, after all that is what one is about(if you are employment based).
Think for something different instead of approval or waiting for approval.
IF you can post area of your interest, i may have some suggestion to help you feel happy & proud.
 
Sankrityayan

Read your post broke my heart. Immigrant is a hard road we chose to walk on and it is harder than what I prepared from that day I set my feet on the airplane heading to the freedom. I have been here for 10 years going on the 11th. My life could be so much different if things went smoothly as it should be. I gave up lots and at certain point I wondered if it worth it. My personality changed, my dream changed, my goal changed, my life style changed, yet I wonder if it is changed for better or worse.
But yet I felt that I can't turn around. It is a one way road and you crash, you lose. Don't give up your hope, live for simple happyness in your life. They can waste away our time, make it hard but don't let them take away your dream, your hope, your happyness that you can find from your family, your friend, a morning sunshine, a smell of a rose, the sound of a rain drop. Hanging in there, think about that we are all here for each other, in the same boat. We would never lost our ability to laugh and sing and dance. Cheer up! Life does go on, and remember "this too shall be passed"
 
Sankrit,

Life is like a one day cricket game. You have just stated batting and used up only six overs out of thirty or thirty five alloted. Be happy that you are keeping your wicket and scoring too. You are going to score big time in the slog overs. I am sure you will. I see that you are a master batsman.

How does it sound ?

Good Luck !

Regards,
 
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From what I have seen, this place is not what it used to be. There was a time when there was so much opportunity among other things.

But the thought of the people here is really going along the pathetic lines. The power of immigrants is their unique thought and ideas that ccan enrich the existing culture/technology.

But it is the freedom to do what I want to that brought me here and cannot do that with so much fuss about immigration. Ideally they should check if a person is qualified and that the qualifications are desired (in addition to non-terr affiliations). Given a chance, somebody could have opened another new technology company now and probably hire several thousands like the way sun started. But, then all the energy is being forced to be used to slave for some of these employers leading to a change of character. I know several entrepreneurial people, became defensive once they got gc and I suspect I will be following their footsteps !
 
I don't think anyone has wasted any time ... its just that one is running out of patience ....the eagerness to get the approval faster.... unhappy that its taking so long .... seeing others with later ND/RD getting approved and you still waiting .....all these in totality makes one feel sick and frustated .....

Regarding bureaucracy whenever i feel i frustated i think of various offices in india, i have many incidence to remember when they tested my patience ....think of indian judicial system

and as gc48501 suggested "Don't visit this site(or any site connected to green card) more than once a day," i think thats a very good advice .....

hey did u check your bank balance for the time u have stayed in US ,MAY BE you will be happy for a WHILE .... :D

Plz dont be sad and disheartened ...we all have worked hard to reach to this point ..... and 'm more than sure that sooner or later will get our due.
 
LOST CLUB

SANKRIT - Thank God you wrote exactly how your heart feels. You're not alone there my friend. And now I am convinced, sure as hell that, this is not abnormal, because this is exactly how I've been feeling lately as well. And it kills me. Many a time, I used to wonder whether I need some treatment and all along I used to think that it was just me feeling this way. But now I understand from you, wandergirlus, krishna, etc - there is a big 'Lost Club' here.

Irony of the whole thing is that - some of the points you guys have mentioned, just slice through almost exactly the way I used to feel.

We've had to sacrifice too much until now, and still that is exactly how the future beckons on us - from what I can see.

Sure they played and won the role in our lifechanging, and certainly the career altering in all our lives during these last few years.

About Satisfaction and Happiness - sure I agree with you 110% - we dont have neither of these - if at all we claim to - we are just pretending to have them and fool people around us.
But have we wasted our few years here - I dont think so and dont agree with you on that - becos I think of it just another experience in life. But the only twist to this is - there is no help in sight with this experience we're going through.

WANDERGIRLUS - I have lately adopted a lot of the points that you've mentioned - trying to find happiness in little things - suddenly feeling so very old. I am trying my bit to spend more and more time with my family - maybe you can say I am trying to run away from the trappings that I am into - having taken the road I chose. Same with me - I dont think I can turn around(although I would wish for it to happen) - you're right saying its a one way road and the obvious crash is the end.
I was so able to relate to your point of - how my personality changed, my dream changed, my goal changed, but still confused with either that is for the good or bad.

KRISHNA02 - I am totally with you when you say - that we're becoming less charged day by day bogged down with so much of irrelavant stuff. There used to be a time when I was filled with the fire and ambition - but not that spirit is literally dead. And if you will let me borrow you sentence - "we're already on the defensive"...and that my friends is bad.

Thank you all once again - I am glad that there are so many of us in this 'Lost Club'

________________________________________
'We Live by Hope and by Hope we Live !
 
There was a similar thread here last week - it helped me make up my mind on an big-screen TV I had been looking at for the last few months, but putting off the 'big' purchase.

I purchased it last week, and realized that absolutely nothing has changed in my life, or the world for that matter, except that watching the Matrix and the Eagles win is a lot more fun!!

Go out and treat yourself - do out, do good, feel good; we are, after all earning, solvent, (for the most part) fairly affluent, tax-paying members of this consumerist, capitalist society.

Show to yourself that these frigging lowly-paid and unqualified bureaucrats have no power over your life, other than how much you choose to give them - which should be little to none!! I know it sounds hypocritical, but focus on the good in your life and screw the bad!

Cheers,

K
 
Sankrityayan

Life is a beautiful gift of god. I don't know which country you are from. But just by looking at your name, it seems like you are from India.

Materialism can not bring real happiness to the life. You have to have spiritual base too. Read some good books of Vivekananda, Maharshi Arbindo or any good book which try to explain Vedic Philosophy. Make it a habit of reading few pages everyday.

All answers are within you and you will definitely find it.

ssp_aks
 
Yes tears in my eyes too! I agree most of you and also "ssp_aks". I am consider myself educated and go-get it type person. But this GC process has made a big impact on my life. I sometimes ( I guess most of the times now :rolleyes: ) feel very helpless. How long this will go on????

But hang in there guys!

Our day will come too....

Mugdha.
 
My 2 cents!

Off late this seems to be a very common refrain amongst AOS filers that our lives are on hold, and we are wasting away our youth, but IMHO, other than for a few this does not really hold true.

After AC21 was passed, there isn't that much holding you back from a better job, other than your own capabilities. So obviously the job cannot be the reason for the moroseness. So the real cause is the uncertainty. Technically there is no reason to be depressed, the only reason people do not really enjoy their lives, instead look over their shoulders to see if INS approves, is because their priority stucture in life is WRONG! Living in the US is more important to them than other things, infact it is the most important thing to them.

But if you are really happy with what you do, have your priorities in life correct, with Family, Job Satisfaction, followed by GC pulling up as a distant third if that, there is NO reason to be sad or depressed. Why give importance to something that is of no real consequence? The tech industry to which many belong is already in the doldrums with places like India/China/Singapore rapidly catching up with the US.

If your GC doesn't come through, BIG DEAL! Lot more countries out that want you and your skills, if enough of us move there, we will make it the next America!
 
Universal KARMA

First of all, I am one of you guys in the long GC process.

But I don't feel any sadness or anything like that. We all knew it was this before starting on the journey. We all knew there are inherent risks along the way. And we all knew there is not a lot of freedom while we are in the process. SO then, why did we apply for GC? BECAUSE, that was the BEST course of action available to us at that point in time. And then why are we unhappy now? Lets be strong and face and support whatever decision we took years back. And by the way, why are will still in the GC process, because even NOW, we believe that is the best option available for us now. Then if the best option takes years to accomplish, so be it. Why cry? If this is not the best option, quit and start working towards something else. Being in control is the key.

The point I want to make is - all the suggestions above - trying to be happy, finding happiness in smaller things, etc are good (and we should always do that, not just if GC is pending), but it will not help. Why? Because, OK - you get your GC, and now there is something else you are looking for and its going painful, then again you will find yourself in the same situation. They are all tending to make your feel happy for the moment but making you weaker and weaker over time. And weak people don't do much in this world. So thats not the solution.

The solution is - believe in the law of universal karma. What you sow is what you reap.

So if you believe you failed yourself now, you were always a failure. I know its not very encouraging, but its true. AGAIN, What you sow is what you reap.
 
Well said, sk2002sk

I couldn't agree more.

If I might add one small bit...

Once you have done everythingyou can about any problem, forget about it. When you have done your part and there's nothing left that you can do, no amount of despair or dejection would help. Do your part and wait (in this case, rather endlessly!).
 
Well said guys..and I really admire what Wandergirlus,Philly and SSP_AKS...said...well San...don't get too depressed...in this life we dont get everything what we desire...and this GC thing is not in our control..so why to get depressed...?? As others have already said live for the day...and look happiness in small things..like winning a game of tennis..playing with your kids...there are many of us like you who think in the same way and who got stuck up with this stupid GC process ....but what to do..at least be happy that we stayed put over here...think about sooo many of our friends who were laid off and were fored to leave...

So buddy cheer up...keep your morale high, chin up and smile....:D :D :D :D
 
They also serve who stand and wait

or so the bard said. Greater mortals than you (well, pardon the presumption, but certainly greater mortals than I) have voiced the same feeling, though friend Milton did put it quite succinctly.
 
Remember folks, as someone said, we, humans, are like a donkey with a carrot tied to its nose and trying to catch it. Poor donkey it keeps trying and trying.Carrots keep changing, but the donkey has to keep trying for the some "carrot" or the other always.

I hope u get my point..

Enjoy guys.

Once again I appreciate you all, for your "Indomitable spirit".

Hey Sankrit... Enjoy the spin... once again...I thot you were a big hitter...

Good with your "Universal Karma" sk2002sk.

Regards,
Sidhdhi..
 
Some of you expressed empathy with my state of mind and ....

I appreciate it because their responses tell me that it is not abnormal, at least not to an extent that I need to get counsel. There are other posts that tried to provide some encouragement and I thank those as well. There are a couple that attempted to put me down and, as quarrelsome as I am, I will refrain from picking one here because I believe they are well-intentioned.

A friend of mine (not colored by the GC experience as he has not much of an idea what it is; he belongs here) said last evening that it is just the thirties; they do that to you, and that suggestion seemed to have a ring of truth to it.

However, coming back to this thread, what seemed to be a common assumption of almost all the posters is that I feel the way I feel because of my GC travails. You are not reading, folks. Go through my post and I have explained in there that I have thought hard about whether it is indeed because of the GC, and come to the conclusion that it is not. GC does not mean much anymore because I have made up my mind to leave the US, and my employer is more than happy to provide me an international posting, and give me the promotion that has been due for a couple of years, which I could not accept because, you guessed right, of GC considerations. My lament was about a worrisome realization that I am losing my gumption for life. I do not feel passionate about many of the things that used to excite me greatly and my ambitions do not seem to mean much anymore, now that I am part-way there. It is disheartening to see that I have spent a good deal of my life in trying to get here, and, I am not able to honestly answer in the affirmative the simple question, was it worth it?

I imagine many of you, professionally, are in similar situations and by posting my self-doubts, I hoped that some of you may be able to relate (and some of you did; thanks). Usually when you recount your experiences and are able to correlate them to others' around you, it is therapeutic. Of-course, the next step, if necessary, is professional help and I wanted to know if I needed that as well.

Thanks again.
 
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Welcome to midlife crises(MLC). Around 30s give or take a few, there is bound to be a change in every person, people tend to reach out for stability and find various options to achieve the same. IMHO: for people in India, this is the age to make it big or become complacent and accept life as it is.

We come here, with a different mindset that we can make it big and do not want to become complacent, since we feel there are so many opportunities which could berth us on a higher loft than most people of our age back in our country do. I personally feel that no matter what this is something everyone does un/sub/consciously.

Then here comes a bigger force a systemic force (call it society/politics/government) we cannot overcome except try to influence it and/or wait for positive outcomes form our moves. GC is just one part of the myriads of issues that MLC encounters.

Every one has his/her own experience in dealing with MLC, so there is no one way of doing things, be your own CEO. In the end, if we are aware and get mentally prepared for the possible outcomes, I think we will/can derive some gratification that we have some control on our individual lives.

Sankirt, take a deep breath, get hold of your thoughts, get out of that loop, celebrate Thanksgiving in your own way for all the good things you got and thank the forces(did it sound like Starwarsm -- it is in a way) for giving you the opportunity to experience the incredibly mystic GC experience.

Cheer up buddy :) :) :) :) :D :D
 
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