How to search a beautiful wife part-1 ?? TGIF Preview.

Status
Not open for further replies.
S

searching_help

Registered Users (C)
ARRANGED MARRIAGE: THE SEARCH FOR BEAUTY
( A collection of tips to find a beautiful wife)
If you are a typical, single, Indian man who lives in the
USA, the time will come when it will dawn on you that the
only chance you have to indulge in wedded bliss lies in the
hallowed institution of the "Arranged Marriage". You
probably left India when you were twenty-one, having
squandered your adolescence striving to get here. At this
point, you are twenty-five or older, and have been out of
touch with the general Indian female population for more
than a decade. All the women you know back home are
married. This manual is written for those of you who harbor
hopes of acquiring a beautiful arranged bride.

If you belong to the rarified set of intellectuals to whom
the external female form holds no charms, and those who
evaluate others according to the quality of their inner
selves, this manual is not for you. Before you stop reading,
please accept my heartiest congratulations on your self
control and ideological correctness. I am not worthy of
even addressing you (kneel! kneel!). No, this manual is for
the rest of you, mere mortals, who still have enough red
blood in their veins so that you can admit, even to
yourselves, that you rather like the idea of having a
beautiful wife.
Of course, before I even go about describing how to acquire
beauty, it is necessary to define it. And this is where I
expect the most disagreement. There will be those among you
who proclaim, "But beauty is in the eye of the beholder!"
And you would be partly right. If you are a man who equates
beauty to facial attractiveness, there is not much that this
manual can do for you.

You are a very fortunate man, for Indian women have the most
beautiful faces of any race in the world. You have a very
large pool to choose from, and you do not need much help in
choosing, because you can look at each prospective bride's
face and decide whether she is beautiful or not. No, this is
written for those who would like their wife to have a good
figure too. For you, the job is harder. Typically, Indian
women do not get much physical exercise, and consequently,
if they are not scrawny, tend to be on the overweight side.
Why do you think sarees are so popular in India? Because
they can hide all the embarrassing bulk! Some men think that
Indian women do not have shapely legs by reasons of
genetics. I say to them, check out the figures of the IA
(ABCD to you politically incorrect guys) women. They are on
par with anything I have seen on any other race. This is
because IA women work out and take care to keep themselves
in shape.

You cannot go covering yourself up around here, not if you
want to get dates.
If you are one of those academic types who have not given
much thought to the matter, or merely one of those blighters
who like to ask intelligent questions to which you already
know the answers, and ask me, "But why does one NEED a
beautiful wife?" I would reply that beauty is a double
edged sword. It has its advantages and disadvantages, some
of which I summarize below.

Advantages of having a beautiful wife.

a) A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an
unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her
faults during the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage,
simply because you will not have the heart to get irritated
with someone so lovely. She will be much easier to forgive
after a fight.
b) b) If you are the typical desi engineer, you will not be
exactly Adonis Reborn. If your wife is homely too, your
child will probably look like the Swamp Thing, or the Blob.
If you love your unborn children, you owe it to them to give
them a beautiful mother.
c) c) A beautiful wife enhances your social stature.
People will look at you and think, "How the &*% did that
!@## land such a gorgeous babe? He must have something that
is not visible on the outside!" You will get invited to more
parties, especially by men who want to spend the evening
drooling at her. Conversely, if your wife is homely, you
will be rather embarrassed to take her to gatherings of your
friends, especially if they are all married to knockouts.

d) And most importantly, sex will be much better if your
wife is good-looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years
when the pent-up horniness of the past 25+ years has worn
off, you probably will not be even able to get it up, unless
you resort to ungentlemanly and undignified tactics, like
fantasising about Sridevi when you are in bed.

Disadvantages of having a beautiful wife.


a) If you are one of those for whom innocence, virtue, and
chastity are important, beautiful women are not for you. My
empirical research shows that, while beauty (or the lack of
it) in a woman is in no way indicative of her intelligence,
beautiful women are invariably very street-smart. They KNOW
that they are good looking, and have got used to people
bending over backwards to accommodate them. This dawns on
them very early on in life, when they observe that teachers
are much nicer to them than to their less-attractive
friends, when almost all the men they encounter behave like
brainless, testeterone-driven apes in their presense, when
they observe that they get things done twice as quickly in a
government office.
b)
As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had
lots of men vying with each other for her friendship and
affections. She would have to be more than human not to have
enjoyed the attention. She would have played the men one
against the other, as women have done since time immemorial.
She might have dated, and even had affairs. In the process,
she would get to know men all too well, and would realize
that they are but putty in the hands of a good-looking
woman.
b) A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average
desi engineer. She will twist you around her little finger
and make you jump through hoops. Things will get done her
way nearly all the time. Of course, it will be fun to jump
through hoops for someone as lovely as she is. A homely
woman, on the other hand, will usually be so grateful to you
for marrying her that she will treat you like a king.
c) As I mentioned before, a beautiful woman is unlikely to
be particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay,
since too much virtue often goes hand-in-hand with rather
undesirable traits. A virtuous woman may also be ugly,
weird, boring, hyper-religious or frigid.
d) A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after
marriage too. This is the USA, and the fact that a woman is
married does not make her off-limits to adventurers or
would-be Casanovas. The more lovely a woman is, the more
likely is she to be propositioned by her male colleagues or
friends. Ergo, she is subject to much more temptation than
her homely counterparts. Think about this... how would it
be if women kept asking you, a man, to make love to them?
How many times would you refuse?
 
Part II - Continued... beautiful wife.

How to go about selecting a beautiful wife.

First of all, there is the matter of mentioning the fact to
your parents. If your parents are anything like mine, they
will freak out when they hear that their dear devoted son is
actually interested in earthy things like beauty (and, by
extrapolation, sex). It is not considered good form to say
that beauty is important to you in Indian circles.
Here is a very important tip... do not leave bride-hunting
to your parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their
priorities, coming after caste, horoscopes, family
background, perceived virtue of the girl etc. Make it very
clear to them that beauty is high on your list of
priorities. State in no uncertain terms that you will not
marry anyone who does not measure up to your standards. That
will prevent them from goofing off during bride-hunting,
shirking their responsibilities and palming off some
family-friend's daughter on you.

Another unpalatable fact is that your mother will not want
you to marry someone too beautiful. This often comes as a
surprise to most sons, but the reason is simple. Mothers
know that, sooner or later, there will be a tussle between
her and her daughter-in-law over her son's affections and
loyalties. Since women are extremely conscious of their
looks and tend to rate themselves accordingly, a beautiful
woman has a psychological advantage over a less attractive
one in an argument. Also, your mother knows that a
beautiful wife will tilt the scales against her as far as
you are concerned, since such a wife will probably have you
dangling by the balls, if you pardon the expression. So,
left to herself, your mother will limit her search to women
who are less attractive than she perceives herself to be.
Before you start on your bride-hunting, you should convince
yourself that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever
think, "But I am not so good-looking anyway, what right have
I to demand a lovely girl?" Since Man started walking the
earth, it has been the man's wealth that has been traded off
for the woman's beauty. Rest assured that your looks will be
the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a
prospective husband. (I am limiting myself to arranged
marriages here). She will be weighing your earning
potential, green-card potential etc. Even in this land of
feminism, "Cosmopolitan" has articles on "How to hook a rich
husband" and "The ten best places to meet successful men".
You have worked hard, and wasted ten of the most wonderful
years of your life getting where you are. You deserve to get
something out of it. Do not squander your bargaining
position. In other words, do not be ashamed to make your
preference for beauty known.

How to check whether she is beautiful.

First of all, never consent to marry a girl whom you have
seen only in photographs. PHOTOGRAPHS LIE!!!! Photography is
an art that can make HKL Bhagat look like Zeenat Aman. All
too often, photographs sent to prospective suitors contain
only the face. Also, they usually have been so air-brushed
and sanitized, all the pimples and other irregularities
removed, that the end product has little in common with the
original. Also, it is a certain fact that no woman will
consent to send you photograph that presents herself in an
unflattering light.
These days, in the urban areas of India, it is often the
practice to take an album-full of pictures of a girl when
she gets to marriageable age. These pictures show the girl
in various outfits, eastern and western. The album is then
sent to prospective grooms-in-the-states. During my last
visit to India, I learned from an authoritative source that
many of these pictures are blatant forgeries, involving
splicing the girl's head on to the figure of some other
girl, sometimes professional models. In one case, pictures
of a girl's good-looking sister were went out instead.
Bottom line: do not make a decision based merely on
photographs!

Darshan.

Once you see the girl directly, you can easily check whether
her face measures up. The figure is a different matter
altogether. Women have conducted more research into
packaging themselves than have been conducted on the entire
US space effort. You should realize that, while you were
struggling in your engineering program in undergraduate on
grad school, women were learning the techniques of
camouflage. She KNOWS that it is her looks that count. By
packaging herself so that she seems attractive to a
non-resident Indian for about 10 minutes, she can earn all
that it took the NRI 10 years of hard work to realize. Women
are extremely honest with their friends about their positive
and negative points.
They are intensely aware of their flaws, and work
systematically towards concealing them.

So, if she seems to have a liking for loose, flowing sarees
or salwar-kameez, keep your mind open to the possibility
that she may be overweight. That fold of her saree draped
oh-so-elegantly across her midriff might be concealing a
paunch. It it is wound demurely around her back, she
probably has spare tires. Does she walk slowly and sedately,
like an old Spanish galleon making its way across the seas?
She is probably holding her paunch in.
So what do you do if she always appears in such clothes? You
cannot very well demand that she change clothes... that
would be outrageously bad form. AND SHE KNOWS THAT! One way
to approach such a problem is the following. Tell her that
she cannot wear a saree in the states, that it would be
embarrassing for you. Tell her that if she is not willing to
wear jeans, shorts and pants on a regular basis, you are
probably not a good choice for her. Subtly hint that you
would like to see her in western clothes. If she refuses
flat-out, my friend, you can be sure that she is hiding
something. If she has a good figure, she will make damned
sure that you see it.

A large percentage of women in India have huge hips and very
heavy thighs. This is mainly due to lack of exercise. In a
saree or churidar, it is impossible to check for these,
which is why they are so popular. If a woman states that
she does not wear pants, warning bells should ring in her
mind. One way to check for obesity under a saree or salwar
is to note the relative positions of her bosom and midriff.
For a woman with a good figure, the bosom should be at a
considerably higher level. If she dresses so that the bosom
does not stand out, it is almost surely because she has a
paunch that comes to the same level. Or she may be droopy,
saggy or totally flat.
Let me reiterate, if a girl has something to show, she will
make damned sure that you will see it.

One way to see how your prospective bride looks when she is
not dressed up is to ask to see her family albums. NOT the
ones that they keep out ostentatiously but the ones that
they keep tucked away at the corner of the shelf. A lot of
overweight women go through crash diets during the wedding
season, starving themselves or going to professional
"fat-farms" to lose dozens of pounds, to get into
presentable shape for the darshan. I know of one woman who
lost 60 pounds in 8 months preparing for the wedding. She
quickly gained it all back after the marriage. Pictures of
the woman taken 2 or 3 years ago should tell you whether she
is inclined to obesity.

If, on the other hand, she is a thin woman who has padded
herself up to look good on darshan day, there is no way on
earth that you can tell. The best way to check for this sort
of stuff is to enlist the help of a sympathetic, liberated,
female, friend, sister or other relative. She can easily see
through the disguise and give you unbiased estimates of the
interior. So, if you have a sister, you had better start
being nice to her.
HAPPY HUNTING! ..UNITING!
 
Is marraige/relationship this week's theme?

RULES FOR WOMEN, FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH:

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
 
Woman - a chemical analysis

Element Name: Woman
Periodic Chart Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Generally accepted as 110 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to
550 lbs.
Occurence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1.Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2.Boils with no provocation.
3.Freezes up solid unexpectedly.
4.Melts if given special treatment.
5.Bitter if incorrectly used or ignored.
6.Yields to pressure applied to certain points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
such as diamonds, rubies and
sapphires among others.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning or reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5 . Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green with envy when placed beside a better specimen.
3. Defies proper aging analysis techniques.

HAZARDS

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time although several can be
maintained at different locaions as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other.
 
Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with
him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the
door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!" She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"

Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming - That was me!"
 
Hi newoverhere,
So what is your final answer : should we marry beautiful women or homely women ? :p
other's opinions are also welcome
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Originally posted by dsatish
Hi newoverhere,
So what is your final answer : should we marry beautiful women or homely women ? :p
other's opinions are also welcome
Click to expand...

Is homely woman the official title of ugly woman?????????
 
abhi_01201, here you go.........................

========================================
ELEMENT :

Man

SYMBOL :

Ma

DISCOVERER :

Eve (discovered by accident when she had a craving for ribs)

OCCURRENCE :

Often found near dual element Wo, usually in high concentrations surrounding a perfect Wo specimen.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1) boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts when treated properly.

2) can cause headaches

3) tends to fall into very low energy state often

5) gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature, as specimen ages

6) specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.

7) often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1) all forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.

2) may react with several Wo isotopes in a short period under extremly favorable conditions.

3) most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.

4) usually willing to react with whatever is available.

5) will be fairly inert and repellant to most other elements when saturated with alcohol.

6) is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers.

7) is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.

8) is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

STORAGE:

1) best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

USES:

1) heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo.

2) can be used in recreational activities.

TESTS:

1) pure specimen will rarely reveal purity

2) reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

CAUTION:

1) may react extremely violently when another Ma interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.

==============================================


.... something you read before right ? :p
 
Re: Watch out!!!

Originally posted by chakmur
You could be behind bars for polygamy!!!:D :D
Click to expand...


The suggested advice applicable to the people not living in US who are authorized for multiple marriages.
 
bhai log,

think think think again before planning to get commited! All the wise people in this thread...Thanks for the enlightenment. I guess guys are better off for an LTR! (hassle free :D :D)
 
you call it a great research ??? more than a girl this guy newoverhere is "baandalbaaj" . he freaking copied stuff from rajiv pant's website and pasted it here............Wow ! what a great genious you are.

COPY CAT
 
sick..

Such an insult to the female community !!
Do not ever think that females are so cheap that they will marry guys just for money/ green card. Remember that girls do exist who can take care of themselves and others too!!
I can easily count how many of you guys married/going to marry girls suggested by parents and also get dowry even in this modern era !! All hypocrits !!
Also, there are so many girls in this forum who've applied/got/waiting for green card for self and family. There are also so many girls who support their husbands and vice versa in any kind of downturns in this economy/life. Shame on you guys on discussing the beauty of the girls here !! Beauty is what is within oneself and if you really care about it, think of how u look/behave, before even you think that someone like Aiswarya Rai will cast a look on you !!
THIS IS SO CHEAP TO EVEN QUALIFY FOR A TGIF !!:mad:

For abhi_01201,

i am not sgi, if you know what i mean !! You can check out your private message(PM), 'cos i have some more bashing waiting for you !!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Agree with roran. Whatever happened to finding your spouse through the social circuit and looking for compatibility and why confine to marrying a woman of the same colour/ethnic background?? that's no fun.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top