first of all what assylum mentioned is correct, and i agree! don't keep looking for someone who has had the same experience, look for someone who can provide you with accurate and helpful immigration advice. sometimes that might not be what you want to hear.
apply for asylum, only if you want to apply for asylum, don't use it merely as a way to earn immigration benefits, because i promise you, you will fail. applying for asylum is a complicated procedure. if you have a strong case and you can prove credibility, file for it.
as for which of you to apply, again, it depends which one of you has a stronger case. that person should always apply. it doesn't matter if ur in status or not, you can always apply for asylum. however, it is better to apply within 1 year of ur arrival in the US. if you both have the same identical case, it is better for the one who has been here the least to apply.
if you can afford it, find and consult a good immigration lawyer.