GC to arrive but marriage on the rocks....help

T

thewait07

Registered Users (C)
I am so glad i found this resourceful site. I have a problem just like many of you. I got married in Feb. of '07 to my girlfriend of 6 years as we thought we had to take this step and take our relationship to the next level. After marriage, she is a USC, we filed for my AOS and the timeline is like below:
application received by uscis: march 07 - i-131, i-765, and i-485.
got EAD on 6/19/07 ;
I-485 interview on 5/22/07 (approved) ;
waiting on namecheck to clear as of now.

My real problem is me and my wife have started to have big fights. It has been very bad and have started to get worse by the day. The problem is i quit my earlier job (i was on L1B, and cancelled my visa) and as a result will have to go out of the country if we seperate. At this time, im not sure what to do. I expect conditional GC to arrive in Jan-Feb. of '08 but not sure how things will shape between us till then.
Please help me here as i am just so lost.
 
Hi thewait07, welcome to this forum. I also got married to my girlfriend of 6 years, a few months before you! I think your best situation would be if you try to save your marriage. Of course, "forever" if you so wish, but at least until your AOS is approved. I imagine after a 6 year relationship you'll have no problem later proving you had a good faith marriage when you applied, which would be what's required if you end up divorcing in the first two years. (In that case you would remove the condition yourself.) However, if you no longer have a good faith marriage before the AOS gets approved then you would no longer be eligible for permanent residency, because you would then be considered to be in this relationship solely to seek an immigration benefit.

So the key thing is for you to maintain a good faith marriage up until your AOS is approved. You'll have to judge for yourself, but a couple of fights don't necessarily mean you no longer have a good faith marriage ... some married couples fight every day for decades. If you separate before your AOS gets approved, it could be a problem, and definitely if you divorce. But you've made it together through the last six years and I hope it's just an adjustment period for both of you. Good luck!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
yep, fight for your marriage , do all it takes to keep it, its not gonna be easy, but hey, many people have pulled through troubulent marriages and you can do it too.
Good luck buddy.
 
Thanks everyone for your advice. Highly appreciate it. I agree with all of you on working to save my marriage. That is exactly what i try to do but things flare up out of nowhere and then it is out of control.
Triplecitizen: yes i agree with you and i did not even think of immigration issue until a few days back. Now, since the chips are down all kinds of insecured thoughts pop up and immigration is one of the major ones.

austriacus you wrote:
However, if you no longer have a good faith marriage before the AOS gets approved then you would no longer be eligible for permanent residency, because you would then be considered to be in this relationship solely to seek an immigration benefit.

How is that to be true as when we got married it was in good faith. it is just a matter of months that things are not working (in my opinion)

Thanks again.
 
Man just work it out.Six years is a lot of time to just throw down the drain.My wife and I have been together for years.And in those years prior to marriage we have gotten into so many arguments that I couldn't count them if my life depended on them.Since marriage everything has been wonderful.The point i'm trying to make is you don't give up on a serious relationship much as more a marriage because of arguing.Don't even contemplate it.

And as for things flaring up out of nowhere,(and i'm saying this at the risk of being torn to shreds by the female members:)) that's what they do!They start stuff just to start stuff:rolleyes:...Just hang in there,best of luck to you!
 
thewait07, to elaborate on what I said, my understanding is you have to be in a good faith marriage at the time your I-485 gets approved (not having had one). Only after you receive your GC, the test becomes "if you applied for the GC based on a good faith marriage."

However, I agree with others, don't think too much about these technicalities right now. The bottom line is that you've had a long relationship and trying to make it work. Perhaps married life is a little different from what you're used to before as boyfriend and girlfriend, so it might just take some compromise and adjustment. But, 6 years is already longer than many marriages last in the US, so if you could get along for 6 years, chances are you can get along for many more to come.
 
Is it possible that you are feeling the effects of being stuck in Namecheck? I know that is a stressful thing. Maybe that is putting pressure on the relationship? Just a thought

You have been together for 6 years, surely you can give it a fighting chance. As someone that has been married twice, I can tell you there is a shift when two people get married. I don't know why, but there is.. you can be boyfriend and girlfriend for 10 years, get married and for some reason, there is tension... I have been through it twice now.

Try to understand how she feels... ask her questions when you are NOT arguing.. maybe something is bothering her that she hasn't told you about.

Hang in there...
 
Thank you again for your comments.
Pville - you are right on the money.....stuff starts out of nowhere.
austriacus - i see your point now. Yes 6 years is a long time but my head is against the wall right now.......but i am an eternal optimist so wouldn't give in.
The french maid - thanks for your comments. As a matter of fact, this namecheck thing is not bothering me at all until my fights with my wife. I did not even think of GC or namecheck as i dont really care if it takes 2-3 years. But when my things with my USC wife go south thats when this issue has started tickling me.
"Try to understand how she feels... ask her questions when you are NOT arguing.. maybe something is bothering her that she hasn't told you about."
yes this is what i should start doing more religiously. Thanks!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top