Can I Dare??
- Thread starter july16
- Start date
phoaupkari
Registered Users (C)
Please go ahead .
i'd love to have some fun ..
i'd love to have some fun ..
Ina, Mina and Dika
There were 3 friends, Ina, Mina and Dika. They all worked on the top of a cliff and Ina said, “If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow I'll jump off this cliff!”
Mina said, “If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff!”
Dika said, “If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff!
It was the next day, and they all had to jump off as Ina had cheese Mina had ham and Dika had jam!"
Two days later, it was the funeral and Ina's wife and Dina's wife said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like what we put in their sandwiches?"
And Dika's wife said, “I dont know why my husband jumped off the cliff he made his own sandwiches!”
There were 3 friends, Ina, Mina and Dika. They all worked on the top of a cliff and Ina said, “If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow I'll jump off this cliff!”
Mina said, “If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff!”
Dika said, “If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff!
It was the next day, and they all had to jump off as Ina had cheese Mina had ham and Dika had jam!"
Two days later, it was the funeral and Ina's wife and Dina's wife said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like what we put in their sandwiches?"
And Dika's wife said, “I dont know why my husband jumped off the cliff he made his own sandwiches!”
phoaupkari
Registered Users (C)
Courtesy of my good friend Futuregen1
-----------------------------------------------------------------
An archaeologist is the best
husband a woman can have; the older she
gets the more interested he is in her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed.
It is not fair that some men should be
happier than others.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can
borrow it cheaper.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I
was married two years back.
------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will
> give you expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women
than married men; if they didn't, they'd
be married too.
------------------------------------------------------------------
>
Men have a better time than women;
for one thing, they marry later, for
another thing, they die earlier.
----------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a
fish without a bicycle."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three ring circus:
--engagement ring
--wedding ring
--suffering
---------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles,
everyone knows why. When a ten-year
married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
---------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you an be sure of one
thing: either the car is new or the wife.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she
keeps finding her way back .
----------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want
to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
----------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great
for two days. Then the mud fell off.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me
why he refuses to ever get married.
He says "the wedding rings look too
much like miniature handcuffs....."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back
door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll
shut up after you let him in!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the
grave of his dearly departed mother and
started back toward his car when his
attention was diverted to another
man kneeling at a grave. The man
seemed to be praying with profound
intensity and kept repeating,
"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
interfere
with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is
more than I've ever
seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A
parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's
first husband."
----------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The wife decided
to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and
drowned. The husband was stunned for a
while but then smiled "It really works!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Before marriage, a man yearns for
the woman he loves. After marriage, the
"y" becomes silent.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
An archaeologist is the best
husband a woman can have; the older she
gets the more interested he is in her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed.
It is not fair that some men should be
happier than others.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can
borrow it cheaper.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I
was married two years back.
------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will
> give you expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women
than married men; if they didn't, they'd
be married too.
------------------------------------------------------------------
>
Men have a better time than women;
for one thing, they marry later, for
another thing, they die earlier.
----------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a
fish without a bicycle."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three ring circus:
--engagement ring
--wedding ring
--suffering
---------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles,
everyone knows why. When a ten-year
married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
---------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you an be sure of one
thing: either the car is new or the wife.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she
keeps finding her way back .
----------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want
to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
----------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great
for two days. Then the mud fell off.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me
why he refuses to ever get married.
He says "the wedding rings look too
much like miniature handcuffs....."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back
door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll
shut up after you let him in!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the
grave of his dearly departed mother and
started back toward his car when his
attention was diverted to another
man kneeling at a grave. The man
seemed to be praying with profound
intensity and kept repeating,
"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
interfere
with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is
more than I've ever
seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A
parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's
first husband."
----------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The wife decided
to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and
drowned. The husband was stunned for a
while but then smiled "It really works!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Before marriage, a man yearns for
the woman he loves. After marriage, the
"y" becomes silent.
GeeCee Saga
Registered Users (C)
Hey I resent that!! All bad about women
mailman
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of
carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'F*** him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
Mad
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of
carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'F*** him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
Mad
One more Joke!
Dam Problem.
This one is a genuine hoot. It was an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.
Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget, Pierson, MI 49339
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31 2002.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management Division
******************* This is the actual response sent back........
Dear Mr. Price, Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated 12/17/01 has been handed to me to respond to.
First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal Landowner and/or
Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.
In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams.).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
Sincerely, Stephen L.Tvedten
Dam Problem.
This one is a genuine hoot. It was an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.
Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget, Pierson, MI 49339
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31 2002.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative Land and Water Management Division
******************* This is the actual response sent back........
Dear Mr. Price, Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated 12/17/01 has been handed to me to respond to.
First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal Landowner and/or
Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.
In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams.).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
Sincerely, Stephen L.Tvedten
GeeCee Saga
Registered Users (C)
Heck July16 if I was in the place of your wife (Thankfully am not) you would have graced the sidewalk tonite not even the couch!!
But I can vouch for you - you have been a gentleman on this board right uptil the last joke
So forgiven!!
On another note it's good to see something that can make you smile after all the tensions that life throws your way..
Keep up the good work and stick with sardars!!!!
But I can vouch for you - you have been a gentleman on this board right uptil the last joke
So forgiven!!
On another note it's good to see something that can make you smile after all the tensions that life throws your way..
Keep up the good work and stick with sardars!!!!
not that......july16....
I didn't bring it up ..............u did..........
So any sardars offended........plzz excuse July16.....
Btw....must say that..........keep them coming...........after getting an RFE. yesterday......I desperately need a break.......
How about some brain teaser???? Anybody??
I didn't bring it up ..............u did..........
So any sardars offended........plzz excuse July16.....
Btw....must say that..........keep them coming...........after getting an RFE. yesterday......I desperately need a break.......
How about some brain teaser???? Anybody??
2 Draculas
2 Draculas...are sitting down in a DRACULIAN Bar....
the First Dracula...Orders a Glass of Hot BLOOD...
The second orders glass of hot WATER.....
The First gets angry on the second...and starts hurling all sorts of abuses...saying that he is a disgrace to the Draculas..
How can U order Water.......After All we are Draculas...
The second one, asks the first one to calm down, wait and watch....
They both get their order....
The First draculas asks...NOW What..
The second one..get an USED SANITARY NAPKIN.....out of his pocket and says....
DIP DIP DIP and its ready to SIP...........
2 Draculas...are sitting down in a DRACULIAN Bar....
the First Dracula...Orders a Glass of Hot BLOOD...
The second orders glass of hot WATER.....
The First gets angry on the second...and starts hurling all sorts of abuses...saying that he is a disgrace to the Draculas..
How can U order Water.......After All we are Draculas...
The second one, asks the first one to calm down, wait and watch....
They both get their order....
The First draculas asks...NOW What..
The second one..get an USED SANITARY NAPKIN.....out of his pocket and says....
DIP DIP DIP and its ready to SIP...........