Argument with wife and Affect on Green Card.

GcardHelp,
Some people here have suggested that you need to be tough towards your wife or divorce her. I would suggest you to follow a cautious path rather than acting in haste and repenting later. Divorce is not a small issue. There are loneliness, social stigma, financial drain etc associated with that. Go for divorce only if you are sure that you can confidently face the post divorce life :cool: . I do not agree that "people do not change". I firmly believe that people change, but it needs a strong brainwash from a beloved person to bring in a change. So i would suggest you to ask your in-laws to come here and brainwash your wife about not repeating this type of idiotic things. That will be your best bet. Alternatively both of you go to india trip together and get her brainwashed by her parents. It's good that atleast her parents are good people. In many cases the lady's parents add fuel to the fire.
 
If after all these issues in your personal life, the only thing you can think of is how it affects your GC or deportaion than you have a much larger problem to deal with. Get hold of your life and family and let that determine where you stay.
 
I agree with dsatish statement that if proper counselling by experts or loved ones in a proper and timely manner, things will definately change maybe not 100%, but no one can change ones behaviour totally and you will have to live with some exceptions. The best thing for you is your in-laws and before it gets too late, try to bring or stay with your in-laws (Father and mother in-law) and they will definately help you guys as no parents wants their kids to suffer. There is a saying that a "Stitch in times saves Nine". Good Luck !
dsatish said:
GcardHelp,
Some people here have suggested that you need to be tough towards your wife or divorce her. I would suggest you to follow a cautious path rather than acting in haste and repenting later. Divorce is not a small issue. There are loneliness, social stigma, financial drain etc associated with that. Go for divorce only if you are sure that you can confidently face the post divorce life :cool: . I do not agree that "people do not change". I firmly believe that people change, but it needs a strong brainwash from a beloved person to bring in a change. So i would suggest you to ask your in-laws to come here and brainwash your wife about not repeating this type of idiotic things. That will be your best bet. Alternatively both of you go to india trip together and get her brainwashed by her parents. It's good that atleast her parents are good people. In many cases the lady's parents add fuel to the fire.
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I absolutely agree with what Dharma16 said.
GC should not control your life. Its only a means to the end, and not an end in itself.

GCardhelp :

You need to set your priorities straight. Do you want to live with a nagging wife all your life ? Sit down with her and let her know in no uncertain terms that you are here in the US for a purpose, and you have not come this far to listen to her threats. There is no such thing as "absolute equality in marriage". You have to be assertive in important things, and make decision yourself. The more you invove her in every small detail, the more she'll think that you can't do anything on your own. Be the boss in the house, and show her you wear the pants. Don't fall into the lovey-dovey trap. You had plenty of time in the last 3 years to do that. Be in charge.
 
Hello Friends.
Some good news. Things are definitely improving among both of us. Yesterday she was feeling a lot better and I had a long talk with her. We did not discuss everything but she admitted that she was getting the wrong guidance. She also said that she called her bhabhi and told her that she loved her husband and will not take any advice from her anymore. I explained to her properly the damage it was doing to our relationship.

I think she got the idea that this time it was becoming big and seperation is looking quite obvious. Like some of the users here have said that Love is not everything in life. There should be mutual respect. And she never did that to me. She always allowed her folks here to insult me and never defended me. Maybe it was because of insecurity and she needed them as a backup in case our relationship gets messed up.

I also have to admit that I have not been the perfect husband and it is never one person's fault. I told her we can discuss all that. But going to the cops was definitely uncalled for. She should have atleast called me at work and tried to ask me where the docs were. What will I do with her docs. She was quiet but I am sure that she has realized her mistake. If it was not the cops thing I would have got over it sooner. But the cops thing has been really hard to get over.

You know when we came to USA 6 years ago her Brother and Bhabhi told us that in this country it is always the girl who is right. The law and police will never protect the man. Thats the way this country is. This has made her resort to these tactics here. I am very sure about it. Plus of course the constant bad advice from that bitch of a bhabhi (Sorry about the bad language but I have been really mad at her).

We have also decided to give counselling a try. I am going to research my employment benefits to see what type of counselling we can go to. We will deifnitely try to save our marriage and hopefully things will work out in the right way. I know there is no way for me to get a guarantee from her that she wont threaten me with the cops thing. But I will have to just trust her on it again. This time she is definitely showing signs that she values our marriage a lot and I should trust her. I should definitely give her another chance on this.

As for the cops thing I suggested to her to go to the same police station and talk to the same officer and tell him that it was a misunderstanding with the documents thing. We have made up and have no intention of this happeneing again. But she is a bit apprehensive because she thinks it might impact us negatively. Because we dont want to make a joke out of all this. She tells me that maybe it would be wise to just be quiet about it since no charges have been filed at all. Like many users here have said that even if the cops logged the report, it should not affect a person's background since there have been no criminal charges filed against him.
So we might end up doing that and hopefully nothing bad will happen when we come back from India.

I have to admit that this forum has been excellent. There are a lot of intelligent and mature people here who have given excellent opinions. I cannot belive it that so many people came forward and shared their views. This is definitely the best immigration forum and I must pay tribute to Mr Khanna, The moderators and all you guys.


Thanks again !!
 
I sincerely wish you Both Good Luck and I am sure if you guys doesn't allow external people in your relationship and take good counselling lessons and value each other, then in no time, you will realise that you are made for each other! And like you said that you will give one more chance to your relationship and trust her, you have to also make sure that she knows that and respects your relationship and I am sure that it will definately work this time. Once again Good Luck and May God be with you both all the times!
 
It is good to be forgiving and it is always worth making few effort. But be careful and firm. If you can save it try all your effort, but do not loose the pleasure of your whole life with this kind of situation.
 
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