want to leave usc spouse

A

AnamCara

New Member
Shortly after we were married my husband began to drastically change. He stopped working, spends every waking moment on the computer having one online affair after another, doesn't go out or do anything around the house, and barely speaks to me. He has dragged us into bankruptcy and we were forced to move in with his parents (who pay for his interent). Two years have gone by, he still doesn't have a job and absolutely refuses to stop his online activities.

I work and look after everything from paying bills to doing the laundry while he contributes nothing. It has come to the point where I can't take it anymore. I keep waiting for him to 'get over it', to be the man I married again but after 2+ years I really don't think its going to happen.

I've been here over 4 years now and have just mailed in my I-751 to remove the conditions on my greencard. I have no family and nothing to go back to in my country. All I have is my job here and the friends I've made.

My question is, can I leave him and still get my new greencard? I'm not talking divorce, yet, just a separation. It doesn't seem fair that I have to live with this out of fear of deportation. And I have a feeling that he knows this, knows or at least thinks I have to stay here paying all our bills, looking after him while he enjoys his life. I just want to leave without worrying that I may be deported because the marriage failed.

I called CIS and they told me if our marriage ended I would have to leave regardles of how long I've been here or why the marriage ended. They were referring to divorce and I couldn't get a straight answer out of them concerning separation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
 
you shouldnt have any problems with it.. Make sure you document you paying all the bills etc / doing everything a married spouse does and him not doing anything (being unfaithful) ..

It shows that you have married in good-faith and he hasn't.. so I don't think you should have any problems whatsoever

Good Luck and keep us posted.. also do consult an immigration attorney.. (he may have some more information for you).
 
AnamCara
i feel sorry for you . i too are going through the same porccess as you ,with my status . i have gone through a similar experience.. only unknown to me ,i found out my wife is a pathelogical gambler.. for the 1st 2 years of our marriage she did all the finances . and i couldnt figure out , at our income of at 90 k a year ..why we were still on the bones of our arse...
she wanted to go bankcrupt several times .. but i talked her out of it ..so i took over the financial role, for paying our bills
(and a house husband ).. that is when i discovered she was embezzelling funds from the matrimonial account .. of 10`s of thousands $$ year
i in turn tried to control her spending habit at the casino .. by witholding the credit cards and check books .. she still found a way to get access to the accounts .. arguements started of course.. her gambling habit increased .. i shortly discovered i was married to a person with a very bad problem ..2 further years down the road , the problem continued .. ive begged and pleaded with her to seek professional help but she refuses
i cant force her seek help .. ive exhausted all my efforts to help my mife whom i still and will probably always love .. but i have to move on before tradgedy strikes .. so ive filed for divorce to save my own skin

my wife insisted on a no contest divorce.. which will do you more harm then good .. it will get you a quick deportation too probably
i opt to go the regular divorce route as to explain my case to the courts as to why the marriage has broken down (costly though )
it will look better for your immigration process

for now its been suggested to me to wait for my papers from immigration as they stand today .. divorce will take up to 8 months sometimes a year..im still leagally married, im sure my papers would have come through by then
.. .. if one gets denied .. you can, i believe ..file for another application once you get divorced . i dont know what the chances are .. but thats the route im going , as i did marry in good faith and i intend to prove it by explaining to the courts .. so its on record

forget your husband and get on with your life, you no longer need him

you will need an attorney.. best of luck to you
 
sachinphadke,

Thank you for the reply. It gave me some peace of mind. I have lots of documentation, and many many emails to prove this marriage was entered in good faith. And also emails that prove he has been having numerous online affairs over the last two years.

inspiration,

I'm sorry you are in such a bad situation. I have a good idea what you are going through, it all sounds so familar. It makes me wonder if they realize what we have gone through to be here with them, to give up our home and everything we know only to be dumped on and left hanging. Literally hanging, not knowing if our lives here are secure or not. And if that isn't enough there is always the pain of a ruined marriage. Sometimes it all seems too much to cope with. Hang in there and do whatever is needed to look after yourself. If your spouse is anything like mine than she is probably not too worried about how her behavior is affecting you, and on so many different levels.
 
It's actually a bit more complex than some of the above posts imply and the law has changed somewhat in the past year. Assuming that you filed a joint I-751, you will need to withdraw that and refile alone for a waiver. There are four grounds for a waiver 1) extreme cruelty, 2) death of the spouse, 3) extreme hardship, or 4) a good faith marriage that ended in divorce. You have to actually be divorced to file under 4. Separation will almost certainl lead to a denial of the I-751 and, in any event, if your husband refuses to attend the interview with you, the case will almost certainly be denied for lack of prosecution. You really need to speak to a qualified immigration attorney about this.
 
Jim,

That is true but what about the I-360? but again the original poster has filed the I-751 so looks like the I-360 is no longer an option or is it?
 
I have already filed a joint I-751 and my husband will be going with me for the interview. He doesn't want me to leave yet he won't stop what he is doing nor will he get a job. I imagine that is the reason he doesn't want me to leave, without me he'll have no income at all. I can't afford a divorce or a lawyer so filing a waiver is out of the question. Although I do have more reasons for a waiver now, he has started getting physical when he is angry but he hasn't left any marks or bruises on me yet.

I'm assuming this leaves me with one option, live with it until I have the new greencard. There doesn't seem to be much choice. This is very frustrating to say the least. But please tell that once I have that card I can leave! I'm not sure how much more I can take.
 
Anamcara

I don't mean to sound naive or insensitive, but I was wondering if there has ever been a sincere, patient and professional effort made to find out WHY your husband is doing what he is doing. It seems rather strange that a person would piss his life away like this. If you have not sought professional help, I suggest you do so -- perhaps as the last effort prior to separation.
Good luck to you!
 
WheresMahGreen,

No it doesn't make sense for someone to "piss" their life away like this. My husband is Bipolar. When I met him he was on medication. Shortly after we were married he stopped taking it and the problems started. I found out afterwards that he did the same thing in his first two marriages.

Professional help doesn't help when someone refuses to take their medication and misses most of their doctors appointments. Both his mother and I have spoken to his doctor but there isn't much we can do. You can't force someone to take medication or see a therapist.

We've even talked about marriage counselling. He says he'll go but when the time comes he backs out. Aside from getting myself some therapy I don't know what else to do.
 
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