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[gambler]

Everybody is so serious nowadays. Let me try to keep the tradition afloat

Golfing with an older man
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."

 

[gambler]

Santa and Banta at it again

Once the Banta Singh was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Banta Singh deserved more service. So, when the Banta Singh fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, Banta Singh was woken up, and he went home.

Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" He replied "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

 

[gambler]

Blonde

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"

 

[485GCCase]

A riddle from my side.......

1. There is a country which has no problem in giving greencards but the workers there don't know how to do it.....so they keeping sending notices for Finger Printings ......which country is that???

2. Name a country which works mostly with the help of immigrants...... but they give more importance to refugees??

3. A country which has taken charge of removing terrorism from the world but is unable to organize the immigration policies and other basic ones.

Anybody who answers this will be rewarded a free flight ticket to VSC.

love you all!!

 

[tammy2]

Sent to me by my friend

A Taiwanese man with very poor, practically no, English knowledge once visited the US. His name happened to be: Teng Xiao Ping.

At the Immigration, the officer asked him a few questions to verify his true intention of coming to the US:

- First he was asked: "What is the last name of our first President?" Not knowing English neither what was the question, he guessed they must have asked him for his family name.

So he replied:"Wa Sing Teng". (in Hokkien meaning My Last Name is Teng). The officer heard of "Washington!" (same sound) so passed him of the first question.

- Second question was:"What do you come to the US for?" This time the Taiwanese thought, naturally he would be asked of his first name.

So he replied:"Xiao Ping." The officer heard of: "Shopping!" so nodded and proceeded with his third question. "What car do u drive back home?"

The tourist thought he was asked of his marital status, so he exclaimed: "Wa Bo Bo". (in Hokkien meaning I have no wife). And the officer heard of:"Volvo!" So smiled with compliment and asked again.

- The fourth question was:"Who is the most popular basket ball player here in the US?" By this time our Taiwanese friend was getting a bit impatient and annoyed hence shouted:"Mai Ho Wa Ja Dan". (meaning Don't let me here wait).

The officer heard of:"Michael Jordan!" With great appreciation of this tourist's wide knowledge, the officer let him passed without further harrassment

 

[sai-2367]

Women's problem with men


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It's not so complicated!

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are pigs.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank GOD are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!


The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

 

[tammy2]

THE INDIAN MOM!.........This is really good!!!

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Kumar
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.