Tgif

Originally posted by 485GCCase
roran, long time no see!!!
Click to expand...

Yep. As you said b4, visiting this site doubles my stress. I am also keeping myself busy rather than visiting this site except occasionally on fridays to see if there are any good jokes around. God help us!!
 
here's one to cheer up

Santa : What a strange pair of socks are you wearing? one is green and the other is blue with red spots!

Banta : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
 
A Brief History Of Medicine

I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2003 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
 
A Nutty Game

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''

And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''
 
one more

Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?

Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday.
 
Jai Bhole Nathhhhhh

Please dont start another thread bashing Hindi .....

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.

Shivji khush hue ..Prakat hue .Bole..puttar maang
maang.. kya chahiye tujhey !Bakth utha ... bola
shivji mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do!Shivji
bole kaisa gadha hai?Unhone kaha puttar tuney
badi achchi tapsya ki hai.kuch bada maang !Wo fir
bola nahi ji mujhey to aap guitar hi do !Shivji ne
phir samajhaya abey kuch dhang ka maang!Par wo to
ada hi hua tha. bola, nahi aap to mujhey guitar hi
do!Shivji uskey pao main gir gaye bole yaar tu
kuch
aur maang. guitar na maang ..Wo bola nai nai nai
!!
mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye.Ab Shivji gussey
main
aa gaye ..boley , abey agar guitar mere paas hota
to main ye damaru kyo bajata phirta ???
 
Bill Gates vrs GM

You might enjoy....

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives,
read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates
reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto
industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology
like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a
press release stating: If GM had developed technology
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice
a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you
would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the
road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,
restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left
turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to
restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the
sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy
to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.


6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning
lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has
Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car
would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key
and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would
have to learn how to drive all over again because none
of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine
off.
 
An Indian was sitting with a Pakistani and a Malaysian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden; Saudi police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it as a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh suddenly said:"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tying a pillow to my back."
This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

The Pakistani guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 12 lashes before the whip went through again.

Before the Indian fellow could say something, the sheikh turned to him and said:

"As you are from a small country, and your football team and your
cricketers are terrible. So you can have two wishes" Thank you, Most Royal and
Merciful Highness", the Indian replies. "My first wish is: " I would like to
have 100 lashes." "If you so desire", the Sheik replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish ?" "Tie the Pakistani to my back", the Indian answered !!.
 
747 full of lawyers

Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
 
Roran for you, we missed you

Santa and Banta were admitted in a hospital,
Banta asks Sants : Oai Santa what are you doing here, and how come
you have so many injuries.
Santa : Oai Banta what do I say, I was travelling in a bus, going for
my sons admission in college, since the traffic was so bad, I thought I
would do all the paper work in the bus. So I took out the admission form,
filled it. Now I wanted to attach my son's photograph to the form,
when I tried to get the photograph from my bag, it fell down. There
was a Bhenji(lady) sitting next to me, I bent down tring to search
for photo, and I spotted it, it was between this bhenji's feet,
bhenji looked at me and asked what I needed,
I kindly replied, bhenji could you lift your saree, I need to take a
photo, and she along with the entire crowd beat me.

there's part two to it, would write later
 
Engineering In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
 
Re: Roran for you, we missed you

Originally posted by GCDEC2001
Santa and Banta were admitted in a hospital,
Banta asks Sants : Oai Santa what are you doing here, and how come
you have so many injuries.
Santa : Oai Banta what do I say, I was travelling in a bus, going for
my sons admission in college, since the traffic was so bad, I thought I
would do all the paper work in the bus. So I took out the admission form,
filled it. Now I wanted to attach my son's photograph to the form,
when I tried to get the photograph from my bag, it fell down. There
was a Bhenji(lady) sitting next to me, I bent down tring to search
for photo, and I spotted it, it was between this bhenji's feet,
bhenji looked at me and asked what I needed,
I kindly replied, bhenji could you lift your saree, I need to take a
photo, and she along with the entire crowd beat me.

there's part two to it, would write later
Click to expand...

Great joke:):D :p
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top