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Interview for VC Engineer in Mastek, Bombay

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Int: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candi: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it. What happened is - due to cricket worldcup I scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money". The baap actually said - "I will never waste so
much of money on you"). So I had to join this college.

Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetaki Mahavidyalaya hehehe...

Int: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Cand: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football worldcup, and tennis tournaments.. It is difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Int: But 4+2 is 6.

Cand: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in ! maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Int: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Can: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!

Int: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Can: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST through some relative. (My moms's exact words were - "Melya, kiti divas fukatache gilat basanar aahes?")

Int: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Can: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain! !!

Int: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Can: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As You can see I have experience of different platforms!

Int: And which languages have you used?

Can: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages
he he he...

Int: Why VC is better than VB?

Can: It is a commom sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higherversion than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Int: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Can: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language
our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Int: What is your general project experience?

Can: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Int: Can you tell me about your current job?

Can: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Infotech ltd. Since
joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows he he he..

Int: Do you have any project management experience?

Can: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel.I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like 'Showstoppers' , 'hotfixes', 'SEICMM', 'quality', 'version control', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Int: What are your expectations from our company?

Can: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wed off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term (preferably 1-2 months) assignments.

Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a worldcup in South Africa in Feb 2003, I don't mind going there in that period.

As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Int: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for! your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. I request you not to apply in our organization for next 100 years.
After that we might consider you!!

The candidate still doesn't know why he was not selected.


MASTEK
Investing in relationships
In the US, we're called MAJESCO
 
The Hypnotist

It was opening night at the Orpheum and The Amazing Claude was topping
the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his
stuff.
As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists
who
invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I
intend to hypnotize each and every member of this audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique
pocket watch from his coat & said, "I want you each to keep your eye on
this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six
generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while
quietly
chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch ..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the
swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and
fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit!" exclaimed the angry hypnotist.

\|/

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\|/

It took three weeks to clean up the theater.
 
phoaupkari

that was classsic!!

every time i think you set the 'funny joke' bar so high that it is impossible to reach

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you seem to take it even higher
 
Courtesy of Futuregen1

Happy weekend to you and the Forum
Here Goes:

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their
conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the
following;
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again.
Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come
once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we
don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa ta
spella Mississippi."
 
IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
 
Hillary's Gift

Trying to make up for bad behavior, Bill Clinton went to
the shopping mall to buy Hillary a gift. "I'd like to buy
some gloves for my wife," he says eyeing the attractive
salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in
his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly
smaller than yours." "Will there be anything else?" the
salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that
you mention it," Bill replied, "she also needs a bra and
panties."


Three Old Men

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old
said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be
able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and
it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."

The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is
if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of
laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."

Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning
at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At 6:30 am sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am."




Password

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer. She asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter "penis". Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED.NOT LONG ENOUGH
 
Re: IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY

Originally posted by st8
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
Click to expand...


st8

Weird That sounds just like my life:D :D :D
 
Good one...read it. it gets better towards the end.

It was the first day of school in Dallas and a new student named
Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who
said
"Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces,
except
for Suzuki, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775." He said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people,
for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no
response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit.
If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit
to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the
teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're screwed"
and Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"
 
A Logical Conclusion!!

Gyani Zail Singh was out walking in the Moghul Gardens when he was the President and saw Atalji sitting on a banch reading a book. Gyaniji walked up to Atalji and after the usual greetings asked him what he was reading.
Atalji told Gyaniji that he was reading a book on logic. Here is how the conversation went;
Gyaniji: Logic kya honda hai?
Atalji: Kuch khas nahin, Gyaniji. Don't let it bother you as Logic is not important as far as you are concerned.

Gyaniji's curiosity was aroused and he asked Atalji to expalin the subject to him Atalji, seeing that it was impossible to escape tried his best.

Atalji: Gyaniji, Logic is a subject that is based on deductions. You deduce things on the basis of facts. For example Gyaniji, do you have a fishtank in your house?
Gyaniji: Yes, we have a fish tank.
Atalji: If you have a fish tank then there must be fish in it.
Gyanji: Yes. We have many fish in it.
Atalji: Then somone must be feeding the fish also. Who does that?
Gyaniji: My daughter feeds the fish.
Atalji: Well. logic says that if you have a daughter you must be having a wife also. From this it can be deduced that you are not a homo-sexual.

Gyaniji thanked Atalji for the lesson in logic and Atalji escaped. Gyaniji resumed his walk. A little further down he met Rajiv Gandhi. After the usual greetings Rajiv Ganhi asked Gyaniji

Rajiv Gandi: Aur bataiyee Gyanji, kuch nayi baat kahiye.
Gyaniji: Rajiv bete, main aabhi aabhi Logic seekh kar aa raha hoon.
Rajiv was puzzled knowing that Logic was a difficult subject and asked him how that was possible to learn it so quickly.
Gayniji told Rajiv that Atalji had just taught him the subject and that it was easy. Here is how that conversation went

Gyaniji: Bada aasan subject hai Logic. It is based on simple deductions.
Rajiv: Mujhe bhi bataiye aapne kya seekha?
Gyaniji: Ok. Tell me Rajiv bete, do you have a fish tank in you house?
Rajiv Gandhi: No. We don't.
Gyaniji:That means you are a Homo-Sexual!!
 
July16,

If not for this thread, Mr. operations is going to kill u for the "Good Job Operations" thread :D ;)

So buddy, stepping into October now. U must be waiting for the D-day like Hell
 
Paccha

We are not talking about the INS audit, we are talking about my Interview date 18 Oct 2002.
 
July16

Let me know when you are boarding that little boat (on Oct 19th) out of this country.. I will come to wave you goodbye :) :)

Best wishes.. Hope all goes well.. you are almost there
 
Good Luck

July 16th,
Wish you Good Luck for the interview. We will all look forward to your approval message that day. You are one of the few who maintains a sense of humour on this forum where things are getting out-of-control these days( however, I must admit that I have been very close to abusing Pakistan and its rulers off late).
Best Wishes once again,
Ram
 
Certificate to certify non-availability birth certificate

Hello all-
I am planning to apply concurrently for I140 and I485.
I do not have my birth certificate and I understand I need to get an affidavit from my parents and a non-availability certificate.
Can some please advise:
1. what exactly does the birth certificate affidavit need to say? I someone can attach the language text, I would appreciate it.
2. How is this affidavit executed.
3. what exactly does the non-availability need to say? I someone can attach the language text, I would appreciate it.
4. How is this certificate executed? Who issues it and does it have to be from the place of birth?

Would appreciate e if you could share any dos/don'ts related to this step.
Thanks
Its_me
:confused:
 
HI Its_me

My sister had the same situation. What the lawyer said ws just to get a letter or some thing from the official authority which keeps record of birth and death, saying that they dont have ur birth records. Thats what her lawyer said and she got the GC. This is around 5 years ago.

I am not a lawyer, but better talk with ur lawyer to get a format for the same.

HTH
Sudhi
 
Hi ITS_ME

Get a certificate form municipal office of city of birth stating that they can’t find your birth record in their records. Try to get in both languages i.e. your native language and English on same paper. I got mine in both languages. I think that is standardized form in India. Then get the affidavit of birth from your close relatives like uncle/aunt. Or get these affidavits from your parents. I got them from my parents. You need two affidavits from two different persons.
You can find sample affidavits on INS web site. I got them from my attorney. If I find a link for the affidavits, I will post it. I hope this message may help you.

Good luck to you
:D :D :D

GCFeeling
RD 09/14/2001
 
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