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gambler

Registered Users (C)
Know it is early but here u go

In a Test between India and Australia,the fiery Brett Lee was sending quivers down the Indian spine.The new batsman,our Santa,walked slowly to the crease,not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter house.

As Lee thundered in,suddenly Santa stood up in the crease,and signalled that he wanted the sight screen adjusted.Adjustments were made and Brett Lee was ready to come in again.

Once again,in the middle of his run-up,Santa found something disturbing in the sight screen.Indeed,this went on a few times before the irritated umpire,Steve
Bucknor walked up to the batsman and enquired,"Where do you want the sight screen, for God`s sake?"

Santa asked,with an ounce of fear,"Could I have it between Lee and me?"
 
No pun intended here:

> Detective Sardar!!
> A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were under
> training to become detectives.
> To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he
> shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
> "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
> The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch
> him fast because he
> only has one eye!"
> The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the
> picture I showed is his side profile."
> Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he
> flashes the picture for
> 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks his, "This is
> your suspect, how
> would you recognize him?"
> The second SARDAR smiles and says,
> "Ha! He'd be too easy to
> catch because he only has one ear!"
> The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter
> with you two?? Of course
> only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a
> picture of his side
> profile! Is that the best answer you can come up
> with?" Extremely
> frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the
> third SARDAR and in a
> very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how
> would you recognize him?
> He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid
> answer."
> The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment
> and says,"The suspect
> wears contact lenses."
> The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
> really doesn't know
> himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well,
> that's an interesting
> answer.
> Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
> I'll get back to you
> on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,
> checks the suspect's
> file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
> smile on his face.
> "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does
> in fact wear contact
> lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an
> acute observation?"
> "That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear
> regular glasses because
> he only has one eye and one ear."
 
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She
was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the
car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem
with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell
that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde.
"All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she
told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of
mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I
sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car
to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell
your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the
mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde
and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has
40,000 miles on it."
 
HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THIS!

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled "Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the money printed by the US Treasury.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represent s a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, known today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England,when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts, and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

AND FINALLY At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! If you fail then you better believe this whole email contains only truths! and stop licking !
 
Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the
captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have
lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were
somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an
emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that
all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the
swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all
the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's
request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The
captain once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the
swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and
quickly swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You For
Flying Lufthansa- ".




British Airways


"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to
welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the
Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,
you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little
yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your
captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a
recorded message."



Delta Airlines


At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding
announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address
system saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board
from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570
would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our
carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank you
for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
 
Originally posted by gambler
AND FINALLY At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! If you fail then you better believe this whole email contains only truths! and stop licking ! [/B]
Click to expand...

gambler: Did you do that before posting here?:D Just kidding..
whats_in_name: That was so funny..:p
 
Men are like..

Men are Like...

Men are like.....Floor tile.
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like.....Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

:D
 
A Man's World!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
--------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place
to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford
a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
-------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things"
that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about
to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with
"A man once told me..."
---------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
---------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-----------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
-----------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food
that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-----------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
-----------------------------------
In the beginning,
God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
----------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
---------------------------------------
Young Son:
"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad:
That happens in every country, son.
--------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
"Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
 
wow!!

Roran...I am really confused now............is it too much of free time you have or too much of energy?:rolleyes:
 
Re: wow!!

Originally posted by 485GCCase
Roran...I am really confused now............is it too much of free time you have or too much of energy?:rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Neither:D If one is a master of the Keyboard and internet, doesn't take more than 5 mts, if you know what i mean..:p
 
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