Spouse threatening - Need help

N

newtov8

Registered Users (C)
Hi all,

I am in a strange situation. I am trying to be short here. Due to some "***" reasons I had to withdraw my wife's 485 application. She and my son are staying back home. I came back to US, w/out their knowledge (now they know I have gone back to US), I have changed job, so she doesnt know where I am.

She still wants to come back and trying to do whatever she could do for that. They (she and her parents) are trying to screw me. She is saying that I have taken her & my son's passport (my son is US citizen). My parents got a call from somebody from (so called) US emabassy, asking for my son's passport. My parents have replied back saying they don't know and it is with her.

1) My question is since her 485 application is withdrawn, what could she do harm to me and my career.

2) Can she take advantage of my son to get into US.

3) Would INS believe on her passport story.

4) Any harm for my parents?

5) Any other thoughts you guys have for this situation...

We both don't want divorce yet (due to old 3 yr old), but I still can not live with her for few months to year till she change herself.

Please advice....

Thanks a lot.
Sam
 
I dont have an answer for your question but I do have a suggestion. Please post this in Vermont board. There are a lot of active participants and you will get more answers than you'll ever need.

P.S: Please keep in mind that once you post the question there you'll soon be left out of the discussion, and dont be surprised if the discussion turns out into something else, totally forgetting the original question. But nonetheless you'll definitely find a good answer for your question.

cmr
 
Dear newtov8



I think you are trying to use your I485 application, which you included your wife in the process, as a tool to control your wife. First of all, you have to let everything easy and let go for your child cause. Soon or later you and your kid need her as much as she needs you and I say it is for your family interest to keep her in your process since you do not want to get a divorce for some reason. Of course the US embassy will investigate and can halt your process until this problem is resolved.

Please do not use your I485 process or USA as your weapon to control someone’s life and some one you love before.

I have one question for you What change do you expect from your wife??????

Why don't you change and listen your heart not your family or your relatives says about your wife.

I was in same situation and I am doing what I told you to do for the sake of my kids.

Sorry for my comment
Regards,
 
My Opinion

Firstly you seem to have more than immigration problems, so perhaps you might like to seek professional advise.

I am not sure you can withdraw your wifes 1-485 application, because that belongs to her. You can probably revoke your affivadit of support though. You need a lawyer here to guide you. You should search under derivative petitions to see if what you want to do can be done without a divorce.

I do not believe your son would be helpful to either of you for immigration purposes until he is 21 and could sponsor a petition.

I don't think the passport thing is much of an issue as she can obtain a new passport from your home country without your permission and your son can get a replacement US passport, so whether or not you have the originals would not be all that important.

Can she mess up your life and career (perhaps you are already doing a good enough job on that), but yes, but it will have little to do with your i-485. Ditto for your parents.

I know I don't know anything about your situation, but I too have a young son (2 years old), and while you both may feel you have legitimate greivances against each other, don't because the person who is going to get hurt the most is your son. Going to war may feel like the only alternative and frankly I could not care less about the potential damage that you may do to each other, but your son is going to suffer the most from all of this. You have an obligation not to hurt him more that the break up of your marriage will inevitably do.

My advice

If she wants to live in the US, don't be a jerk, it is a big country and you will be closer to your son.

If you have her passport, give it back.

If you have run out, don't neglect to pay your child support.

If she is a bitch, then that is its own worst punnishment.

Be a man!
 
Nicely said wwossen

Hi newtov8,
I wanted to reply the mail but wwossen nicely expressed what I wanted to say. Please don't use your greencard against your wife. I just don't get it - how can you leave your wife and son at back home? Don't you have any feelings for your son? I really feel pity for you. I am really appaled by your mail.
 
I think you are making mistake.
I want to inform you there were some changes in immigration laws in order to provide more freedom and social asylum to former women in the USA.

You can concern with good lawyers and they tell you the detail. Your son is US citizen and you wise is/was on H4 visa, if you divorce your wife now, she will automatically become eligible for social asylum, and she will get GC very fast. If US authority find any evidence that you took your son's passport or you wife's passport without your wife's permission, you might get serious legal problem, and some one will be there to help your wife and son.

So I will agree with the opinion with "wwossen", and I believe this is the best solution for you, help your wife and son so they can help you in the future.

I am not a lawyer or immigration attorney, this is just my opinion.
 
You've got yourself into a big legal hastle buddy.

If you do have your wife and son's passports you're in a big trouble. It is illegal to hold anybody else's passport without his/her consent, both in India and US.

If you don't want interpol, US and Indian police chasing you for your life, immediately send their passports back, or help them find it out. It might be true that if it is not proved that you're in possession of their passports, you might not go to jail, but then you'll have to undergo a long legal battle to prove that you don't have their passports. Also, since it will be a criminal case you can almost forget about getting a GC.

So I would agree with the other guys who replied to this mail, get your wife and kid here (or let them decide what they want), and do not mess with the GC process. Once you get GC, go for divorce (you may try that even before getting GC). But don't mess with the legal system, it will take you nowhere but invite trouble for you.

I'm not a lawyer, its not a legal advise, just my opinion.
 
I agree with pcgccc and mtgc. Don't ruin your life and also your's son's future.

Just an advice.
 
Hey Newtov8

I fully agree with what Paul says…one should be a man and own his responsibility towards his kids …I can’t give you any legal advice on this but this for sure buddy…be considerate..and if you are from India …she can play havoc on your parents life..with courts and cops both now being suspicious of nri’s marrige…so please take your own time..and hopefully everything will work out fine…good luck..
 
Hi,

Many people here can give you advice and that may not be applicable to you bcos you r the one who is undergoing this pain.

I am in a similar situation now. Lesson learnt is 'you can not get anything done by force'. pls understand this.

Ok. coming to your issue,

1. Passport.
If you have their passport, return it. If you don't have, help them find out. If you have to reapply for passport for your son at US consulates, I think both father and mother should be present. Check it out.

2. Your career.
Legally she can not screw up your career. But bcos of your mental agony and tension, you may get screwed yourself.
If she comes here, then also you may face mental tortures bcos you two don't get along.

3. Divorce
In my opinion if divorce is not mutual consent it may take years and you have to appear in person for atleast 3 times. This is the case if it is india.

If I were you, this is what I would do.

1. Call / email them and tell them about your wheareabouts.

2. Ask her if she cares about your son. If so, ask her to be in your home country for some time, bcos a child will get mentally affected if it sees parents fighting. Even if you and your wife don't fight, still he can't get full love and attention from you and your wife bcos u two don't get along with each other.


If these things doesn't seem to work, I would go for divorce to avoid any legal problems. Divorce is a piece of paper which court gives. Later also you can live together and remarry if need be. Don't worry abt the society.

But I am sure you and your wife will have affection for each other. But this love is supressed by EGO. Separation is good for some problems sometimes.

Personal advice, if you have ego, just give it up. Think calm and find what you really need. your GC / career or your family. Take decision accordingly and don't regret later for whatever decision you chose.

Consult an attorney. He may charge couple of hundred dollars which I am sure you can afford. Don't bring family matters to public and get insulted. If you want to talk to me send me a private message.

All the best. My prayers for you and your family.

**** NOTE: Whatever I mentioned is my personal opinion only. It may not be applicable to you.
 
Reeducation Thread!!!

We need to set up a Reeducation Thread for the past jerks, the current nerds, and the future bxxtxxds who used/are using/will use Green Card as a weapon to control his/her spouse.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
There would be all kinds of responses to such issues when posted in a forum. Some may attempt to bash you up and some may attempt to bash up your wife. You might also get some objective responses.

The fact that you do not want to separate immediately due to your child tells me the problem between you and her is perhaps not worse enough to ignore your child completely. If this, in fact, is to leave at least some chances that you both may re-unite, ofcourse when she changes herself or whatever you wished, the revocation of her 485, even if that is just to teach her a lesson as perhaps you thought, would only make it worse. Because when you later decide to re-unite, ofcourse after she changed herself or whatever you wished, the family based preference that she would qualify for would perhaps take much longer to approve. This ofcourse does not suggest that the employment based petition would be approved that fast.

Things that I can think of,

- You can not withdraw 485 application for spouse if the primary,
your, application is employment based. You can block the
processing by keeping her away, if that works out, so that she
does not complete the necessary formalities like finger printing,
responding to RFEs etc. It is possible to withdraw the 485 for
dependent, not necessarily financially, spouse if the petition is
marriage based.
- Even if you divorce, I think, the petition would not be withdrawn.
Once 485 if filed, the applicant can live in the US until it is
adjudicated by BCIS. Ofcourse there may be re-entry issues if
her AP or H4 expires while she is away.
- Even your withdrawal of affidavit of support would have no use
at all as the applicant can get an EAD and legally work until the
application has been adjudicated.
- Social asylum for former US resident women applies only if there
is a case of domestic violence or abuse. Not necessarily if there
is merely a divorce for some differences.

Like others said it may not be difficult for her to come back to the US assuming she has valid H4 or AP and she manages to get passports re-issued. So, that hassel to her is only temporary if at all.

If she pursues legal option or seeks help from appropriate authorities, like the US Embassy that you mentioned, it would take barely a few days for authorities to track you unless you become a fugitive and abondon your green card yourself as well.

In summary, what you are pursuing is not worth it. It would be great if you both could work out your differences amicably. But I would not venture out to the extreme to sound like an idealist that are usually rare to find in practice, ignoring the public posture that some so called idealist would take which is for the public life of theirs.

My suggestions,
- If you are concerned about the kid, first option would be re-
unite amicably and then work out the details like who takes turn
to clean the toilets and who takes turn to do the dishes. Not
saying these are your issues but these are pretty common I
guess :)
- Second option would be to divorce amicably and shoulder your
responsibilities.

Any 3rd option is just disaster!!!
 
Jahanpanah...

I think your are pretty clear about your thoughts...great to hear..and hope you will act sensibly...My good wishes...
 
The passports are GOVT's property

What ever is your problem, DON't play with the passport. They are Goverment properties and can land you in serious legal troubles if somebody acuses you of taking it from them by stealing/deception.

disclaimer: I'm not a lawer. Don't take this as a legal advise.
 
NewTo

I agree with everybody on this forum. you could really get into a bunch of legal hassles and some would be connected to your green card processing. Sure if your wife feels that you are using some green card power trip to control her or "change" her (whatever you mean by that), she could create problems--and mess up your career. You don't want to play power games with green card.

I don't see how you can get away by "withdrawing" your spouse's application. This could come back to haunt you on grounds of spousal abuse. Also, confiscating passports is a federal offence and you can't simply confiscate anybody's passport--whether it's your wife's or your child's.

You need to hire a very competent immigrantion lawyer to "withdraw" the petition, but if the petition has already been made, the withdrawal would need your spouse's signature. The only way not to have her signature is to divorce. But you don't want a divorce--you just want to "teach" your wife a lesson by manipulating this green card thing--that is a terrible thing to do!

Why would you listen to your parents and family and relative--grow up man, listen to yourself--you know best about your life partner and your child!
 
Newto
If your parents are found guilty of aiding and abetting your efforts to intimidate and harrass your spouse on green card related grounds then a complain could be regsitered against them. This could pose a problem if they want to get a visitor's visa, or if they already have one, then it could create problems at POE.

I know of an incident where this happened. Somebody in India was helping forward his relative here in the US forward email that were intended to "threaten, blackmail and intimidate" the relative's spouse. A charge of the same ilk was filed against the person, and that charge will cuase a headache for the person whenever he wants to get a visa to come to the US.
 
HI

I have been watching this discussion, this is ridiculous in the sense that the original poster is not at all responding to your comments.

Don't you guys think that it is THE time to close this discussion here and move on with our arduous 485 journey.
 
The original poster could have been trying to pull a scam of some sort by asking ridiculous questions. But this thread did allow people to give interesting inputs on immigration related issues. Sometimes the original poster is irrelevant--as long as people can generate discussions it's enough in my opinion.
 
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