Preview of TGIF

Cool Definitions

ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.


BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.


CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it.


DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.


ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.


PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience


PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.


PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him "uncle".


PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.


STATISTICIAN: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.


LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.


DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.


NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn.


TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others.


INTERVIEW: That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs.


ETERNITY: Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her in her house.


HARDWARE: The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.


IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry.


INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".


QUANTUM PHYSICS: A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat which isn't there.
 
Why Women Talk so Much

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.

He showed her a study that reported that men use an average of 15,000 words a day, but women use 30,000 words a day.

The wife promply told him that women use twice as many words because they have to repeat everything they say to men.

Looking stunned, the husband said, "What?"

"Women use twice as many words because they have to repeat everything they say to men!"
 
Bond faints!!!!

Once it so happened in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a
Indian guy. Both were traveling to US.
Indian Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "I am Bond...James Bond."
James Bond: "and you?"


Indian Guy:
"I am Sai...
Venkata Sai...
Siva Venkata Sai ...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata
Sai...
Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana
Siva
Venkata Sai..."

Bond faints!!!!

( No offence meant to anybody .)
 
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman,
you must love her a lot and not try understand her at all.



MEMORY


Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.



APPEARANCE


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 
Confession

A beautiful blonde goes to church for confession

Blonde: Father I need to make a confession, I called my boyfriend Bastard.

Priest(Bit surprised). Why my child, why did you call him?

Blonde: Father, he first touched my hand

Priest: Holds her hand, like this my child. So what

Blonde: Father then he took me to his apartment.

Priest determined to find the cause of her abuse, takes her to his apt
Like this, so what

Blonde: Then he kissed me

Priest kisses her like this so what

Blonde: He removed his clothes and mine.

Priest, a bit hesitant, but he does the same, strips off her clothes and his
Like this so what

Blonde: He made love to me

Priest also makes love, and tiredly says like this SO What

Blonde: He then tells me he's got AIDS

Priest : Bastard
:)
 
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a
miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't
help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do
any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a
hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get
pneumonia."

"I know," said his physician. "But I can cure pneumonia."
 
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