patienceGC
- Thread starter july16
- Start date
Two Nuns & A Stalker
Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical(SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM.: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived.
Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down!
(And you thought it would be dirty! Say two Hail Mary's...)
Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical(SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM.: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived.
Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down!
(And you thought it would be dirty! Say two Hail Mary's...)
Economics ??
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy
new president of the United States, leaving you with
nine cows. No balance
sheet provided with the release. The public buys your
bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other
to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows, open another bottle of vodka,
and instead decide to focus on how many apples you are
holding in your hands.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for
storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy
new president of the United States, leaving you with
nine cows. No balance
sheet provided with the release. The public buys your
bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other
to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them
worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows, open another bottle of vodka,
and instead decide to focus on how many apples you are
holding in your hands.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for
storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
Ramayana by American Born Indian dude 
How does an American Born Indian explain to his younger brother the topic -
'Ramayana'. This is how he goes about it...
So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked
him.But,like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a bi-tch, and she forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or reserve or somethin'.Since he was going, for like, somethin' like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his
bro along. You know... so that they could all chill out together. But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts,bows and arrows, so it was fine.
But then some bad gansta' boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were our man,and his bro Lakshman, pissed! And you don't piss this son-of-a-gunz 'coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him. So anyways, you don't mess with gods.
So, Ram and his bro get an army of monkeys. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys, just go along with me, OK. So, Ram, Lakhs, and their monkeys whip this gansta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by now, their time's up in the forest and anyways, it gets kinda boring. You know no TVs or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch back home.
His bro and the wife are back home. People thought, well, you
know,atleast they deserve somethin' nice and they didn't have any bars and clubs in those days. So they couldn't take them out for a drink, so the people decided to smoke or shit. And they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps too.
So it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks
really,they had some local band play along with the fireworks, and you know what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding, that was the very first musical-synchronized fireworks. You know, like the 4th of the July stuff, but just more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was Ramayana maaaan.
Cool!!! Maaan.
How does an American Born Indian explain to his younger brother the topic -
'Ramayana'. This is how he goes about it...
So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked
him.But,like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a bi-tch, and she forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or reserve or somethin'.Since he was going, for like, somethin' like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his
bro along. You know... so that they could all chill out together. But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts,bows and arrows, so it was fine.
But then some bad gansta' boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were our man,and his bro Lakshman, pissed! And you don't piss this son-of-a-gunz 'coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him. So anyways, you don't mess with gods.
So, Ram and his bro get an army of monkeys. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys, just go along with me, OK. So, Ram, Lakhs, and their monkeys whip this gansta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by now, their time's up in the forest and anyways, it gets kinda boring. You know no TVs or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch back home.
His bro and the wife are back home. People thought, well, you
know,atleast they deserve somethin' nice and they didn't have any bars and clubs in those days. So they couldn't take them out for a drink, so the people decided to smoke or shit. And they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps too.
So it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks
really,they had some local band play along with the fireworks, and you know what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding, that was the very first musical-synchronized fireworks. You know, like the 4th of the July stuff, but just more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was Ramayana maaaan.
Cool!!! Maaan.
phoaupkari
Registered Users (C)
A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street.
"Hey, Buddy,can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.
"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."
The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly.
While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.
"Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf."
"Hey, Buddy,can you spare two dollars?"
The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?"
"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.
"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man.
"Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."
The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly.
While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.
"Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf."