INS Humor

Silly Man

Silly Man

Volunteer moderator
Well well well, since we all hate INS's guts, it'd be cool to poke some fun at it. (I thought). And the subject aptly puts "INS Humor", so lets use this thread to poke fun at the INS. HOW ABOUT THAT? AHA !!! :) :) :)

BTW, if any of these jokes or jokes in general or anything at all including my non-existent third year offends you, don't read 'em.
 
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Q:How do you starve an INS officer?
A: Put food stamps at his workplace.

Q: Whats the difference between bigfoot and a hardworking INS officer?
A: Bigfoot's been spotted.

Nasa finally finds out what went so wrong with the columbia. They were trying to hit Laguna Niguel, but missed. :D
 
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George Bush, decided to make a surprise tour of CSC. Walking through the piles of files he noticed an old frustrated man lazily leaning against a forklift. Bush angrily said, "Just how much are you being paid?"

The old frustrated man replied, "A hundred dollars a week."

Bush pulled out his wallet, peeled off five $20 bills and shouted at the old frustrated man: "Here is a week's pay. Now get out and don't come back!"

Without a word, the old frustrated man stuffed the money into his pocket and left.

Tom Ridge, standing nearby, stared in amazement. "Tell me," Bush asked, "How long has that guy worked for us?"

"He didn't work here," replied Ridge, "He was just the Fed-Ex guy delivering an unfortunate applicant's I-485 application."
 
AILA's meeting on fee reversals.

With INS not approving cases AILA had a meeting with INS to get updates.

Q1) Sir is it true that the fees are reversed back to original levels.

YES thank the president(needs those extra bucks to negotiate Turkey bases) he did reinstate it.

Q2) Sir we dont see much progress in approvals of Employement based(EB) 485s

YES see we have diverted our staff to TPS EL Salvador 765 processing so we will see to it after that.

Q3) Sir why EB 485's are not a high proirity ?

Look these guys pay their taxes and are already legal in this country, But with other cases they work and dont pay taxes if they are not legal so with the extra bucks for our DEAR president for war we need more people to pay taxes so make illegal immigrants legal first.

Q4) When can we expect the refund checks.

We do not know how to interpret the change, look at AC21 its been years but no clear guidelines. So we are waiting for clear guidelines for this. Once we have clear guidelines we will invite biddings from contractors(hopefully this time they dont shred) for this job, once they are selected, we need to upgrade the systems to handle it, for which we will invite biddings again, so its like a infinite loop.

The most important thing reg this all resources with INS will undergo training on how to get it done along side of contractors, after training you know there is a learning curve. So never mind we will follow the procedure and let u know as and when appropriate.

Q5) So will these applications which have check pending to be returned processed at normal pace.

I told you no clear guidelines, we are waiting for guidelines from above so wait and see.

Q6) How has moving dept to DHS make any change for INS.

Pretty good.
Oh yes we have ordered a lot of DUCT TAPE and plastic sheets, did you know we will undergo training on how to seal the doors and windows this is a big morale boost to our employees since they had hard time to figure out how to seal their homes now with this training and (STEAL SOME TAPE and PLASTIC) they are very well motivated.



 
Yes from the day it gets picked up by an intelligent IIO!

/****
According to INS guidelines Your 485 case will be decided with in the time frame of 6 months.

**/
Yes from the day it gets picked up by an intelligent IIO!
 
My real funny story

Called IIO last Friday. Asking about status of my 485.

Me: Did you know how long it might take?

IIO: Your case was submitted in Sept 2001 and we are now processing Nov 2001 cases. So your case should be processed in 2 months.

Me: Okay.. Thank you very much.

IIO: You are welcome.
 
guys its pure math.

When I called them mine is Dec 2001, they are currently processing Nov 2001 cases. So mine should be processed in a month.

Your case was submitted in Sept 2001 and we are now processing Nov 2001 cases. So your case should be processed in 2 months

they just substract the differnce of months from JIT does't matter which direction and give you a time frame.

So hey the good news is they know some addition and substraction.

:) :( :o :D
 
I think IIO was 101% right he never siad that two months from now, he said "two months", so its upto them when they will start their clock to count two months.
It is us who are assuming that two months are starting from today.
 
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