Husband & Wife

E

exit45

New Member
In the past months, I have seen many postings here which are not related to immigration and many of us got great information/help from those postings.
I wasn't sure whether I should post this or not, but I said what the heck!

Friends,
Many of us are married and spouse is also working jointly in US.
I am also in the same category. We are living in 21 century and we treat everybody equally. Here is my question.

When you run your house, do you share your common expenses? Or just husband share all the expenses and wife just saves her entire salary. What is morally right?

You may find this thread funny or offensive as it is directly related to personal info. But I really like to know everybody's thoughts on this. I would also appreciate posts from female users.

You don't need to tell your personal info if you don't want to, but you can contribute on the moral part.
 
Its all upto you couple

Hey, Funny Moral Question. But here are my Thoughts

All depends on the degree of planning and understanding beween wife & Husband.

Finally the aim is to save money be it from husband's income or wife's income. Savings Together for the family ( ie., both wife,husband and kids..) unless there is an insecure feeling which leads to individual savings maintained secretly.
 
I am a girl and I feel that if there is understanding it doesn't matter who is spending and who is saving when it goes to a joint account. well, a separate account also should not matter if there is trust.

Sometimes I feel its a guy's ego that he feels that he should be spending and sometimes its a girl attitude of dependency that she feels that a guy should spend and a girl should save. iA successful marriage is the one where husband and wife can interchange their role as the need arises.

I liked your question!
 
Quite interesting debate,
As an indian i dont think it matters at all that who is spending and who's saving. In my case if i spend out of my pocket it means that my wife is also spending and if she is saving that means that i am also saving. Probabaly we never think about seperation. I think this question more relates to western culture, where separation is always a possibility. One of my american girl friend who is married, told me once that she has promised her husband that she wont think about divorce atleast in first 5 yrs of their marriage, and vice versa. Now the question of spending and saving comes in their situation.
 
Samething..

It never matters on who saves or who spends. So, spend less time on money calculations and more time with family and relations. Especially, with spouse, it should not matter and that is why it is called a "family". Otherwise, personally, I don't prefer to marry - if it is not for a family.

If your spouse is behaving otherwise, he/she needs some serious advise. There is no point in fighting with him/her, just show them examples from your friends, on how they conduct themselvels in the society and try to change thier personality slowly.

Joint accounts save some time in figuring out the balances in one review. Otherwise you have to check all your accounts to figure out the net worth. ( Microsoft Money and Yodlee provide one stop services). Also, in case of emergency, the other partner will have access to money, without going through legal matters with the bank officials.

Money is for use when it is needed. It should neither be thrown away nor be locked up in a safe. It should not make your life worse, it should make it better. Also, it is part of life - it is never life.
 
Sharing

My input is this: Sharing is ultimate. I agree with many of the postings which states, it doesn't matter who is spending. Initially when my husband comes, I will be maintaining the household and personal expenses. My husband and I have discussed this and we simply plan on sharing everything. I also strongly agree with the post which mentioned "western culture" and how spending is looked upon in marriage.

Thanks for your thread.

Sincerely,
Fatmah Louise:)
 
If the wife and husband don't believe in themselves and the relationship then maybe u can follow one of the american methods,

Husb and wife both have separate bank accounts and they share the household expenses. This form of sharing is moslty done while dating/livin-relationship but also followed later on by some families.
 
exit45

I do not want you to be a victim of some immoral act. That is why am posting my opinion.

If my wife were to save all her income and if I have to spend all of my income, I would definitely start doubting her intensions. What if she divorces me or elopes with someone ? In that case, I will propose her to spend or to share. I will not bend in this matter.
(Fortunately, my wife is not like that though :) )

AFter some time, you should not be left alone dry. Ok. Anyway, just be careful about yourself. There is nothing wrong in being selfish.

I am not telling you to behave immorally, but I am just suggesting you to be careful and be assertive. If "goodness" is understood as "weakness" - then there is nothing wrong in being a "little" mean. That way others will realize the venegarity of being "mean".
 
Share with caution

I am not from India. However, this is my view:

Sharing is nice and good. But you don't have to mix together everything and anything just to prove your intent to forever stay together.

I plan to always stay with my wife 100%. But we have separate accounts for everything. Reasons:

1) It becomes much easier to track who earned how much, and who spent how much. If I did too much shopping, I can directly control myself because I know how much shopping I did vs. how much my wife did.
2) It definitely helps my wife to build credit history, bank history, loan history, auto ownership history etc. when she has her own accounts as if she were a separate person. Then when needed we will be able to join our financial (and borrowing) powers.
3) My wife is planning to start a business so it will help again with credit ratings, and probably this has some tax advantages too.

Keeping the monies separate should not be a problem if your "intent" is to share, right? You can always give each other money even if it's not in the joint account..

Another thing is that I think my wife feels much more that her contributions are valued when they are clearly separated, instead of feeling like she's just "eating what's on the table"
 
Well Said DryIce,
Very interesting debate. Don't have much to add as I am new to this game (recently married). Personally, I feel to have a joint account in all banks I have whether or not my wife starts earning. Share good or bad credit together.

In my opinion, having joint bank accounts and having seperate credit accounts will still be OK when it comes to improving spouse's credit history etc.

More than anything the comfort in the relationship remains good and managing money can be a mutual decision or whoever knows better...
 
Can't belive some of you guys have no clue how it works.

It really doesn't matter who save, it's always 50/50 upon divorce, unless agreed otherwise. Of course, for most Americans, it's how to split the debts :D
 
For marital bliss and solid credit history

1. Create joint bank account - have both names in chequebook.
Each of you with an ATM card.
2. Help your spouse build a credit history - create a joint credit card account. Also have half the utilities billed to self and half to spouse. Pretty quickly spouse will have a shiny new platinum card - the key to financial independence in modern America.
3. DO NOT nag spouse on credit card bills. Make decisions on big ticket items together. DO NOT scrutinize spouse's credit card bills (discretely check online if possible ;) ).
4. No point keeping savings separate. In case of divorce all assets will be scrutinized and split 50/50. Even Swiss bank accounts.
 
Interesting

I'm a girl and I spent all my salary on paying household/credit etc.. My husbands money is the savings. He uses his own credit card and i do mine, so building history is not a problem, but all the paying goes from my account.. His savings goes to his personal bank.. Also I have a complete access to his bank account.. So no worry.. But I trust him..
 
I think in this matter Indians need not try to ape the West.
What we follow in terms of "family trusts" is a very good aspect.
It is better not to think on these lines. We Indians are far better in family relationship than many westeners.

Ours is,


One account - for both's Direct Deposits and money for Mortgage goes from it
One Credit account - both uses it for House hold maintenance

To build other(spouse )'s credit rate - Use a separate one to buy things like Gadgets
 
Me and my wife both came on F-1 initially, maintained seperate accounts BEFORE we got married, built our own credit histories. After we got married, we made everything joint. We don't even think about who's spending what-it's OUR money that we are spending(I make her write checks though coz I hate to write checks:) ) We don't chastize each other for spending money as long as it is within the limits(I end up being on the receiving end since I always want to get the latest and greatest of everything :) )

All in all, we are quite happy with our arrangement and never have money related issues.
 
hmmm...what can I say?

My husband manages everything. It is easy for me not to think about the finances. Even though I carry a bunch of credit cards I rarely do shopping without my husband. I actually hate shopping. Our A/Cs are joint. Whenever I write checks, I make a note of it in the last page. My husband reviews everything and manages using Microsoft money.
Sometimes, I do not even know, how much I carry in my wallet.:) I use it only for buying from vending m/c's which is also very rare.:D
As long as there is gas in my car I am fine with going anywhere.:) Even for gas I have exxon easy pay. So, no direct use of credit card.

Seriously, I think it all depends on the individual when managing expenses at home. I know some of my friends who have their own a/c's, spend like anything. If a person has been like that(very independent) right from the beginning, it is difficult to change. Some may even complain at their spouses if the husband/wife asks for accounts( which even I do).
It is always better to come to an agreement(whichever works out better) between husband and wife.
 
My ex-husband (Indian) would not even lend me his ATM card whereas my boyfriend (White American) and I have one joint account. It depends on how deep the relationship is. It is not a question of nationality or culture.
 
Here is a twist!

Get more bang for the buck!

Assuming that all is well, my suggestion would be to maximize your savings, earnings, minimize risks with the money and gain tax benefits (though married, sometimes filing seperately might result in lesser taxes than filing jointly). Hence, find smarter ways where you gain better mileage for your money in the long run instead of just opening "joint accounts". In the earlier years, you might have savings < 100K and it is not a big deal. As time goes by, when the amounts balloon, try possible scenarios which lessens the risk. As for basic insurance for money in banks (even US banks go bust), read the last part of this artilce, http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/bank/20030103c.asp .

Say if you had 400K in one joint account and the bank went belly up, you are FDIC insured for 200K and will mostly lose the remaining 200K. If each had an individual account (100K each) and also a joint account (remaining 200K), you would be insured for 400K and lose nothing. Think about it.

One or both of you can manage finances but manage it wisely. At the same time, it would also be prudent to build up credit history for both.
 
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