FUN time

st8

Registered Users (C)
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000."
The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…"
 
Computer Eng...

A hard-working, ambitious yuppie (computer engineer) finally decided to take a vacation.
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life . . . at least for awhile.
Suddenly a hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship foundered and sank almost instantly.
The man came to on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing.
Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 4-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do.
So for the next 4 months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life,
and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye.
All of a sudden a row-boat appeared, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.
She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there?
You were really lucky to have a row-boat wash up with you." "It's only me," she said,
"and the row-boat didn't wash up, nothing did." He was confused,
"Then how did you get the row-boat?" "Oh, simple." replied the woman,
"I made the row-boat out of raw materials that I found on the island. The oars I whittled from Gum tree branches,
I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern I made from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But - but, that's impossible," stuttered the man, "you had no tools or hardware.
How did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?" Sheepishly he confessed that he had been sleeping on the
beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the
boat at a small wharf. As the man looked around him, he nearly fell out of the boat.
Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the
row-boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the
house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like a drink?"
"No, no thank you" he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied.
"I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down
on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.
" No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, he found a razor made from a
bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he mused, "what next?" When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but tropical vines
and flowers-strategically placed-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You
know . . . " She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing: "You mean . . . ?", he replied,
"I can check my e-mail from here?"
 
Windows in Hindi

Khidkiyan

Aise Bachao = Save as
Bachao = Save
Badli Karo = Replace
Bandh Karo = Close
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Chipkao = Paste
Chooha = mouse
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Dhoondo = Find
Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Goli Maaro = Delete
Hathiyaar = Tools
Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
Hilao = Move
Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Kato = Stupid Houseguest
Khatara = Old
Kholo = Open
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Naya = New
Nazaara = View
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Ped = Tree
Phaail = File
Subko Bachao = Save All
Thooso = Compress
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
 
Re: Computer Eng...

Originally posted by Damn-GC
A hard-working, ambitious yuppie (computer engineer) finally decided to take a vacation.
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life . . . at least for awhile.
Suddenly a hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship foundered and sank almost instantly.
The man came to on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing.
Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 4-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do.
So for the next 4 months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life,
and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye.
All of a sudden a row-boat appeared, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.
She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there?
You were really lucky to have a row-boat wash up with you." "It's only me," she said,
"and the row-boat didn't wash up, nothing did." He was confused,
"Then how did you get the row-boat?" "Oh, simple." replied the woman,
"I made the row-boat out of raw materials that I found on the island. The oars I whittled from Gum tree branches,
I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern I made from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But - but, that's impossible," stuttered the man, "you had no tools or hardware.
How did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the island there is a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?" Sheepishly he confessed that he had been sleeping on the
beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the
boat at a small wharf. As the man looked around him, he nearly fell out of the boat.
Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the
row-boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the
house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like a drink?"
"No, no thank you" he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied.
"I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down
on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.
" No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, he found a razor made from a
bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he mused, "what next?" When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but tropical vines
and flowers-strategically placed-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You
know . . . " She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing: "You mean . . . ?", he replied,
"I can check my e-mail from here?"
It should be "You mean, I can check www.immigrationportal.com from here?"
 
Damn_GC,


Nice one.


The Yuppie must have taken the cruise break from the GC wait and that's why eager to check lawyer's email.

:D :cool: :D :D

Damn the GC.............
It can even make one blind of the beauty and the "flowers" :p :p
 
What if India & US switch

Here are a few things that could happen:

1. Rani Yadav, a housewife from Bihar sues PM for 1 Crore Rupees for sexually molesting her. She alleges that during his election campaign in Punjab he made overtures and advances of indecent nature - he kept saying "Hame karna hai!" Reports say she is open to an out of the court settlement.
2. A B Patel says India should reduce the number of visas issued to 'aliens'. Demands cut in the number of American engineers being admitted into the country says the whites ('Caucasian-Indians') are 'stealing' away the local jobs.
3. Sports: Bombay 'Bombers' beat Madras 'Sambars' 3 - 0 in a 5 game cricket tournament. Sachin Tendulkar says he wont be playing for Bombers from next season, as the Bihar 'Lalloos' have offered him 50 lakh more to play for them.
4. Tonight on Zee TV: Kabaddi world series live! over 4 countries from around the world participating in his fast-becoming popular sport. Last time - runner ups Germany looking to beat current champions Bangladesh. (as usual, India is nowhere in the picture!)
5. Fringe: Woman sues fast food restaurant chain TFC (Tandoori Fried Chicken) because the 'Chai' served to her was so hot that she burnt her lips.
6. Techno: Shiv Nadar says his company's 'Khidkiyan 2000' operating system could become the de facto standard, beating Microsoft's Windows operating system, since it is a copy of a more advanced Macintosh OS.
7. India deports 250 'American - Indian' illegal aliens after they are found working in a saree manufacturing sweat shop in Dharavi.
8. Hurricane "Bawandar" expected to lash the Andhra coast around 1300 hrs IDT. Watch minute by minute progress live on Doordarshan.
9. Amidst much controversy the Desi Gay Activists open a gay bar in calcutta called "Bar-Bar"
10. San Francisco: Protesters demanded the shut down of fast food chain 'Udupi' which was becoming immensely popular with the younger generation. "Its not just the food" says Martha Smith, a housewife, "its the lifestyle that our children adopt with it - wearing lungis, listening to Karnatic music, lighting lamps and firecrackers on Halloween!".

And also the Indo-US joint ventures.
----------------------------------------------
10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.
9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.
8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named, "KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN" and will be headquartered at Bangalore.
7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters: Kanpur.
6. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named: "McDosalu". Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.
5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr. SUBRAMANI", to be headquartered at Madras.
4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable (hence environmentally friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US.
3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's COW-BHAIS, to teach Indians how to play Football.... with hands.
2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.
1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".
 
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Management Lessons

A few management lessons to remember as you move along the corporate ladder:
> > >
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson 1
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him" Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day? The crow answered: "Sure, why not." so the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson Learned:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesson 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree." sighed the turkey, "but I haven't
got the energy." "Well why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They are packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at the lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of
the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by the farmer, who shot the turkeyout of the tree.

Management Lesson Learned:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the catdiscovered the bird under the pile of dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.

Management Lesson Learned:
1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend.
3. And when you're deep in shit, keep your mouth shut.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
And Finally, Lesson 4

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a
shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, what a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So both rode the donkey! Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put a load on the poor donkey. The boy and the man said they were probably right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they
crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

Management Lesson learned:
If you try to please everyone, you will eventuallylose your ass.
 
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