"It was reported in the undergound immigration press that religious workers were on the verge of losing patience with BCIS's long delays and contemplating indulging in expeletives unbecoming of their 'religious' moniker.
In an effort to prevent such sacrilege, the BCIS has been urged to make available priority processing for this category, forthwith.
When asked, 'What about the unwashed multitude of employment based filers?', a BCIS spokeperson unveiled a radical new strategy to clear the backlog: 'Our strategy is to completely eliminate the backlog in this category by slowing down approvals till all filers become umemployed and/or umemployable. We believe this will eliminate the category altogether, thereby bringing the backlog down to zero.'
It is rumored that the White House is considering the congressional medal of honor as a befitting award for the author of this excellent scheme. America is a land of immigrants, and we will continue to lead the world in finding innovative ways to welcome more immigrants to this country, said a White House spokesperson, who declined to be named."