Argument with wife and Affect on Green Card.

G

GcardHelp

Registered Users (C)
I have got my 485 approval last week and am going for stamping next week. I had a major argument with my wife this weekend and we were on the verge of divorce. Yesterday, my wife decided to leave me and go to her friend's place. I had some immigration related documents at work (like passport etc) and she went to the local police station complaining about that. She told the cops a false story that I threatened her and other stuff. She gave them my work number and I got a call from the Officer.

I immediately clarified to the officer and also told him that my wife is welcome to have those documents anytime. I had just taken them to make some copies. He told me if I could drop them off in local police station. I said YES I could. So in 15 minutes I went to the police station and dropped them to my wife.

Then there were some more docs needed by my wife so I requested the officer to come to our apartment and then I will give those docs to her in his presence. The officer was just wanting to make sure that the document's were handed over to my wife. I told the officer about the things my wife does. She takes advantage of being a woman and always threatens to call cops on me if we have any sort of argument which does not go her way. I have been facing this harassment for 3 yrs. I told him that I felt more comfortable with him being there so there is proof. I did not get arrested or recieve any warning at all.

He said that all remaing property split can be discussed in court with our respective attorneys. Then I left back to work after shaking the officer's hand. My wife also went to her friend's home.

Now we have patched up and she is back. Could this affect my background history in any way. Is this considered any type of criminal offense. My wife says that she did not file any sort of written complaint at all. She said everything discussed with the officer was just verbal and she just wanted her documents back. She had told the police that we had a fight and she is leaving. The officer asked her if there was any physical/verbal assault and she said NO there was not. (Although I am not sure if i can totally believe her on this )

I have a trip coming up to India and want to be sure that they will not deport me. I am really worried. Is there a way to verify that my record is clean even though I never got arrested at all.

Gurus: Please help me on this.

Thanks in advance !!
 
Deportation is the least of your worries. IMO, you need the advise of a marriage counsler/divorce attorney more than from a immigration lawyer.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
In any case, both of you keep yourself calm, and do not loose temper at least until you get your passports stampped. Even before you consult a divorce attorney, talk to your parents (both sides), they would be the best counsel. Try to adjust and understand each other.
Getting a divorce is easy..., trying to understand each other is difficult...,
If divorce is the only solution for every argument between wife and husband..., 90% of the couples would divorce....
Anyway..., decision is between you both...,
 
If whatever you say is true, the good w(b)itch..pardon my language..is just harassing you. I cannot agree to either husbands abusing wives or wives harassing husbands.....Getting families and parents involved may or may not be a good idea.. Parents being from a place far removed from the western world and far removed from the present generation may or may not understand your and your wife's point of views that may be modern. However some parents are real great and can offer great solutions.. So this all depends on how diplomatic, cool, analytical and paragmatic your respective parents are. Some parents just make this whole matter worse! Some offer gems of advice!
Talk to your wife's friend and find out what is it that your wife really wants!Getting a good marraige counselar maybe a good idea. If counseling does not work, get an informal seperation. If informal seperation for a weeks does not heal the wound, get a formal seperation and then go for the divorce...
Anyways, sorry for not giving immigration related advice.
I think you should talk to an immigration lawyer and discuss a possible situation that could arise in your absence. Hence if such a situation arises he could file some sort of motion that will allow you into the country. Remember that deportation can only occur if you are found guilty and for that you have to be present to fight the case.
 
Similar Case

GCARDHELP,

Your story is touching. I have been married for 2 1/2 years (arranged) and still not been able to adjust to my wife. It seems like the concept of sanity is out of question with women because we fight over something and the same issue reappears a week later. My wife is not very friendly with my parents and does not seem to value the Indian traditions. That frustrates me because I was assuming with Indian marriage that a given.

In your case - If you can live without your wife, then better to live your life happy then misearable.
 
All I can say is...

All I can say is, take it easy and give it more time. In most of my friends' cases, I have seen, it will be OK after the first 5 years. You need that initial friction to make sure the parts all work together smoothely later. Don't make it the center of universe. If there is anything which works well without a focus, this is it.

I can't believe, I am giving marriage advice :)

Good luck with marriages! ohh yes, also GC!
SK...
 
peace_of_mind said:
Youu did not mention about your wife Status...is she a citizen of US???
Click to expand...

No. She got her Green Card approval alongwith with me. It was Employment Based filed and I am the primary.
 
ibcd92 said:
GCARDHELP,

Your story is touching. I have been married for 2 1/2 years (arranged) and still not been able to adjust to my wife. It seems like the concept of sanity is out of question with women because we fight over something and the same issue reappears a week later. My wife is not very friendly with my parents and does not seem to value the Indian traditions. That frustrates me because I was assuming with Indian marriage that a given.

In your case - If you can live without your wife, then better to live your life happy then misearable.
Click to expand...

It is the same story in my case. She is quite rude towards my parents. So far I have not considered leaving her and have no ideas about the implications. We will be married for almost 5 years soon so it is quite painful. Thankfully we dont have any kids. However I did notice that my wife has become a lot more bolder after the Green Card approval. Maybe her relatives have told her that she will no longer be dependant on me.

But I have already explained to her that I wish her well. I would have made sure that she gets GC with me since it is legally and morally her right also. Even before the GC we had these arguments in which she used to threaten me that she would call cops. I thought it will get over after it but it has become even worse now.
 
GcardHelp,

Sorry to hear your story. I am not sure how many years you have married, I married with my wife for 10 years. After we married only for a year, I came to US, she joined me a year later, during the first 4 years in here, we usually fight each other almost every month, if we are not fight after one month, both feel like we need to fight. I felt very depressed during that time, thought it's better to divorce other than fight/hurt each other. But after I discussed with my parents, friends, I found every family had the same issue, wife and husband usually argue with each other, the important thing is communication between both of you, each of you should listen to the other's thoughts/opinion, also if you are not happy or not satisfied with your spouse, you need to speak out, but trying to calm down and speak it out in a peace way, trying to find the way to speak and your spouse are willing to accept it. Don't blame each other easily, before blame the other, trying to find if yourself did correct or not, switch your position with your spouse and think what you could do if you were your spouse. I tried this method, and now my wife and I loved each very deeply, we are not fighting each other any more, just more communications.

You might try my suggestion for a while, after that if you don't think you love you wife or your wife love you any more, then you might think divorce.
 
I don't see any problem

I don't think the cop will file charges against you. You should be fine.

Everybody has problems in marriage. It takes few years for people to get used to each other.
My advice is... let your wife win all the arguments. Just tell your opinion and Let her make all the wrong decisions.... In time, she will realize that and will start to listen to you.

Keep her busy.. send her to some job or some volentary work. If she is busy with work, I don't think you will have this problem.
 
ibcd92 and GcardHelp,
Most of the fights arise when husbands try to help his sibilings or parents. I have seen this in 80% of the married couples in the first 5 years of marriage. Remember..., most of us are got married at the age of 25 or more..., so even the girl would be around 25 yrs.., they would have their own opinions, posssesiveness..., and what not..., also it depends on what background she came from...
If the girls mother did not respect her mother-in-law..., she would pick up the same too..., OR if her father helped his sibilings too much...., the girl would have made up her mind against helping... anything could be a reason..., try to talk to her...,
Divorce is not the soulution..., understanding each other is the only solution..., Life is more misarable after divorce....
 
Hi GCardHelp,

I am really very sorry to hear your story. Marriage is difficult. It takes time (I do not know how many year thougth!) to adjust to this new life.

When we come to the age where we take our own decisions, we are already 20+, living with (or listening to ) our parents most of the times, still we have some disagreements with our parents. So, after marriage, this totally new person will of course disagree with you. She will have different opinions about the same thing.
So, some times, just ignore small small things that person do. If she likes to do few things in certain way, let her have that freedom to do it by herself.

I hope, you both will have postitive attitude towards each other. And let me tell you one thing that it is really worth trying. Find a job or voluntary work for her. That will keep her busy. Girls are emotional creatures. Sometimes, they get confused about what is expected from them after marriage, they don't know what they should do. And all that frustration is dumped on to husband as he is the only one near. Girls do not get whole network support of parents, in-laws & friends like in India. So, it becomes more and more difficult. May be invite her parents for couple of months.

Tell her that you love her. If something is important, suggest her few things, tell her calmly, understand her thoughts. I know, it is easier to say than done. But there is no way out. Communication is the key. And that to when you both are calm.

Best of Luck to both of you! & I hope everythign will work out well.

Mugdha.
 
I read this post and could not help but respond. In the post I noticed you have asked the question if the argument will have any effect on your approved GC. I also noticed that very few responed to this question, and even those who did only wrote a line or two. The majority have chosen to concentrate on your marriage and how to manage it.

Well, I will folow the lot and say that a) This should have no effect on your approved GC. You do not have to worry about being deported, because even if you were charged (which you were not, in the first place) you were not proven guilty in a court of law. I am sure domestic situations are very commen among all groups, so this will not cause any problems in your status. Not until you commit a serious crime (physical abuse and more) should this be a issue, so make sure the situation never escalates to that.

Coming to part b) your married life, so let me tell you one thing. I have been married for almost 5 years and I have faced the same situation as so many here have pointed out. Bottomline is everyone has fights in their married life. A married life without a fight is like food without any spice ! :) The main thing is to make sure the spice does not become so strong that it causes you heartburn, or other ailment !

All the best to you and all married people !!
 
sertra2002 said:
I read this post and could not help but respond. In the post I noticed you have asked the question if the argument will have any effect on your approved GC. I also noticed that very few responed to this question, and even those who did only wrote a line or two. The majority have chosen to concentrate on your marriage and how to manage it.

Well, I will folow the lot and say that a) This should have no effect on your approved GC. You do not have to worry about being deported, because even if you were charged (which you were not, in the first place) you were not proven guilty in a court of law. I am sure domestic situations are very commen among all groups, so this will not cause any problems in your status. Not until you commit a serious crime (physical abuse and more) should this be a issue, so make sure the situation never escalates to that.

Coming to part b) your married life, so let me tell you one thing. I have been married for almost 5 years and I have faced the same situation as so many here have pointed out. Bottomline is everyone has fights in their married life. A married life without a fight is like food without any spice ! :) The main thing is to make sure the spice does not become so strong that it causes you heartburn, or other ailment !

All the best to you and all married people !!
Click to expand...

Thanks to all of you for responding !! I am actually planning to go to Canada for a short trip after passport stamping next weekend. Hopefully it will be ok when I re enter back to US. That way we can go to India later on with peace of mind. I have done a quite a lot of research and I think my Green Card will not be jeopardized in any way since no charges were filed. The cops may have logged that incident but that is just normal (same way like they log a ticket). I will however go to the local police station to get a Police Clearance report just for my peace of mind. I think they provide it to anyone requesting that.

Regarding the issue with my wife, well things are ok for right now. I am still recovering from the shock and once I get this behind me, I will sit and assess my marriage to see what should be done. Since we are both getting over this, and also working fulltime jobs we have not had the chance to really think over everything yet. We are going to give counselling a try to see if that helps in any way.
 
We all came from men-doninated society!

We are, by default, men-dominated. After embracing the good US values we learn to respect wife and children, cook meals for the family, make the morning tea for her, clean the kitchen, may be kiss her in front of kids..etc.

After practicing these for a long time 1-3 years, life will be changed. Even though they do not appreciated in 6 months, they know it. There are no short cuts. Most of the time, if can't say a possitive comment, don't make a comment. Scilance is good. When she is talking listen and show you are listening.

Read books, booklets such as "How to be the best husband, etc" They give you 100 tips. Life is too short to be messed up. Already we have had the cultural schock. Have kids and keep the eye contact with them from the day one, at least 30 minutes/day. Do the same with your wife--Have IOI communication 30 minutes/day..

Hope I helped you. Good luck
 
kumarss said:
Have kids and keep the eye contact with them from the day one, at least 30 minutes/day. Do the same with your wife--Have IOI communication 30 minutes/day..
Click to expand...

To use kids have as glue fix a broken marriage is is the worst possible advise you can give.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
more marriage advice!!!

very sorry to hear about your situation. here is my two cents...
both of you should read a book called 'don't sweat the small stuff' by richard carlson. i am sure it will not only help your marriage but also help you guys become better persons.

my best wishes,
-mat
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top