What signs may indicate that I'm being married for a greencard?

KMax said:
I don't know about this. I would more concerned if he says he is going to get an H1 after marriage to a USC. Coz most immigrants are aware of eligibility to apply for GC after marrying a USC. And if he says that he is going to go the harder route(H1) I would be very wary about what made him say that.
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Kmart,

Ms. Sunshine has concerns that it is possible that he fiance might be in it for the greencard. So, my suggestion, which isn't immune from critical review, is to see what are his intentions... :p

If he indicates that he hopes to file for a greencard, then maybe he "might" be in it for the gc. However, none of us are in a position to know the true intentions of her fiance. All of this back and form in this thread is speculations....:D
 
I have several Indian co-workers so I hope to be able to shed some light on this issue. Someone who's from India, correct me if I'm wrong or being stereotypical.

I haven't heard much about Indian marriage fraud as I've heard from other cultures. According to their culture, at least this applies to all my co-workers, they usually have an arranged marriage to a girl from India, and usual route to GC is through employment and bring the Indian wife here on GC also.

I do know that some of them don't like the arranged marriage idea or perhaps not the girls that their families are considering for them to get married to; they usually don't have a chance to get to know them well, and some of them prefer to know the person "well" that they want to get married to ("well" in their case meaning more than a few hours of conversation before deciding to get married to that person). Being of the same social status is a big deal for their culture, so I suppose it's good you're both from successful families in terms of getting his parents' blessing.

I think the proposed litmus test is not bad. Since he's a graduate student he has a better chance at a H-1B anyway, but I also agree with LucyMO that sometimes the timing doesn't work out if other decisions have already been made. In fact, I would suggest you have a long engagement as other have said, and don't rush into the GC right away but do have him try to work on an H-1B first. I've known my wife since I was on F-1 too, and ended up being on H-1B for almost 6 years before we got married and filed for my GC, and had opportunity to file for GC through employment too, and he will probably too, and when he's at that point where he has a choice how to get his employment based GC but he's still with you, then you can file for his family-based GC.
 
Al Southner said:
Kmart,

Ms. Sunshine has concerns that it is possible that he fiance might be in it for the greencard. So, my suggestion, which isn't immune from critical review, is to see what are his intentions... :p

If he indicates that he hopes to file for a greencard, then maybe he "might" be in it for the gc. However, none of us are in a position to know the true intentions of her fiance. All of this back and form in this thread is speculations....:D
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Well, my point was that if he says he will get an H1 after marriage to an USC(when most know that it is the easiest way to GC), then either he is a very good/naive person or he is a total crook trying to hide his true intentions. But, there is no way to know which.

I don't think it would be a good question to guage his intentions.
 
Thank you! :)

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. Those of you that said something to the effect of "let it go and have some faith and it will be what it will be" struck home with me. In fact, all of your replies were really helpful!

Trinigirl, I really appreciated your comments. I'm not inclined to make rules and tests for him based on fear. I just don't want to be naive.

Eleanor, thank you too for your wisdom. I can see elements of myself in the woman you mentioned. My problem is not really my faith in him, but rather myself.

KMax: You said, "And if he says that he is going to go the harder route(H1) I would be very wary about what made him say that." THAT is excellent information. That's precisely the kind of wisdom that I was after, and would not have been equipped to discern. Thank you.
 
Follow your heart, it's not always the obvious things that will reveal his true colors i.e. if he opens the door for you, buys you gifts, cooks and cleans for you, these are all things that ANYONE could do and it does not mean it's true love,

however, things such as.. if u sleep in the same bed with him and he wakes up in the middle of the night just to put the covers over you to make sure you're not cold, or when u sick he truly sacrifices his own time to take care of you (if he can), if he constantly wants to spend time with u, and then the most important things such as chemistry between the two of you.

Make sure he's 1. Caring, 2. Considerate, 3. Kind, 4. Trustworthy and loyal, now if he's got all of that i'm pretty sure it's legit,

good luck!
 
austriacus said:
I think the proposed litmus test is not bad. Since he's a graduate student he has a better chance at a H-1B anyway
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well, I must disagree. I know quite a few graduate students (including myself) who couldn't get H1b. Heck, I couldn't even get a regular job after I got OPT EAD... So, I wouldn't be so sure about a better chance for H1b... :(

I don't think there could be a litmus test for this kind of situation. Really. I think my husband-to-be and I both presumed that I'd be applying for a GC after the wedding. How else was I going to stick around to "participate" in our marriage? :) :) :) 4.5 years later - we are still married, and I am still in the US.

Had he started asking whether I was going to apply for a GC after the wedding, I would have said yes. I mean - it would be silly to say no. If I answered "yes", do you think he should have run away in horror, thinking that I am only after a GC? Sure, he had some concerns since he listened to other people's "I heard it from this one guy" kind of stories, but he doesn't have them now.
 
I'm from India, and my husband is an American citizen. I've been in the US legally since 1995, and I was on H1-B (and my company was sponsoring my employment based green card) when my husband and I fell in love.

We were engaged for over 3 years, because that's how long it took for my parents to actually agree and give their blessing for the wedding, since they were very concerned about the cultural differences, etc. This long engagement thing worked for us - it definitely showed my husband that I was not marrying him for a green card (which I could have gotten through employment based - though it would have been a long wait).

I guess what I'm saying is that a long engagement maybe just the thing to help you decide whether you want to marry this guy or not, and also to ascertain as to whether he is really in love with you or not. If he's not willing to stick around indefinitely, then, you know you've got a con artist on your hands. What this also means, is that he's going to have to find employment through H1-B after grad school.

Good luck to you. Being Indian, I know that for a majority of Indians, marrying outside the culture is a taboo, and it takes a lot of patience to get our parents to accept an inter-racial marriage. Of course, this does not mean that no Indians commit marriage fraud - but I think in most cases, they are the ones who've already overstayed their visit (came here on tourist visa and overstayed, F-1 and overstayed, etc. and are therefore illegal) and they try marriage fraud as a last resort to get their GC. You guy doesn't sound like he's in one of those categories, so in my opinion, he's probably not playing the marriage fraud game.

My two cents . . .
PV
 
I really appreciate everyone's considerate replies. I've only just discovered forums, and I love them, because it is such a great way to find people that can share their knowledge with me -- and everyone!

To mona_lisa: You're absolutely right about what actions really indicate love. What I've come to appreciate about India-born Indian men is that while EVERY one that I've known (I'm speaking strictly from my own experience but there have been no exceptions, even the "worst" that I've met have had impeccable manners! Maybe I've just been fortunate :)) does the former for all their friends, male or female, because they are such considerate and mannered friends and boyfriends. M is special to me because I've never met a more considerate, kind, caring, loyal man. He is more capable of empathy than I even am, and he never ceases to consider others' perspectives and needs (everyone's, not just mine). He is so aware that often he can recognize other people's emotions before they are even aware of them, and he acts accordingly. He is brilliant but unassuming, hard-working and responsible but knows when and how to have too much fun, and he is generous in every sense of the word to everyone. He is a special man, or I wouldn't even date him, let alone marry him.

I hope I've managed to make it clear that my concern regarding our relationship is in no conscious way related to anything about him or his behaviour (obviously I can't speak for my unconscious motivations), but rather my own nature and disposition. I like context. I also know anyone can be the fool, and not one person can know when they are that guy. I'm just fact-finding and making sure my eyes are open.

As for making conditions for our marriage, that's just not the way I roll. I plan to do everything I can for the many I marry, including making the path to a life in America as easy as possible. I don't want to spend any time away from him, and I want to start our life together as soon as his parents accept me.

By the way, anyone have any wisdom to share regarding Indian parents' perspectives in cases like mine?
 
I'm sure there are as many opinions of parents on marriage as there are people in the world so I don't think it's easy to generalize. They could be very traditional and expecting their son to marry an Indian woman, or they could be happy that their son is happy. Our marriage is cross-cultural/ethnic as well and there's been some friction and misunderstandings with the parents, but now they are all happy that we're happy.

I would agree with those that said family based GC is a natural progression from a marriage with a USC because, after all, the immigrant would like to stay with the USC. However, I don't think someone who goes the H-1B route after being married to a USC shows any bad intentions towards their spouse. I don't think it can be concluded that not filing marriage based GC means the foreign spouse doesn't believe in the marriage. Rather, it could mean that they want to separate marriage and immigration issues, so the USC will never get the feeling that he or she was married for the GC.

I just want to clarify that what I meant by my support for the "litmus test" was not necessarily to use it as a test but to actually have a transition period where the foreign spouse is still in a nonimmigrant status like H-1B. Another advantage is that if you can wait with filing the GC for 2 years, you won't have to go through the removal of condition later.
 
austriacus said:
I don't think it can be concluded that not filing marriage based GC means the foreign spouse doesn't believe in the marriage. Rather, it could mean that they want to separate marriage and immigration issues, so the USC will never get the feeling that he or she was married for the GC.
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YES! My thoughts exactly.
 
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