What signs may indicate that I'm being married for a greencard?

S

Sunshine515

Registered Users (C)
Hi, I'm an American that recently got engaged to an Indian graduate student, and I want to be sure that his intentions are true. I have not had any red flags (at all! He's an absolutely wonderful, kind and caring guy - which is why I'm so happy to marry him), but all the same, I am aware that I would not necessarily know what those flags look like. I lived in China for a couple years, and I saw many Chinese girls snag unwitting American men for the sake of a greencard (I also saw just as many happy lovers, so I'm not disparaging Chinese girls or American guys!). So suffice it to say that I may be a bit paranoid. I just want to be sure I go into this clear eyed (unlike my compatriots in China!).

Anyway, I have two questions, and I hope someone could share their wisdom with me.

1. Given the trend I noticed in China, I was wondering if this is common or occurs between Indians and Americans. I'm well aware that the circumstances are totally different, as Indians are professionals and their families will be so resistant that it's probably often easier to just work in the US for a several years and wait it out. Despite that, though, does this sort of thing occur frequently?

2. What kinds of signs in our relationship or in his actions might reveal less than sincere intentions regarding our marriage?

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated! I'm so happy and excited to be marrying him, and I love him more and more every day, but I don't presume to have infinite wisdom. I don't want to end up heart broken and humiliated one day because I lacked the wisdom to see the situation properly.
 
Just be upfront about your concerns. Tell the guy you'll chop his cock off if he's just after you for a Green Card; if he acts really nervous after that, you'll know something could be wrong.
 
1.- The rate of nationals of India trying to come to the US is HUGE. Either by Family or Employment immigration, so I would say it is safe to say a % of them would try to get to live in the USA by any means necessary, including marrying for a GC (and subsequently sponsoring any possible family member they can for one too).

2.- This is very hard to tell, because if most people who do this are not dumb... they are scam artists (after all, they will attempt to deceive not only you, but also USCIS). But before you jump in with "both feet" into this marriage thing, make sure you give it time to get to know the guy and his family... has he always had the "american dream"? ask his relatives... ask him if he would not mind living in India for several years first and then filing for a GC?, Are you aware of the cultural differences (specially those that deal with the man's and woman's role in marriage) and language/semantics barrier (even if he is fluid in english)? The best thing you can do is give time to time and not rush, and by all means, take the advice of your family and friends, they will be able to "think outside the box" and tell you what they think of him.

Best of luck and discernment.
 
Hmmm... curious question, and its ringing alarm bells in my head.

I see three possibilities:-
i. you are an incredibly cautious, worldly-wise lady who is doing the right thing checking out a potential mate before doing something irreversible. Possible, but I've never seen this sort of thing asked before the marriage has taken place. Don't they normally say "love is blind"?

ii. you want to learn the common mistakes, so you and your future husband can avoid making them in front of the IO. Again this may be possible, but any time spent researching the issue would turn up quite a lot of useful material without making it obvious what you're up to.

iii. you might just be a troll in disguise.

I'm not yet sure which category you fit in. If its #1, I wish you all the best...
 
I would say I'm the first on the list. When it comes to love, I'm very rational. I'm the sort that would prefer an arranged marriage to a good man to a tumultuous marriage that involved high emotions. I'm very suspicious of "blind love" and I prefer love that grows slowly based on compatibility, promises kept, good character and friendship. I also believe that true love does not happen until after, say, 20 years of shared joy, sorrow, memories, hardships and triumphs. THAT is true love.

Anyway, before I get too emotionally invested, I'd like to have an idea of certain realities that I may not have experienced, and thus do not have the wisdom to make an informed choice. So, I came here (and various other forums) to try to glean from collective wisdom. I've heard plenty about Indian men enjoying a relationship with an American woman before getting serious about marriage and returning to India for their bride, and there are countless sites that go into depth on that subject. However, I came here to address my secondary concern, the possibility of being duped for a greencard. It's much harder to find information about this. I just want to know it is prevalent (as in the China case) and what the warning signs are.

If anyone can shed some light on either question, I would be deeply appreciative. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration :)
 
If you fiance is having the thoughts of just marrying you for the green card and like most con artists (note i am not saying he is) then you will generally never know about it until it is too late.
 
I'm about 6 months older than he is. Is that what you mean by older, or do you mean by years?

Also, if anyone's wondering, I'm quite pretty (please excuse me, I'm not conceited, I just thought that would be relevant information), fit, educated, from a very good family, etc. so we are not blatantly mismatched in any way, which would of course be an obvious red flag. Although I don't really know his family's socioeconomic status, I know they are successful, so there is no way that my family's money (such as it is) is relevant. I also doubt that his parents would be opposed for economic reasons, regardless of their situation.

Other red flags I could imagine are:

1. A tendency to be deceitful in other aspects, thus illustrating an ability and habit that could make him capable of deceit on other levels.
2. Lack of interest in or respect for American culture, other than the perfunctory lip service necessary to gain my trust

I could almost always tell when a Chinese girl was using an American/foreign man (or vice versa), but the used party was usually oblivious. Perhaps someone could give me that knowing outsider's perspective that I lack in this case.
 
Sunshine515,
I'll suggest a very simple litmus test. Tell him that he needs to sign a pre-nup where he agrees that you will not sponsor him for a GC and he needs to get one on his own via the F-1--->OPt--->H-1B route. See how he reacts.
 
I think by you asking us this question ,you are already suspicious. You may say you are not, but subconsciously you are. I would say you should have a long engagement, until this question does not enter your mind. Then go for it. If he loves you like you believe he does, then he'll wait until YOU are ready.
 
i agree, if he's in it for a green card, he would be eager to marry asap. I would take my time and enjoy a long engagment. maybe try to visit india and his family in the meantime, and see how things go.
 
Triple Citizen said:
Sunshine515,
I'll suggest a very simple litmus test. Tell him that he needs to sign a pre-nup where he agrees that you will not sponsor him for a GC and he needs to get one on his own via the F-1--->OPt--->H-1B route. See how he reacts.
Click to expand...

I love my husband, but that test would not work on me or two of my other friends, who were running out of time on F-1/J-1, and couldn't get a job on H1b. For them it was either "you marry me and we apply for a GC", or "I have to go home to my country and I will only be able to return after you marry me and apply for my immigrant visa which could be years". What guy would want to let go of his girl for an uncertain time period if he really loves her? See, it works both ways.

By the way, after two years of marriage he was still concerned (secretly, I didn't find that out until recently) that I'd leave him after getting a GC.

So, unless a person tells you directly that the marriage is for a GC, there is no way you could tell in advance. It's a 50/50 chance (it's either real, or it's not :) ).
 
Honestly, we all got married or in the process of got our gc through marriage, I think the question is is the marriage real or not. Is he marrying because love and if so why spend unnecessary time apart if you don't have to, if you can afford a long engagement great!! So again make sure it's right for you, do what you want to do. Doing litmus test and playing games is not the way to start a marriage or a relationship out, no one wins people just get hurt. Regardless, when you do marry him you will be making a way for him to get his gc, bottom line you do it now and you guys can start your lives now or wait. Remember people who also get married for love, their marriage sometime do not last. So if you think this is your guy take a leap of faith and go for it because tomorrow is never promised.
 
Sorry to hear that you have a concern to the man you're going to get married.

You remind me of the woman I met few months ago. She was once the top 10 richest women in US. Cut the story short. Many years later she came to her ex-husband to discuss her problems in relationship. Her ex-husband told her that she is lack of security because of her past beauty, wealth, social level, etc. She never trusts any men would truly in love with her. Her father hired a private detective to run through every man background check report higher than 20 feet. Today she is mid-sixty. Alone. Rich. And nothing much.

If you don't have faith in your future husband. Step back. Chill out. Relax. Don't let him know your concern of him getting gc. He will find his way to sort thing out.

BTW, no marriage has a warranty even you vow at the altar. It's all depend upon you to work it out. Happy ending is in fairy tale. They forget to write you still need to deal with daily chores. :)
 
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Sunshine515 said:
Hi, I'm an American that recently got engaged to an Indian graduate student, and I want to be sure that his intentions are true. I have not had any red flags (at all! He's an absolutely wonderful, kind and caring guy - which is why I'm so happy to marry him), but all the same, I am aware that I would not necessarily know what those flags look like. I lived in China for a couple years, and I saw many Chinese girls snag unwitting American men for the sake of a greencard (I also saw just as many happy lovers, so I'm not disparaging Chinese girls or American guys!). So suffice it to say that I may be a bit paranoid. I just want to be sure I go into this clear eyed (unlike my compatriots in China!).

Anyway, I have two questions, and I hope someone could share their wisdom with me.

1. Given the trend I noticed in China, I was wondering if this is common or occurs between Indians and Americans. I'm well aware that the circumstances are totally different, as Indians are professionals and their families will be so resistant that it's probably often easier to just work in the US for a several years and wait it out. Despite that, though, does this sort of thing occur frequently?

2. What kinds of signs in our relationship or in his actions might reveal less than sincere intentions regarding our marriage?

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated! I'm so happy and excited to be marrying him, and I love him more and more every day, but I don't presume to have infinite wisdom. I don't want to end up heart broken and humiliated one day because I lacked the wisdom to see the situation properly.
Click to expand...

Life is about taking risks. In this particular case, I have a feeling that you are either being overly cautious or you have already made your decision and need validation from the rest of us.

My advice is that you'll never know the real reason and that the best thing to do is to decide one way or the other if you want to be with him.

Long engagement will not work as he is here on a certain time frame, once his time frame expires, he's got to leave. Then what happens? Discuss your concerns with him even if it means losing him...after all you are both engaged, didn't that take some time?

Good luck.
 
Trinigirl said it right, if you're over there thinking about this possibility then there is a red flag going up in your head and you need to pay attention to it. Don't marry someone you don't really know, give it time, a year at least. Have you ever met any of his family members, his parents especially? You can also judge based on how accepting they are of you and how they react around you. I've seen legit american-indian marriages and they always have two weddings one for the american side and one for the indian side, the parents of both individuals know each other, etc, there is not a doubt the marriage is real based on all the family involvement. If he marries you and his parents are not there or you don't go to meet them and the rest of his family to see how they react around you, that should tell you something's up too. You're right, there are many reports of indian men marrying for the green card and then going back home for arranged marriages, and indian american girls get used, too! I also agree with Praetorian that scam artists are really good and if his goal is to do whatever he needs to for the GC, then he'll do whatever he needs to so don't assume someone being supernice to you and whatever is an indication of his love for you.

Having said all that, who knows, maybe this has nothing to do with the GC and he really does love you for you, best if luck for you all:D
 
Ms. Sunshine,

If you are not sure about marrying someone, it is best that you do not marry the gentleman from India..:( If he is interested in marrying you for the sake of the plastic card which has been green since the 1970's, then ask what he plans to do with his immigration status once he graduate...;) This answer will be more illuminating to your situation....

There is no need to be deceitfful...because it your marriage is ever based on the latter, then it is going to end up in an implosion....:cool:
 
Pete023 said:
i agree, if he's in it for a green card, he would be eager to marry asap. I would take my time and enjoy a long engagment. maybe try to visit india and his family in the meantime, and see how things go.
Click to expand...

I also agree with this. Broach the topic about a long engagement and see how he reacts. Make sure you propose a date later than when he will have to get an H1. He will get OPT(EAD) for 1 year after he graduates from his program. After that he will have to get an H1.

Also, 6 months age difference would not be that much of a red flag I guess.

Try to get him to introduce you to his parents and talk about visiting India and see how it goes.
 
EnigmaGC said:
Long engagement will not work as he is here on a certain time frame, once his time frame expires, he's got to leave. Then what happens? Discuss your concerns with him even if it means losing him...after all you are both engaged, didn't that take some time?

Good luck.
Click to expand...


It won't go this way. Believe me. He is gonna get OPT(EAD) and then H1 and will stay in the US. He is not going anywhere unless he from a filthy rich and by that I mean extremely filthy rich family back home. Or if he is idealtic nationalist in which case he wouldn't be thinking of marrying an American.
 
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Al Southner said:
Ms. Sunshine,

If you are not sure about marrying someone, it is best that you do not marry the gentleman from India..:( If he is interested in marrying you for the sake of the plastic card which has been green since the 1970's, then ask what he plans to do with his immigration status once he graduate...;) This answer will be more illuminating to your situation....
There is no need to be deceitfful...because it your marriage is ever based on the latter, then it is going to end up in an implosion....:cool:
Click to expand...

I don't know about this. I would more concerned if he says he is going to get an H1 after marriage to a USC. Coz most immigrants are aware of eligibility to apply for GC after marrying a USC. And if he says that he is going to go the harder route(H1) I would be very wary about what made him say that.
 
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