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i think my wife might of have married me for a green card

Discussion in 'Family Based Green Card -Through Marriage/Relative' started by 541123, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. 541123

    541123 New Member

    I am US citizen who lives outside the USA. My wife is non us citizen with b2 visa.Yes my wife originally lived in the USA practically with her b2 visa since she would get 6 months permission to stay in the USA and the time she couldn't be there in the USA she would live outside the USA,, here is where I enter the picture. While she was outside the USA because her B2 visa 6 month stay was up, we met online. One of the first questions she asked me when we met was whether I was a US citizen. Anyways we dated for some time outside the USA,, until the time when her B2 visa allowed her back in the USA. She went back to the USA on B2 visa and after some time I followed her to the USA and we lived in the USA for some months, she would work as a housemaid for 6 days a week and I would see her on sundays. She was very interested in money at that time and we would have frequent disputes because of it. Anyways she told me that during sex that the condom bothered her and I thought nothing of it, hint to the clueless when a woman says that the condom bothers her and you don't want children then inyect her with anticonceptive or stop having sex, anyways she gets pregnant obviously from this. I wonder if her getting pregnant was part of bigger plan or just a coincidence. Anyways with a baby on the way we get married and have been in a very tumultous marriage for about 1 year and 11 months so far. We decided to have the baby where the principal caretaker of the baby, my mother lives, outside the USA. The us non citizen spouse however has during the 1 year 11 monts period of marriage always had like a fixation on the USA. Almost everyday when she woke up outside the USA she would fixate on the USA and money. My wife refuses to work outside the USA because she says truthfully that the salaries in the part outside the USA where we live are low compared to the USA. Anyways since she is focused on the financial aspect, this makes her leave for the USA at least twice a year. She would be extremely unhappy and irritated because of not having money and was not content living with me and my parents even though having a decent shelter, food and clothes for her and would also constantly insist that I give her the green card. My wife is not so nice when raising children , so therefore my mother raises our children and if I give my wife the green card that would mean she would probably immigrate to the USA and being a mother of 2 children, she has another from a previous marriage which now lives with us, probably try or even right out take the children with to the USA, which is what I fear the most because they would suffer under her care in the USA. I refuse to sponsor her green card because I would like to raise our children with my mother who cares for them very well. So I don't know sometimes I wonder if the only reason she has stayed in the marriage is because of the green card and or the fact that her other child from another relationship is very problematic and she knows how hard it would be for her to find another partner with 2 little children in tow, especially the problematic one. So perhaps the only reason she hasn't left me is the green card and the fact that it would probably very hard for her to to find another partner who would put up with her problem child. Numbers 5,7 and 8 resonate here. Number 5. My wife lies a lot. Number 7 Family and maids that work with my family have told me that my wife is way too rude. My mother and father have told me in the past due to my wifes negative damaging behavior to me that it is better for me to divorce , even though to this day i havent. Number 8. My wife claims to love me but doesnt treat me as nicely as she does sometimes to her friends and family.
     
  2. Sm1smom

    Sm1smom Super Moderator

  3. SusieQQQ

    SusieQQQ Well-Known Member

    I think this is the same as the case on a different forum.
    Your analysis is probably correct. Don’t file for a green card for her, simple. She can’t pursue it if you refuse. Don’t let her “blackmail” you into it. It’s kind of obvious she’ll ditch you once she has it. Sorry to be blunt but I think you know this already.
    What to do about the marriage is kind of obvious objectively but not really topic for an immigration forum.
     
  4. Sm1smom

    Sm1smom Super Moderator

    Yeah I believe it is - I saw that one too.

    The long, hard to read post doesn’t have any question listed. So I was wondering precisely what is the OP seeking here as this is an immigration forum and not marriage counseling forum.
     
  5. 541123

    541123 New Member

    Thanks what should I do about the marriage objectively?
     
  6. 1AurCitizen

    1AurCitizen Registered Users (C)

    A couple of members offered a few bits of advice on another forum this post appears in. Suggest you look into those words of advice.

    "First, take steps to ensure your safety... Get a restraining order, change your phone number, never be alone with her again. Second, if you haven't filed for divorce, do it now! It sounds like you've wanted to do this for months but you're afraid that it will mean an interview. A lot of married applicants have to go to an ROC interview. If a married applicant has to go to an interview, their spouse must attend. A divorced applicant is more likely to have an interview than a married applicant. But they're more likely to get approved than a married applicant whose relationship is over in every way EXCEPT a legal divorce. If you choose to file for divorce, do it soon. You want it filed so you can change your application to a divorce waiver. I believe that if it's not finalized at the time of interview, you'll either be delayed until you turn in the finalized decree or you'll be denied for not having it. I'm not 100% sure what happens but I'm sure someone else will clarify."

    "File for divorce, change to divorce waiver, interview is pretty much guaranteed. All but very few dont pass, especially with good evidence that you entered the marriage in good faith.
    Instead of thinking of the interview with a divorce waiver as an issue or a bad thing, think instead that its a chance to tell someone face to face that you tried to have a good relationship. Its an interview, not an interrogation or accusation. Really its super common.
    Obviously your ex wife is very depressed and I hope she gets the help she needs."
     
  7. Sm1smom

    Sm1smom Super Moderator

    OP hasn’t filed a GC petition for the spouse - majority of the suggested actions do not seem applicable IMO.
     
  8. SusieQQQ

    SusieQQQ Well-Known Member

    Agreed ... though is probably the outcome should OP ever actually move to the US and file a GC for his wife, rather than getting divorced now, which seems like the only logical path to an outsider.
     
  9. 541123

    541123 New Member

    Yes the situation is such that if I can't just flat out tell her I am not giving you the green card and that's it, as much I would dearly love to tell her that, and I would really LOVE to tell her that, I can't because if I do go ahead and call her out on marrying me for a green card and telling her to forget about the green card, I have a duty to raise my child in the best loving environment possible, which is my parents house as my mother is a great parent. As I mentioned before she is not a loving caring patient nonviolent mother, so if I do flat out tell her that I won't give her green card never, she would in retaliation take my child to live with her somewhere that is not my house to be raised by a callous violent impatient mother. So what I do when she asks me for the green card is to play dumb and delay her by saying i like living outside the USA right now i would like to continue living here with you, so at the time i don't see your green card as a priority. The idea would be to delay giving her the green card until my child is an adult and therefore can decide by himself where to live, which is probably give or take 16 years from now, so he would avoid being raised in a harsh unloving environment.

    So I cant be too confrontative because then she would retaliate by taking my child with her.
     
  10. SusieQQQ

    SusieQQQ Well-Known Member

    Where do you live that she can just “take” the child? Get a decent divorce/custody lawyer.
    You honestly think 16 years of this is sustainable, like she’s never going to figure it out?
     
  11. 1AurCitizen

    1AurCitizen Registered Users (C)

    Not to split hairs, but you don't give or take away her green card. You have to petition her for permanent residency and establish US domicile before she gets her hands on one.

    If your wife is intent on a green card more than being with you or your child, it's time to look at alternatives, including divorce. Depending on the country you live in, each parent should have a legal right to custody of a child. You have to address the family dynamics of this issue first and foremost. As you have not filed an immigration petition for your wife yet, this is not currently an immigration matter.

    And if you have verifiable evidence of your wife working in the US or otherwise abusing her B2 visa, you have the option to contact the US embassy.. which could potentially lead to a revocation of her visa.
     
  12. 541123

    541123 New Member

    Yes the situation is such that if I can't just flat out tell her I am not giving you the green card and that's it as much I would dearly love to tell her that, and I would really LOVE to tell her that, I can't because if I do go ahead and call her out on marrying me for a green card and telling her to forget about the green card, I have a duty to raise my child in the best loving environment possible, which is my parents house as my mother is a great parent. As I mentioned before she is not a loving caring patient nonviolent mother, so if I do flat out tell her that I won't give her green card never, she would in retaliation take my child to live with her somewhere that is not my house to be raised by a callous violent impatient mother. So what I do when she asks me for the green card is to play dumb and delay her by saying i like living outside the USA right now i would like to continue living here with you, so at the time i don't see your green card as a priority. The idea would be to delay giving her the green card until my child is an adult and therefore can decide by himself where to live, which is probably give or take 16 years from now so he would avoid being raised in a harsh unloving environment.

    In the country where I live in it is possible for a child to exit the country with a written notarized permission from both parents. My wife could falsify the child written notarized permission and take my child outside the country where I live. If my wife indeed takes that route, I would proceed to the authorities and accuse her of kidnapping and a search warrant would be put out for her in the country where I live, so if she ever decided to return to the country where I live she would be probably arrested.
     
  13. 541123

    541123 New Member

    I think my wife told me once that she married me for a green card, but i think she said it an joking tone so i didnt pay attention even though that doesnt change the obvious you cant cover the sun with your finger.

    She left our family whatsapp group.

    She is still friends with her ex boyfriends on facebook.
     
  14. Britsimon

    Britsimon Super Moderator

    Apply for a GC for her, or don't. Get divorced, or don't. Your choices.

    Is there any further immigration advice you need?
     
  15. 541123

    541123 New Member

    My wife also has spoken with exboyfriends over the phone.
     
  16. Sm1smom

    Sm1smom Super Moderator

    Like I noted in an earlier response on this thread, this is an immigration forum, not a marriage counseling forum. We cannot and do not provide marriage counseling. Ask immigration related questions if you have one, or this thread will get locked up.
     

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