Help! No GC and Nut wants divorce

M

marriedtoanut

Registered Users (C)
I entered the US on an F1 Visa in 08/2002. In 04/2005, I got married to a girl I had known since my first day of college. It was a genuine marriage, full of laughter and love and blah blah blah. I went out of status on 05/2005. I filed for my paperwork on 04/2006, had my interview in 09/2006, which went through smoothly and the lady said that we would have to wait for the FBI namecheck to clear. In Dec, I had to file a Waiver of Excludability. I had a 3 year old marijuana misdemeanor on my record and the out of status situation. Cut to 12/2007 and the FBI namecheck hasn't cleared. I put in a status check in 10/2007 and they said to check back in 6 months.

The major dilemma now though is that I recently found out that my wife has been cheating on me for god knows how long with god knows how many men. When confronted with this news, my wife threw a fit and pretty much told me it was my fault. The last two years of swiping my credit card to feed her fine food and give her bright shiny things as well as a dog (which is partly why I'm 8k in debt) were apparently loveless tortorous years for her, full of much pain and misery and Outback steaks. My wife pretty much left with the car and told me it was over. Devastated, I had no choice but to move to Seattle where the only family I have in the US lives.

My question to you is what can I do at this point? I don't want to go back home and don't think I should have to. It's not my fault that the woman I married turned into a complete nutjob two years down the line. We are supposedly still working things out, but her parents tell me that they have already started divorce proceedings against me. I would go and get an attorney, but I don't have a lot of money and I want to make sure that getting an attorney is going to accomplish SOMETHING, before I hand over the cash. This woman is absolutely crazy. She compares getting deported to her being grounded by her parents. I'm serious. She's been telling me that my dog's still in Omaha and she sees him everyday when I just found out that they (my moral, upright inlaws who told me that we shouldn't stay married because their daughter doesn't have health insurance) gave my dog away to someone who lives in Colorado. I know that in the eyes of the government I'm not even a person, but why should these people be allowed to get away with this because I'm not an American? I did nothing wrong. And I'm the one who's losing everything over it. My Visa's expired, my passport is about to expire and my EAD is about to expire. I finally found a job I like with people who think I'm smart and it's all about to go away.

Please help me out. I am at my wit's end. This woman tells me we are still working things out, but I really don't believe her and don't want to anymore. I want my card and I want to move on with my life.

And NEVER EVER EVER date again.
 
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Well there are part of your story that I don't understand...you said that on Dec (december when? 06 or 07?) you had a marij issue. Then past a year and you still haven't been clear for FBI namecheck? Do you think that all that has something to do with your delay in your process?

Are you waiting ONLY for the FBI namecheck to clear and then you are all done? Because you already had your interview...so really, you don't need your wife for the interview. And legally you two are still married, right? But to move on you need the actual green card.

Unfortunately with USCIS emotions about hurt feelings and who is right or wrong in a relationship has nothing to do with petitions and other immigration issues. This is a poor cold hearted business.
 
Nutjob withdrawal

cherr1980 said:
Well there are part of your story that I don't understand...you said that on Dec (december when? 06 or 07?) you had a marij issue. Then past a year and you still haven't been clear for FBI namecheck? Do you think that all that has something to do with your delay in your process?
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My marijuana issue was a misdemeanor that occured in 2002. What's more, I was fined $100 for the marijuana posession and $1 for paraphernalia. Apart from my own stupidity in participating in that event is the fact that I was in a small town in Nebraska, but that's besides the point.

My interviewer had said that she wanted a police report to prove that I wasn't dealing. I got her the police report as well as the court proceedings. This was in Sep of 2006, after our interview. After the interview, in Dec of 2006, I was told to file the Waiver of Excludability.

cherr1980 said:
Are you waiting ONLY for the FBI namecheck to clear and then you are all done? Because you already had your interview...so really, you don't need your wife for the interview. And legally you two are still married, right? But to move on you need the actual green card.
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I don't even have Conditional Residency card, but according to the interviewer, that's all we're waiting on. She didn't stamp my passport although she did take my i-9 (making it very difficult for me to get state ID's anywhere). During an Info-Pass visit, however, the very rude lady at the window who looked at me like something she had just found growing on her toe told me that we would be called back in for another interview. Is that true? Is this just a remake of the first interview? At this point, we are supposedly still working things out. How is USCIS/INS/DHS/The Artist Formerly Known As Prince going to look at this? Is it even possible to prove to them that this is still a marriage even though we are so far apart.

What about getting back my F-1 status so I can finish up college and leave this country forever? Is that possible?

cherr1980 said:
Unfortunately with USCIS emotions about hurt feelings and who is right or wrong in a relationship has nothing to do with petitions and other immigration issues. This is a poor cold hearted business.
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I appreciate your advice and I feel that ultimately, I am screwed, but I no longer question people who just pay women to get married to get a green card. Even if you meet an American man/woman and you fall in love with them, don't marry them. Marry someone else and pay them for your green card and keep your real relationship going. Seriously man, never before in my life have I felt less like a person. This woman has ruined me. The government has eagerly sucked down the $5000+ that I have spent. And I know that if I had a lot more $$$ I might have been able to rectify this situation. This is a pointless rant now so I'm going to stop.
 
Sorry to hear your story but there is not too much it can be done.

1. If you get a second interview, you are screwed.
2. If USCIS just mail you the conditional GC after your background check passes, you can only live in the U.S. for 2 years then you will be out of status, and you will have to leave the U.S.

Unfortunately without a GC, conditional CG, and with FBI records, your chances to get the GC based on your marriage are minimal.
 
I appreciate...

I appreciate the frankness.

A few follow up questions if you will:

1. Assuming I am able to keep the marriage intact, we still share the same phone plan, car payment plan and we are technically only living apart from each other right now because of employment oppurtunities. I have a pretty good job here in WA and once I get health insurance, she will be added as a dependant. Doesn't it seem like that is still worth a shot?

2. I thought that if it had been over 2 years that you've been married, you got the card straight off?
 
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1.- Keeping the marriage intact "for immigration purposes" is construed as immigration fraud.

2.- If you are approved after 2 years of marriage, your GC will be unconditional, valid for 10 years. (you have to renew it then or file for citizenship).

Your best bet would be to be approved before the divorce is final and that you are not called for a second interview. Putting up a "show" and lying about being a good faith marriage when in fact you plan to divorce will bring problems.
 
:The second interview is called "stokes interview", the reason for this is because the IO, at your first interview did not believe your marriage is real, and it's usually a tough one where you and wife are seperated, so gather as much evidence as possible and prepare very well, and i think you should go with an attorney, take it easy though, wishing you the very best.
 
PraetorianXI said:
1.- Keeping the marriage intact "for immigration purposes" is construed as immigration fraud.

2.- If you are approved after 2 years of marriage, your GC will be unconditional, valid for 10 years. (you have to renew it then or file for citizenship).

Your best bet would be to be approved before the divorce is final and that you are not called for a second interview. Putting up a "show" and lying about being a good faith marriage when in fact you plan to divorce will bring problems.
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No, I definitely didn't mean that I would pretend to still be married for the sake of the Green card, but that if I managed to postpone the divorce until after the GC - if indeed it ever happened at all (in my culture, you might as well turn celibate if you get divorced). My wife keeps flip flopping on the divorce issue, so I guess my question has been answered in a way. If indeed we are still "working things out" at the time of the interview, I need to start collecting evidence now that we are still a married couple, just one plagued by the whimsies of a nutjob.

We've already been married for two years, third year this Apr - which is when the namecheck is supposedly supposed to be cleared by.

The thing though is that at the end of the first interview, the lady really did seem pleased and she knew the marriage was real. She didn't even ask to look at our pictures or half the documents that we had. Afterwards, she spoke with our attorney and even he said that we'd passed and the only thing pending now was the namecheck.

Thank you for your support and help people. I guage the behavior of my wife with yours and it definitely restores my faith in people. Slightly. But even that is better than the dazed misanthropic cloud the last month has been for me. Especially since now I feel like I have a semblance of a happy life that I could very well lose at any moment.
 
Thank you

Thank you maggyban and Godislove. I will try to keep everyone updated. If the next post you see is a scanned picture of a postcard, then you know what happened.
 
Not an expert, but look into the I-360. Once you have a conditional Green Card (2year)and then the marriage subsequently fails, there is a waiver that allows you to file (without your wife) for removal of conditions on the Conditional card.

HOWEVER you have to prove that the marriage was entered into with good faith (not for the purposes of immigration)

If you do receive the conditional green card from your past filings, consult an immigration attorney - all is not lost.
 
marriedtoanut said:
Thank you maggyban and Godislove. I will try to keep everyone updated. If the next post you see is a scanned picture of a postcard, then you know what happened.
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Keep doing what is right, and make sure you have evidence that the marriage failed through no fault of your own. Don't miss any communications from USCIS (you say you've both moved). Put in a change of adress AR-11. IMHO it would have been better if you were still in the marital home and she abandoned the home.

As someone said, there is no consideration in the process for the pain you're going through - they are only interested in factual evidence.

Be strong and don't abandon the process. :)
 
You've asked me a personal question so my answer is going to be personal too.

My wife cheats on me and makes a mockery of those supposedly oh-so-sacred marriage vows and I get punished by having everything taken away from me and being sent back home. That is what boggles my mind. So if an immigrant marries a US citizen, the US citizen can pretty much do whatever he/she wants and the immigrant is supposed to bow and say "thank you very much, I take my leave" and go back home? If I'm going to be punished, then so should she. Instead, she continues on with her life, driving the car I bought, playing with my dog, wearing the ring I gave her while my family pays the debts. And there's not a damn thing we can do about it because we don't have the $$$ to fight the system.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter and this forum is no place for personal bitterness but I am seriously dumbfounded with the system. Why isn't she being held liable for lying in court when she said "I do"?

Once again, if you think this answer is too personal, please don't ask me personal questions.
 
You misread my earlier question. It was based purely on immigration law.
I wanted to know on what basis you think you should not be sent home. You are not a US citizen. There was a time when that applied to me as well. Non-citizens may seek immigration benefits based on meeting certain criteria and the authorities may grant them those benefits. I was granted permanent residency and then citizenship upon seeking those benefits. I never had a birth right to them and I am indebted to the authorities for ruling in my favour. However the bottom line is, being duped in love, or hurt emotionally by a US citizen does not translate to getting permission to stay in the US. Your case has hope. Employ the services of a competent AILA attorney.
I wish you the best of luck. May your USCIS and emotional problems all result in a favourable resolution.

marriedtoanut said:
You've asked me a personal question so my answer is going to be personal too.
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Triple C, I'm not saying that I should be allowed to stay in the US because I was "duped in love" as you put it. I'm saying that at the core of this issue is the fact that my wife breached on the marriage contract, not I. Why should I be automatically deported because of the fraudulent activities of a US citizen? I wouldn't even mind having my F-1 reinstated so I can finish school here and return to my country. I'm not talking about "emotional problems" or being "hurt emotionally" but the fact that this woman lied. I have no emotional problems attached to this issue anymore. You challenged my belief that I think I should be allowed to stay here. My statement was personal, not one I would use in a court of law and hence my reasoning was personal.

It doesn't matter anymore though. Someone explained it to me very simply today. "You weren't born here, hence you have no rights". I will take all of your advices into consideration and let's see what happens.

I wish they'd at least give me my money back. I got two EAD's out of this whole deal. The most expensive EAD's I've ever owned. I'm going to frame them and lick them every night before I go to bed after I get deported.

I'm in too good of a mood to be hurt anymore. It could be worse. We could have had a child together.
 
If you feel your wife's actions making a mockery of your marriage , having affairs is causing extreme distress to you or if you believe she is subjecting you to extreme mental cruelty there is a petition called I360 (special immigrant petition , battered spouse petition (VAWA act) which BTW also applies to men which you can file. for that you will have to collect evidence of her acts that you believe are either physically or mentally abusive to you.

This is the specific reason why a USC spouse or a LPR spouse cannot get away with this behavior. (you gotta thank the congress , INS/USCIS) for making this benefit available to immigrant aliens. Start collecting evidence of her behavior , how that is affecting your personal life , statements from your friends who can attest to such behavior and most important GET a lawyer you will need one if you I130 get's denied for any reason.

o btw who ever told you
"You weren't born here, hence you have no rights"
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was wrong!! you do have rights that what the constitution is all about.
 
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marriedtoanut,

this may be cruel but from the government's perspective, the simple way to explain why you may not be eligible to permanent residency anymore if your marriage is falling apart is because the law is intended to grant permanent residency to spouses so as to not break up families; your intent to be in this country rests at this point on you and your wife's intent to reside together in this country as a married couple, and if this marriage intent no longer exists, the government thinks you no longer have a reason to become a permanent resident. This is not limited to your case, but any marriage that falls apart before permanent residency is granted, anyone on an employment based petition that loses their job (and can't find an identical one), even in some cases people that were single and get married are then no longer eligible for permanent residency. As others have said, if extreme abuse was involved, or if you can prove you'll face hardship by not becoming a permanent resident, you can file for a waiver. Otherwise, you'll either have to try to work things out with your wife (my recommendation is you do that), or you move on and seek another way to stay in this country.

Can we give the OP some advice as to how to deal with the expired status situation, in case the marriage falls apart? The period of authorized stay would have been extended for the time that the AOS was pending, correct? Any issues with adjusting to another status (perhaps even nonimmigrant, if the basis for an immigrant intent no longer exists)?
 
Immigration law is pure about the law (unless you get in front of an immigration court that you can explain your case but still has to be under the law) even on family based immigrant visas...there are many/plenty of cases I bet that the alien spouse can't proof any cruelty in such physical or emotional matter...for physical you at least need a police report etc, and emotional a therapist or psychologist must at least give faith of it, so really that waiver is very limited. There are people that have been sucessfull on it though (including the emotional one).

It's true, when you are "brought" here because it was the best deal for both of you, you start a new life, new friends, new job, everything from zero from some...where that goes? apparently in nothing...that all came along with what was "deal and promised and the I do's" that both of you made but when that is broken where you go? Granted you are the alien and so far you will be, that's all what it matters for the law...is not about fairness it's about what in the common ground (what most people) can apply, unfortunately "special" circumstances are usually get out of the picture, and let's be for the law nobody is special because then we will have to do customize laws and got tons of confusion more than the ones we have now, at least laws change with the time and probably someday, somebody will think in your case and many others.

As one poster says what about if you are in a work visa and you get fired of your job? what about if your father was applying for you and then he got mad at you and then don't want you to stay? There are many cases like yours...and the same law apply for them. Not everybody has a spouse that treat bad the other but what about so many other circumstances that is just not right? And let's be sincere what is my priority in my marriage is not for others...for someone financial stability is, for others is housework, children...they are not directly immigration matter, they affect your life to whom you depend on. Because YES you are a dependant. I am not sure if I should consider it fraud or not, because the law is clear it's about that you if or if not enter the marriage in good faith, remember the burden is in YOU...you enter, and that's what you must demostrate...that you ENTER, not about how you exit or how you live your marriage (well kind of...it's suppose that you live together). As I said before your problem won't be a problem if you got your conditional card in the normal timing, unfortunately that did not happen.


So really I understand what you say, unfortunately immigration law is not about who fault was in here or if she cheated on you or not, the point here is that you are the alien and the benefit only is granted due to several factors that you MUST meet, if not, well there is no such thing of "I don't think I should go", that's a fair wish, but not necessarily valid...right now you are still married with her and you "enter" in the marriage not thinking that this was going to happen if that so, then you have alternatives...but let's face it...this is not about "how bad your wife was" you are no angel either eh...I don't know if many people want to be with a person with a misdemeanor in marijuana don't you think? So the point here is not how bad your US citizen could be (in the other hand there are many aliens who ONLY marry for a card, so thanks to them we are over more scrutinity) the point here is that you want to stay regardless of all the negativity involve in your case.

I wish you luck and FOCUS in what you can do with the time that is given to you. Check with a lawyer which is the best bet to really know what are your alternatives. If there is no alternative, at least I would be checking whatever financial liability that is attach to her and get that done. And leave the country in financial peace if that the case at the end of your story.

Work and live in the US is just step in your life, don't consider that is the end of your world. The only thing that has no solution in life is death.

Good luck, Cherr.
 
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