The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
>>
>>FISHERMAN
>>Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must
>>have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
>>
>>SALESMAN
>>Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine
article.
>>One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now
looking for
>>a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car
and
>>successful career!
>>
>>ECONOMIST
>>I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high.
>>However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a
burden
>>upon the national interest.
>>
>>MATHEMATICIAN
>>Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate
and
>>understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my
family
>>unit.
>>
>>IT CONSULTANT
>>Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of
my
>>current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
>>injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
>>Compatibility could be an issue.
>>
>>BUSINESS MAN
>>Wife wanted for company.
>>
>>POLITICIAN
>>I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to
>>harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences
and
>>short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our
>>lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social
>>responsibilities, as we should in a civilized
society.................
>>(etc etc and never getting to the point)
>>
>>CAR DEALER
>>Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in
excellent
>>working condition.
>>
>>FARMER
>>Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
>>
>>LAWYER
>>I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the
post
>>of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be
strictly
>>-a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support
this
>>view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to
the
>>service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would
be
>>overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as
all
>>liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of
any
>>kind whatsoever.
>>
>>PILOT
>>Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed
applicants.
>>She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly
on the
>>ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely
must
>>also be aerodynamically sound!!!
>>
>>BANKER
>>Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
>>
>>SHAAYAR
>>Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda
ho
>>jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey
>>sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur
keh
>>kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
>>
>>ACCOUNTANT
>>Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures.
She
>>must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature
>>should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
She
>>should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
>>
>>SHIRABI
>>Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory.
I am
>>an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends
>>come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me
from
>>bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial.
Sample
>>should be ample.
>>
>>MINICAB DRIVER
>>Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from
base,
>>erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary,
but
>>map reading skills are a bonus.
>>
>>BEGGAR
>>Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee
dey
>>dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery
>>hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
>>
>>BUILDER
>>Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be
>>homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
>>
>>DOCTOR
>>I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if
you
>>feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
>>
>>ARMY COMMANDO
>>My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
>>applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who
dares
>>wins. Camouflage provided.
>>
>>RACE CAR DRIVER
>>A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able
to
>>keep pace!
>>
>>ASTRONAUT
>>I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to
share my
>>universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
>
>>
>>FISHERMAN
>>Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must
>>have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
>>
>>SALESMAN
>>Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine
article.
>>One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now
looking for
>>a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car
and
>>successful career!
>>
>>ECONOMIST
>>I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high.
>>However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a
burden
>>upon the national interest.
>>
>>MATHEMATICIAN
>>Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate
and
>>understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my
family
>>unit.
>>
>>IT CONSULTANT
>>Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of
my
>>current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the
>>injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency.
>>Compatibility could be an issue.
>>
>>BUSINESS MAN
>>Wife wanted for company.
>>
>>POLITICIAN
>>I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to
>>harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences
and
>>short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our
>>lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social
>>responsibilities, as we should in a civilized
society.................
>>(etc etc and never getting to the point)
>>
>>CAR DEALER
>>Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in
excellent
>>working condition.
>>
>>FARMER
>>Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
>>
>>LAWYER
>>I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the
post
>>of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be
strictly
>>-a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support
this
>>view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to
the
>>service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would
be
>>overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as
all
>>liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of
any
>>kind whatsoever.
>>
>>PILOT
>>Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed
applicants.
>>She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly
on the
>>ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely
must
>>also be aerodynamically sound!!!
>>
>>BANKER
>>Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
>>
>>SHAAYAR
>>Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda
ho
>>jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey
>>sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur
keh
>>kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
>>
>>ACCOUNTANT
>>Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures.
She
>>must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature
>>should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible.
She
>>should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
>>
>>SHIRABI
>>Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory.
I am
>>an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends
>>come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me
from
>>bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial.
Sample
>>should be ample.
>>
>>MINICAB DRIVER
>>Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from
base,
>>erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary,
but
>>map reading skills are a bonus.
>>
>>BEGGAR
>>Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee
dey
>>dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery
>>hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
>>
>>BUILDER
>>Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be
>>homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
>>
>>DOCTOR
>>I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if
you
>>feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
>>
>>ARMY COMMANDO
>>My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful
>>applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who
dares
>>wins. Camouflage provided.
>>
>>RACE CAR DRIVER
>>A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able
to
>>keep pace!
>>
>>ASTRONAUT
>>I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to
share my
>>universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
>
