patienceGC
Registered Users (C)
2003 Darwin Awards
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When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
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And now, the honorable mentions.
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The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance_ company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a_ look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
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A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a_ blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehi! cle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting_ from Harare to Bulaweyo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,_ the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride._ He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
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The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
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A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the_ $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
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(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
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A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a_ gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing._ It_ probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't_ have drawn and fired before the thief_ got him._ The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event,_ the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
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Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking_ him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
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_As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her_ purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher._ Within minutes, the police_ apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store._ The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,_ "Yes, officer, that's her._ That's the lady I stole the purse from."
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The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.__ The_ clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register_ without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,_ frustrated, walked away.
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Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck._ Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still_ attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to_ the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
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A 5-STAR DARWIN AWARD WINNER!
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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at_ the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
_
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
_
The_ owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
_
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
_
And now, the honorable mentions.
_
******************************
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance_ company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a_ look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
_
******************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a_ blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehi! cle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
_
******************************
_
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting_ from Harare to Bulaweyo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,_ the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride._ He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
_
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
_
******************************
_
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the_ $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
_
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
_
******************************
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a_ gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing._ It_ probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't_ have drawn and fired before the thief_ got him._ The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event,_ the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
_
******************************
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking_ him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
_
******************************
_As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her_ purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher._ Within minutes, the police_ apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store._ The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,_ "Yes, officer, that's her._ That's the lady I stole the purse from."
_
******************************
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.__ The_ clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register_ without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,_ frustrated, walked away.
_
******************************
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck._ Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still_ attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to_ the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
_
******************************
_
A 5-STAR DARWIN AWARD WINNER!
_
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at_ the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
_
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
_
The_ owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
