***TGIF***

G

GC050102

Registered Users (C)
Nobody started TGIF.........so, here I go....

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Potential & Reality

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."
 
DIGITAL RAMAYANA

PART-I>

LAN, LAN ago, in the land of I/O-dhya, there ruled a king named DOS-rat. Three queens had he - CONSOLE-ya, CHECKSUM-itra and CIE/CAE (Kaikeyi). However, he had no line drivers - i.e. no one to perpetuate his line. In sheer desperation, he performed a great sacrifice after which his queens gave birth to four sons - RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM was a microchip off the old block - he had an excellent memory, he logged in quickly and semi- conducted himself in a manner fit for a king. His brothers, however, were only perpheralI ICs; everytime RAM addressed them, they said, "I-C". Once when RAM was only sixteen years old, the great sage Vish-WAN-mitra sought his help to fight some DAEMONs who persistently RAIDed his hermitage. After a brief collision, RAM routed them so easily that he came to be called DAEMON ROUTER. RAM then proceeded to Media, where he married Pricess C+ta. C+ta's sisters, who were not her blood sisters and hence called TRAN-sisters, married RAM's ICs. This ceremony came to be known as TTL. On the way back to I/O-dhya, the entourage met Parasu-ROM (or P-ROM as he was better known), the scourge of the kshatriyas. Taking up the P-ROM challenge, RAM aimed an arrow at him; he threatened to take away P-ROM's powers of locomotion, thereby converting him to Static RAM. P-ROM humbly withdrew and the procession reached I/O-dhya. Twelve years passed and DOS-rat decided to crown RAM as his successor. However, CIE/CAE, at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), insisted that her son Bug-rat be crowned king and that RAM be banished to the forest for fourteen years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a surge passed thru DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to go to forest and C+ta insisted to go with him. She said that at the time of her marriage, her father had advised her to follow the footsteps of her husband like a shadow, hence, she came to be called SHADOW-RAM. LSI-man was also resolved on accompanying his brother. Unable to bear separation, DOS-rat died, setting the precedent that no system could function in the absence of RAM. The forest was the dwelling of SPARC-nakha, the sister of RAW-van, King of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM routed her to LSI-man, who also politely declined. Perceiving C+ta to be the source code of her distress, she hastened to kill her. At this stage LSI-man executed the Memory resident code and converted SPARC-naak to SPARC-no-naak. Weeping, SPARC-no-naak fled to LAN-ka, where RAW- van, moved by sisters plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. Ignoring MAR-icha's compilation warnings not to RISC SPARC-ing a war with RAM, he insisted on going ahead. Accordingly, MAR-icha transformed himself into the form of golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this Virtual RAM cry, C+ta urged LSI-man to his brothers aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van delinked C+ta from her library and changed her root directory to LAN-ka.



Stay tuned for Part II.
munnabhai02
 
Prophet Mommad dies and goes to "heaven":D. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!"

Mommad says "Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." St. Peter says, "Oh... Allah. He is upstairs."

Mommad says, "Well of course, Allah is upstairs!" He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus.

Jesus says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!" And the Muslim says "Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah."

Jesus says "But of course...Allah is upstairs, top floor."

The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, "Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!"

At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter."

As expected, the Mommad says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies "I understand, my child...Allah is here. But he is busy right now. Why don't you have a seat and wait for him?"

Mommad is so excited that his Allah is so important, after all he always believed this was so. The Lord says to the Mommad "Why you must be parched, would you like a drink?"

Mommad says, "Yes, I would like a drink. I would like that very much."

And the Lord asks, "Would you like a Coke?"

Mommad says "Yes, that sounds good, thank you."

The Lord says, "It does indeed. I think I'll join you."

And with that the Lord snapped his fingers and said, "Allah, bring two cokes!"

is a JOKE :D:D
 
Musharraf and Giani Zail Singhji are caught in Saudi Land arguing with each other.
They are given 50 lashes each as punishment. However being state dignitaires they are given a choice to ease their pain, by having anything available in the room to be tied to their back.

Musharraf (sly one) asks for a thick pillow on his back. However the pillow tears after a lash and he bears the brunt of the remaining 49 lashes.

Gianji, with an everlasting smile on his face asks for 100 lashes. The Saudis are amazed *?:/

Why the hell would you want 100 lashes ?

Says Gianiji : tie Musharraf on my back...


:) :) :)
 
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them", the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."


munnabhai02
 
pathetic jokes

munnabhai02 and GC050102.

I dont think that your jokes are worth even a smile.


They are completely stupid and pathetic.

They represent your thinking and what kind of stuff makes you laugh.
 
nikkie2

nikkie2 you are a BIG JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a big laugh reading your post..

whats wrong with these Jokes if you don't like them don't read them.
 
Have a Nice Weekend

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after
his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a
brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man
dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses,
TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out
and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep
you have, will you giveme one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks
at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the
mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground
using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled
with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150
page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to
the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep
here."

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have
your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in
the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and
asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my
animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?" The shepherd
says, "You are an IT consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man. "Very simple,"
answers the shepherd.
First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.
Third, you don't understand anything about my business...
Now can I have my dog back?
 
oh Ya !!!!!!

"This Nikkie thingi needs some treatment.
Well baby, you are on the watchlist now."

Oh no I am scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What will u do reject my case.
Watchlist my foot.

You big mouth what do u think you r GOD!!!!!!

I guess the story of husband and wife that u narrated as a joke was u. No wonder it was so funny .
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hey you
I can argue over it day and night.
Nobody invited me to post a joke and nobody invited you to read it. I do not read all the post. Nobody can force me to. right?
If you feel that this post contains jokes and you donot want to smile, don't open the thread. If in case you read it, just don't smile and get busy with your work. I am posting jokes for my own personal pleasure. and not to irritate somebody.
If you cannot smile, keep your ass off and close the forum.
DONOT criticize. You are most welcome to post anything you want.
You don't have to take permission from anyone. Its the same for me too.
If you have any other concerns, tell me.
I am not a big mouth. Its an answer for people like you when limits are crossed.
I hope I am clear.
 
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