1amShantanuB
Banned
Why did the gujju go to London?
To see BIG BEHN.
To see BIG BEHN.
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Top 10 Funny Store Signs
Top 10 Funny Store Signs
1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."
2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."
4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"
5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
Top 10 Funny Store Signs
1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."
2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."
4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"
5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
A Blonde's Brain At Work
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
vijayrc
Registered Users (C)
The Perfect Couple
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
Surrogate Father & Photographer
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and they decided to use a surrogate father to start a family. On the day the proxy dad was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. He should be here soon."
About a half hour after Mr. Smith departed, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer rang the Smiths' doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, madam," the baby photographer said as Mrs. Smith answered the bell.
"I have come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in. "I have been expecting you."
"Really?" said the photographer. "Well, good! I've made a speciality of babies."
"That's what my husband said. Please come in and have a seat," said Mrs. Smith. After a moment, Mrs. Smith asked, blushing: "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me," said the anxious photographer. "I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun, too; you can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor?" asked a startled Mrs. Smith. "No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I am sure you will be pleased with the results."
"My! That's a lot of..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time," responded the photographer. "I would love to be in and out in five minutes, but you would be disappointed with that, I am sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer pulled out a briefcase and took out a portfolio of some of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in London."
"My god!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you consider that their mother was so difficult to work with," he said.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I am afraid so," he said. "We finally had to go down to the city park to get the job done right. People were crowded around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, with eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," said the photographer. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling-I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your...um...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work."
"Tripod?!"
"Oh, yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's just so big and heavy... Madam??
"Good Lord", she fainted!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and they decided to use a surrogate father to start a family. On the day the proxy dad was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. He should be here soon."
About a half hour after Mr. Smith departed, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer rang the Smiths' doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, madam," the baby photographer said as Mrs. Smith answered the bell.
"I have come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in. "I have been expecting you."
"Really?" said the photographer. "Well, good! I've made a speciality of babies."
"That's what my husband said. Please come in and have a seat," said Mrs. Smith. After a moment, Mrs. Smith asked, blushing: "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me," said the anxious photographer. "I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun, too; you can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor?" asked a startled Mrs. Smith. "No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I am sure you will be pleased with the results."
"My! That's a lot of..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time," responded the photographer. "I would love to be in and out in five minutes, but you would be disappointed with that, I am sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer pulled out a briefcase and took out a portfolio of some of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in London."
"My god!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you consider that their mother was so difficult to work with," he said.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I am afraid so," he said. "We finally had to go down to the city park to get the job done right. People were crowded around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, with eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," said the photographer. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling-I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your...um...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work."
"Tripod?!"
"Oh, yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's just so big and heavy... Madam??
"Good Lord", she fainted!