***TGIF***- HomeLand Security
- Thread starter reach_honey
- Start date
Good One. Could be better if posted here itself.
HERE'S HOW THE SCENE OF ORDERING PIZZA WOULD BE IN 2004
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your order?"
Customer: "I am..."
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr XYZ and you're calling from 17 Main St.
Your home number is 666 666 6666, office 777 777 7777 and cell is 888 888 8888
Customer: "How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the new system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "WHAT ?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and high cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "WHAT?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza.You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $ 49.99
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $3720.55 since October last year"
Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw Some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Hummer ..."
Customer: " What !"
Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Hummer, registration number ABC1234..."
Customer: " F*'!^K *%^**%^I7*"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 You were convicted of using abusive language ?"
Customer: [Speechless]
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer:<hung up>
HERE'S HOW THE SCENE OF ORDERING PIZZA WOULD BE IN 2004
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your order?"
Customer: "I am..."
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr XYZ and you're calling from 17 Main St.
Your home number is 666 666 6666, office 777 777 7777 and cell is 888 888 8888
Customer: "How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the new system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "WHAT ?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and high cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "WHAT?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza.You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $ 49.99
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $3720.55 since October last year"
Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw Some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Hummer ..."
Customer: " What !"
Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Hummer, registration number ABC1234..."
Customer: " F*'!^K *%^**%^I7*"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 You were convicted of using abusive language ?"
Customer: [Speechless]
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer:<hung up>
Green_love
Registered Users (C)
Teacher and Students
A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby.
>She said " Let's start with the boys first. Boys start giving their intro.
>First boy : " My name is john, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub. "
>Teacher was confused to listen and said "intresting - well, ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok john. Yes next-"
>Second boy : " myself peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub"
>Teacher now got surprised and said " gooodd.. I like the spirit of supporting a friend . ok next - "
>Third boy : I m smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub
>Teacher: " guys are u joking or what? please be sincere. Ok next - "
>This continues, and the last boy stands up : I m herry, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub "
>Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach ungrown boyz for long. Any way, now the girls please"
>First girl : I m july and my hobby is to see birds "
>Teacher : "gooodd. At last I got something different. Ok next-"
>Second : I m ruby and I like to collect perfumes "
>Teacher : " now its like educated grown up girls . ok next - u sweet girl- yes u"
>Most beautiful girl of the class : "Mam my name is Bubble, and hobby is to take bath three times a day " !!!
A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby.
>She said " Let's start with the boys first. Boys start giving their intro.
>First boy : " My name is john, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub. "
>Teacher was confused to listen and said "intresting - well, ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok john. Yes next-"
>Second boy : " myself peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub"
>Teacher now got surprised and said " gooodd.. I like the spirit of supporting a friend . ok next - "
>Third boy : I m smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub
>Teacher: " guys are u joking or what? please be sincere. Ok next - "
>This continues, and the last boy stands up : I m herry, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bath tub "
>Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach ungrown boyz for long. Any way, now the girls please"
>First girl : I m july and my hobby is to see birds "
>Teacher : "gooodd. At last I got something different. Ok next-"
>Second : I m ruby and I like to collect perfumes "
>Teacher : " now its like educated grown up girls . ok next - u sweet girl- yes u"
>Most beautiful girl of the class : "Mam my name is Bubble, and hobby is to take bath three times a day " !!!
patienceGC
Registered Users (C)
The following picture was published
in the chicago tribune. It has not been doctored :
in the chicago tribune. It has not been doctored :
Krishna: Arjun , Try to respect the e-mails of your elders .
Arjun: But Vasudev, how dare I send junk mails to my honourable elders who are logged on to honourable domains ?
Krishna: Paarth, at this moment they neither are your friend nor your foes. They are mere mail-users. So follow your Net-dharma. Logon and send dozens of junk mails. This is your Karma and this alone is your Dharma.
Arjun: Hey Murari ! After seeing all this , I feel like resigning from Software Industry itself .
Krishna: Bandhu, it seems you are caught in a vicious circle of Maaya. In this material world you have none and you are commited to none. Junk mails have existed before you came to this world and shall remain long after you are gone. Rise above this Maaya and perform your duty. Just keep sending junk mails.
Arjun: But Devaki Nandan...........!
Krishna: ...Victory or failure is not in your hands. So stop pondering about results. Don't waste your knowledge on the junk shastra bestowed by your Guru Dronacharya.
Arjun: Hey Keshav, how is junk mail related to the ' system ' ?
Krishna: Junk mail is just junk mail. It has no connection with Hardware. However, it is another matter that it overloads the system... fills up the hard disk....but you are not supposed to worry about it. Listen Kunti putra, the way Aatma leaves one physical body and moves onto another,likewise these junk mails move from system to system.
Arjun: How can one define junk mail ?
Krishna: Neither fire can burn it.., nor air can dry it... neither it can be conqured nor it can be defeated. He who sends junk mails cannot be looked down upon even by Mahadev... Junk mails are immortal.
Arjun: Hey Narayan ! Now all my doubts on junk mail are crystal clear. You have opened my eyes Yashoda Nandan, or else I would have lost myself in Maaya and read all the junk mails myself.
........... MAHAAABHAAAAARAT ............
Years have passed since then, generations have come and gone, seasons have cycled, technology advanced, but junk mails remain. So, go on, contribute something to the history by hitting that forward button yet again to send this junk mail to all !!!!!!
Arjun: But Vasudev, how dare I send junk mails to my honourable elders who are logged on to honourable domains ?
Krishna: Paarth, at this moment they neither are your friend nor your foes. They are mere mail-users. So follow your Net-dharma. Logon and send dozens of junk mails. This is your Karma and this alone is your Dharma.
Arjun: Hey Murari ! After seeing all this , I feel like resigning from Software Industry itself .
Krishna: Bandhu, it seems you are caught in a vicious circle of Maaya. In this material world you have none and you are commited to none. Junk mails have existed before you came to this world and shall remain long after you are gone. Rise above this Maaya and perform your duty. Just keep sending junk mails.
Arjun: But Devaki Nandan...........!
Krishna: ...Victory or failure is not in your hands. So stop pondering about results. Don't waste your knowledge on the junk shastra bestowed by your Guru Dronacharya.
Arjun: Hey Keshav, how is junk mail related to the ' system ' ?
Krishna: Junk mail is just junk mail. It has no connection with Hardware. However, it is another matter that it overloads the system... fills up the hard disk....but you are not supposed to worry about it. Listen Kunti putra, the way Aatma leaves one physical body and moves onto another,likewise these junk mails move from system to system.
Arjun: How can one define junk mail ?
Krishna: Neither fire can burn it.., nor air can dry it... neither it can be conqured nor it can be defeated. He who sends junk mails cannot be looked down upon even by Mahadev... Junk mails are immortal.
Arjun: Hey Narayan ! Now all my doubts on junk mail are crystal clear. You have opened my eyes Yashoda Nandan, or else I would have lost myself in Maaya and read all the junk mails myself.
........... MAHAAABHAAAAARAT ............
Years have passed since then, generations have come and gone, seasons have cycled, technology advanced, but junk mails remain. So, go on, contribute something to the history by hitting that forward button yet again to send this junk mail to all !!!!!!
Test you IQ
Q. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
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Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
4. Ques - .SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
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Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
5. Q- Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
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why ?? why ??
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Tendulkar is an opener
6. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
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Dil Chhata Hai!
7 . Q: Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
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Socho socho
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aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
8. What will! u call a person who is leaving India??
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Socho...............
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Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
9. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha...................................?
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Answer) adidas
10. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fells into the well. Why ?
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Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
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OK lot's of head scratching done.
Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Want one more...
Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
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nahi pata..??
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answer) D'Cold
chain ki saans - D'cold
chalo ab batao...
Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
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this is quite simple..
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answer) D'Cold again
kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :O))))))))))))
Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the.
Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?
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Because Mayuri 'can - go'.
Ek aur.....
Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon??
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think harder...
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Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...
Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe .....
kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai
why???
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Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!
aur chhaiye. ? ..theek hai
Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the... bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata
Qyo???
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Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha
aakhri sawaal
Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata
Qyo???
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b/s pran jaye per bacchan na jaye
Q. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
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Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
4. Ques - .SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
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?
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?
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?
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?
?
?
?
Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
5. Q- Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
?
?
why ?? why ??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Tendulkar is an opener
6. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Dil Chhata Hai!
7 . Q: Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
?
?
Socho socho
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
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?
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aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!
8. What will! u call a person who is leaving India??
?
?
Socho...............
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
9. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha...................................?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Answer) adidas
10. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv fells into the well. Why ?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
OK lot's of head scratching done.
Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!
Want one more...
Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
nahi pata..??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
answer) D'Cold
chain ki saans - D'cold
chalo ab batao...
Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
this is quite simple..
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
answer) D'Cold again
kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :O))))))))))))
Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade the.
Bus aayi - Mayuri gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Because Mayuri 'can - go'.
Ek aur.....
Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada - kyon??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
think harder...
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...
Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe .....
kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai
why???
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!
aur chhaiye. ? ..theek hai
Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade the... bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti Kapoor nahin jata
Qyo???
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar raha tha
aakhri sawaal
Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata
Qyo???
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
b/s pran jaye per bacchan na jaye
Do you ever wonder?.............................Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
and finally...
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do you ever wonder?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.....
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
and finally...
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do you ever wonder?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.....