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It's that time of the week again
Let's start guys 'n gals.
Let's start guys 'n gals.
Preview of TGIF
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Not sure if this is a repeat..
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings.
One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed. A famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was looking forward to his appearance at the church.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed.
The townspeople sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch.
He began to swing it gently back and forth while quietly chanting --"Watch... the watch......
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"Shit!" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings.
One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed. A famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was looking forward to his appearance at the church.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed.
The townspeople sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch.
He began to swing it gently back and forth while quietly chanting --"Watch... the watch......
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"Shit!" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
Bush or Ambush?..
On a propaganda tour through the United States
President George Bush visits a school and explains his
political actions. Afterwards he invites the children
to ask him questions.
Little Bob rises to speak:
Mr. President, I have got three questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less
votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima
was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
Just in that moment the bell for the break rings and
the children run out of the classroom.
When they come back from the break President Bush
encourages them again to ask questions. This time Joey
rises to speak:
Mr. President, I have got five questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less
votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3.Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima
was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4. Why did the bell ring 20 minutes earlier today?
5. Where is Bob???
On a propaganda tour through the United States
President George Bush visits a school and explains his
political actions. Afterwards he invites the children
to ask him questions.
Little Bob rises to speak:
Mr. President, I have got three questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less
votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima
was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
Just in that moment the bell for the break rings and
the children run out of the classroom.
When they come back from the break President Bush
encourages them again to ask questions. This time Joey
rises to speak:
Mr. President, I have got five questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less
votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3.Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima
was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4. Why did the bell ring 20 minutes earlier today?
5. Where is Bob???
"Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on?
He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,"I stuffed them in my boots...""
He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,"I stuffed them in my boots...""
another one.,
"My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores.
One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here."
The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper.
The note read, "Neither does Bob Vila.""
"My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores.
One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here."
The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper.
The note read, "Neither does Bob Vila.""
THIS IS FUNNY..........
Last week I was with one of my summer interns in the lobby when a receptionist complained that her printer wasn't working.
The intern discovered a pen stuck inside the printer. He started to jam his fingers down into the printer to get the pen, but I told him we didn't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.
So he grabbed a piece of paper and started scrawling on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs came in and said he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. This is what he found.......
(see the picture)
Sometimes things don't always come out the way they were meant to.
Last week I was with one of my summer interns in the lobby when a receptionist complained that her printer wasn't working.
The intern discovered a pen stuck inside the printer. He started to jam his fingers down into the printer to get the pen, but I told him we didn't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.
So he grabbed a piece of paper and started scrawling on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs came in and said he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. This is what he found.......
(see the picture)
Sometimes things don't always come out the way they were meant to.
some more lawyers...
What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
A sister-in-law.
Engineering In Hell
-----------------------------
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates
of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls
Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,
and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten
down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff,
and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Lawyer in Heaven
---------------------------
Why'd the lawyer go to Heaven?
Hell was full.
Lawyer and Sperm
----------------------------
What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
A sister-in-law.
Engineering In Hell
-----------------------------
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates
of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls
Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,
and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten
down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff,
and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Lawyer in Heaven
---------------------------
Why'd the lawyer go to Heaven?
Hell was full.
Lawyer and Sperm
----------------------------
What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.