Preview of TGIF

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abhi_01201

Registered Users (C)
Sorry guys - but the only way i see stopping this north south fight ( I am no part of this I am from Kolkata) is to start the Friday jokes. Hopefully this will divert the people :

Things Not to Say to Cops

* I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

* Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

* Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

* Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!

* Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

* I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

* I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

* Bad cop! No donut!

* You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

* Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

* Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops ?

* Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's lightstand.

* Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

* What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

* Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

* Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?
 
Usual clarification - This is not to offend any of my sarder friend here - should be read for pure fun.

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks his, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his
computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
 
Would love to see others adding jokes to this thread

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you
ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed..."
 
This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away. There's a
damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed.
"I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid!
Please send the police," the little old lady repeated.
"But how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"
 
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman are in a bar discussing how stupid their wives are...

The English man says: You know my wife must be the most stupid woman on this planet. There was a sale down at the
supermarket last week, she bought $300 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer...

The Scotsman says: That's nothing, my wife went out last week and bought a brand new car for $8000, and she can't even
drive...

The Irishman says: You think that's stupid, I went home last week and my wife told me that she'd booked herself a two week
holiday in Tenerife. I watched her packing her case and she took nearly 400 condoms with her, and she doesn't even have a
penis...
 
Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they
heard about a contest being offered by the station to
patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went
inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.
"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the
attendant.
"How do we enter ?" asked the first man.
"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you
guess right, you win free sex."
"O.K. I guess 7, " said the first man.
"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. "Come
back soon and try again"
The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get
gas. When they went inside to pay, the second man asked the
attendant if the contest was still going on.
"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number
between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex."
"2" said the second man
"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come
back soon and try again."
As they walked back to the car, the first man said to the
second man "You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is
rigged."
"No way," said the second man. "My wife won twice last week."
 
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