Pl post some good jokes
- Thread starter roran
- Start date
only.
abhi_01201
Registered Users (C)
I will try - Roran
People have been very serious off late -
Let me know if you like this one
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a
miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!" "I just did the
operation,"insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my
father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your
father."
People have been very serious off late -
Let me know if you like this one
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a
miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!" "I just did the
operation,"insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my
father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your
father."
goldrainafterGC
Registered Users (C)
Facts:
1. Major US corporations are setting up offices overseas for tax advantage. Tax is here is high.
2. No Idea what is major exports (income) of US!
3. Japanese and German cars are considered better vehicles than US cars!
4. School education system in India is considered superior to that of US, in terms of the content and speed!
5. Unemployment in US is highest ever and still people are getting layed off !
6. If it is US groom, the parents of the bride think twice for marriage because of the economy here
7. No plan or clue when this economy will turn around.
8. Euro is doing better than USD, (that was why it was created)!
9. We are not used to dating/prom, etc.
Yet, we are all waiting for !-495 approval!!!
In a way we all can be compared to Columbus, trying to venture into discovering something dramatic (or discover India in the US) !!!!
1. Major US corporations are setting up offices overseas for tax advantage. Tax is here is high.
2. No Idea what is major exports (income) of US!
3. Japanese and German cars are considered better vehicles than US cars!
4. School education system in India is considered superior to that of US, in terms of the content and speed!
5. Unemployment in US is highest ever and still people are getting layed off !
6. If it is US groom, the parents of the bride think twice for marriage because of the economy here
7. No plan or clue when this economy will turn around.
8. Euro is doing better than USD, (that was why it was created)!
9. We are not used to dating/prom, etc.
Yet, we are all waiting for !-495 approval!!!
In a way we all can be compared to Columbus, trying to venture into discovering something dramatic (or discover India in the US) !!!!
abhi_01201
Registered Users (C)
Some more priestly stuffs
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.
PRIEST: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
SISTER: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if
we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
PRIEST: You're probably right... Get up and get your own damn blanket.
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.
PRIEST: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
SISTER: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
PRIEST: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket.
Ten minutes later...
SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if
we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
PRIEST: You're probably right... Get up and get your own damn blanket.
The sailor came home from a secret two-year mission only to find his wife with a newborn baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"No!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"No!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped
abhi_01201
Registered Users (C)
More holy stuffs
It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local
Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and
forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave
the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and ran off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath.
The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it." The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?" She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves.
The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down hercheeks. The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so darn funny?" The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."
It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local
Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and
forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave
the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and ran off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath.
The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it." The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?" She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves.
The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down hercheeks. The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so darn funny?" The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."
Heres one.....
What That Was
The day before Thanksgiving this little boy heard his mom and dad
fighting. The husband said to his wife, "You stupid bitch, you have
floppy tits." She wasn't about to be outdone and said, "Well you have
a crooked dick, you bastard." Well, the little boy heard every word
they said. After they got done fighting, he went up to the mom and
asked her what bitches and bastards were. She told him that they were
people. Then he asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were. She told
him that they were coats and hats. The little boy accepted both answers
and went on his way.
The next day, they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and
family. The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving. The
dad cut himself and said "Shit!" Well once again, the boy started asking
questions and asked what "shit" was. The father told him that it
was "shaving cream". The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs
were his mom was stuffing a turkey. When the mom cut herself with a
knife, she said "Fuck!" The boy once again asked what "fuck" was. She
told him that it was "stuffing". About that time, the door bell rang.
When the little boy went to answer the door, it was his grandparents.
Upon opening the door, the little boy said: "Hi bitches and bastards.
Let me take your crooked dicks and floppy tits for you. Dad's upstairs
putting shit on his face and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What That Was
The day before Thanksgiving this little boy heard his mom and dad
fighting. The husband said to his wife, "You stupid bitch, you have
floppy tits." She wasn't about to be outdone and said, "Well you have
a crooked dick, you bastard." Well, the little boy heard every word
they said. After they got done fighting, he went up to the mom and
asked her what bitches and bastards were. She told him that they were
people. Then he asked what crooked dicks and floppy tits were. She told
him that they were coats and hats. The little boy accepted both answers
and went on his way.
The next day, they were getting ready for a huge feast with friends and
family. The little boy went up stairs where his dad was shaving. The
dad cut himself and said "Shit!" Well once again, the boy started asking
questions and asked what "shit" was. The father told him that it
was "shaving cream". The boy accepted this answer and went downstairs
were his mom was stuffing a turkey. When the mom cut herself with a
knife, she said "Fuck!" The boy once again asked what "fuck" was. She
told him that it was "stuffing". About that time, the door bell rang.
When the little boy went to answer the door, it was his grandparents.
Upon opening the door, the little boy said: "Hi bitches and bastards.
Let me take your crooked dicks and floppy tits for you. Dad's upstairs
putting shit on his face and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
abhi_01201
Registered Users (C)
FBI
The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in
and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next
room and kill her."
The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He
puts down the gun and leaves.
The second guy comes in and sits down.
The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the
responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I
can't do it..."
The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes
into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is
followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few
minutes.
The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!"
"The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in
and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next
room and kill her."
The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He
puts down the gun and leaves.
The second guy comes in and sits down.
The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the
responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I
can't do it..."
The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes
into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is
followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few
minutes.
The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!"
"The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
abhi_01201
Registered Users (C)
It will be interesting to see if Roran likes this
Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going
to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he
goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going
to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and rock him until he
goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
