People its friday...

patienceGC

Registered Users (C)
I guess everyone is happy after seeing all the approvals on this board. I am pretty happy but could use some good jokes. So please post if you have any. It will definitely cheer up some of the unfortunate Octoberites who havent heard anything yet! :(
 
Some work for Brain

Not sure, if you can handle some work for Brain, but It's really good.. I could answer only 3 of them...

1.A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full
of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions
that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2.A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for
over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they
both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

3.There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put
all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any
dividers,
and still tell which water came from which jug?

4.What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when
you throw it away?

5.Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?


6.This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find
out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think
nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is
unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may
not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find
out. Try to do so without any coaching!
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The Answers!




1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years
are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her
husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the
ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water
came from which jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's words: hmmmm...
Barbecue.

5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

6. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in
the English language, does not appear once in the
long paragraph.
 
Why Men Pee Standing Up

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.

He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you would like that."

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me." On and on he went like an excited little boy.

So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, "Well, here's the other thing and I guess you can have it." "What's it called? Eve asked.

"Brains" God said.
 
Calming Communications

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, 5 in the third.
They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity.

Here are 16 actual error messages from Japan.
Aren't these better than "Your computer has performed an illegal
operation"?

Below, the essence of Zen:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
 
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