My stepdad married my mother more than two years ago, but until her petition was filed, the immigration told him that he is not yet divorced.
They filed for divorce and took a long time for the other party to respond, or sign the divorce paper, because my step father being as jerk as he is told the other party that he is suing her and she should give him, some money because of the divorce, she did not sign it, many months passed by.
During the first marriage of him and my mother, my mother make me live with them, I thought he is ok, but then, all I ever wanted is to be legal, I don't like to live here in America illegaly, it's really too much to think about, I don't like lieing , and everyday I had to lie because of my status.
He emotionally abusing me since then, since he knows that I badly wanted to get my green card but I couldn't.
He always tells me that since I am already old(19 years old) I WILL NOT BECOME A U.S. Citizen.
To me that is very racist comment.
He just told me that I won't be able to get my Citizenship no matter what, that's how I assume he assumption with.
He is retarded, but he is capable of many things, he can think for himself very well, he can drive, he can do normal things.
Then lately I finally found a job, on my graduation from high school, I can tell that he is being jealous and ask my mother if maybe he could go back to high school and finish his school.
He is just like having a battle with me, because since he is my stepfather my mother always sided to me, whenever he said something about me not getting citizenship.
All I ever wanted is to him to stop saying that, because it is so much to me to just think that I can't go to school because of my illegal status here in the United States.
I just want him to leave me alone but he just tells me a lot of things about being illegal like not being able to get a car or not being able to get a work or go to school or get a job.
I hate being trapped, and so I just close my room and go out and just think of happy thoughts of thinking that one day I'll be able to get away from this mess that I should be able to get my green card. All I wanted is to be like everyone else and be normal with my life.
When I got a job, his house is very very far from where I work, I work until night, and during the day, my mother ask him to give me a ride,
about three times a week he took me to work, other days I walk on foot and took the bus. At night my mother ask him again to get me from work, he is not so happy about it.
Until one day he asks me for money, otherwise he said he won't take me to work.
I don't care, but my mother insists that I should pay him.
With the little money I am making, he ask me for about 40 percent of my money every week.
Nothing much left.
I found a vocational school so I went there, and I am now paying all my money to the school.
I wanted a normal life, I wanted to do something than being public charge.
My life then changes, I feel happier.
When I go to school, I wake up at 4 in the morning, I walk to the bus stop and wait for the bus to arrive at 5:30 in the morning.
I took many bus transfers to get to my school.
When my school schedule change, he always took me ONLy to the bus stop and about 85% of those I took bus.
and the only thing is that he'd pick me up at night.
He then often asks me when he took me to the bus stop, why do I have to go to work, the work is so far from the house.
I don't care, if it's too far,
he don't even asked me he always argue and very angrily telling me
"I don't understand why do you have to go to this very distant to work"
Then many times I told him because this is the only job I could find with my illegal status.
Every time tell it to my face, every day is like emotional,
at work it is hard, I have to wake up early in the morning and up until night, so I could live normally like everyone else.
I have to take busses and transfer and walk, and study, standing in the hot sun all day. It is just so hard. At work I got to do the job 3x harder than other jobs do, and yet still payed very minimum salary.
It is just so vindictive that other people got their driver's license and be able to drive, while I can't.
It is so hard to think that other people got better job than I can't do.
It is so hard to think that my mother who petitioned for me, cannot even say that she is ABLE to support me while staying here in America, because she too can't get a decent job, or she don't want to because she is already senior citizen.
It is so hard that I'm in the United States while left my poor country and all of my family always asked me, why won't I get a job?
and I'm in the United States yet I'm poor as a beggar in third world countries.
I save everything I could to buy one CD in a month.
It is so hard and embarrassing that I'm telling this on the internet but this is just really injustice, and I have no other to talk to with.
I believe that my life have been stolen from me, I cannot go to school, because I can't get a job anymore.
and yet all I think about is happy thinking that one day i'd be able to get away from all of these,
that one day I will get my happy ending.
My stepfather always crush all of that thoughts.
He just sucks all the small happy energy that I have left.
My friend who sells drugs tells me that if you get high you feel that there is no problems anymore.
I just turned 21 barely....
and I'm drinking two bottles of beer everyday.
I don't think that it is fair.
But this is the only getaway I could think about specially when my stepfather who always so intrigue in everything I do even eating food I like to to eat.
He just eat beef all the time and cook his own food, when I wanted to eat food that he couldn't.
I'm just so frustrated that I just wish they'd do something about it.
I asked the women's advocacy but they never returned my email.
I just feels so trapped.
That sometimes with all the many bad lucks happening in my life, I am just thinking that I hope I'd just die drinking beers and smoking, then I'd be able to see my real father to whereever I am going to.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Everyone sees my bitterness and loneliness and sadness, and depression I am going through.
I know that as living in America and working, you should be happy no matter what, but my step father just crush all of that.
He never let me be happy for one simple thing in life.
To even fall in love, he just always wanted me to be a prisoner.
He threatened that I cannot get a boy friend, and all of my interest is is synical interest.
I just feel so hopeless and useless I know this is the sign of emotional abuse.
I don't know who to contact with all of my problems.
I don't even know if anyone is going to reply to this email.
Or read my email at all.
Please forward this to anyone....
and ask for a change in the law...
US who have petition should be able to get a job while waiting in America.
Because it is not our choice to be illegal here in America, and even if it is,
we are already working in our legal status, and we just can't wait for many years before something happen to our cases.
Please forward this to your email and friends and your senators in your area.
And families who are abroad should be able to get here in America while waiting.
Please let the immigration knows how hard it is for US with pending cases our suffering, and the strengths, and many hardships we are dealing with.
God Bless to all of Us
They filed for divorce and took a long time for the other party to respond, or sign the divorce paper, because my step father being as jerk as he is told the other party that he is suing her and she should give him, some money because of the divorce, she did not sign it, many months passed by.
During the first marriage of him and my mother, my mother make me live with them, I thought he is ok, but then, all I ever wanted is to be legal, I don't like to live here in America illegaly, it's really too much to think about, I don't like lieing , and everyday I had to lie because of my status.
He emotionally abusing me since then, since he knows that I badly wanted to get my green card but I couldn't.
He always tells me that since I am already old(19 years old) I WILL NOT BECOME A U.S. Citizen.
To me that is very racist comment.
He just told me that I won't be able to get my Citizenship no matter what, that's how I assume he assumption with.
He is retarded, but he is capable of many things, he can think for himself very well, he can drive, he can do normal things.
Then lately I finally found a job, on my graduation from high school, I can tell that he is being jealous and ask my mother if maybe he could go back to high school and finish his school.
He is just like having a battle with me, because since he is my stepfather my mother always sided to me, whenever he said something about me not getting citizenship.
All I ever wanted is to him to stop saying that, because it is so much to me to just think that I can't go to school because of my illegal status here in the United States.
I just want him to leave me alone but he just tells me a lot of things about being illegal like not being able to get a car or not being able to get a work or go to school or get a job.
I hate being trapped, and so I just close my room and go out and just think of happy thoughts of thinking that one day I'll be able to get away from this mess that I should be able to get my green card. All I wanted is to be like everyone else and be normal with my life.
When I got a job, his house is very very far from where I work, I work until night, and during the day, my mother ask him to give me a ride,
about three times a week he took me to work, other days I walk on foot and took the bus. At night my mother ask him again to get me from work, he is not so happy about it.
Until one day he asks me for money, otherwise he said he won't take me to work.
I don't care, but my mother insists that I should pay him.
With the little money I am making, he ask me for about 40 percent of my money every week.
Nothing much left.
I found a vocational school so I went there, and I am now paying all my money to the school.
I wanted a normal life, I wanted to do something than being public charge.
My life then changes, I feel happier.
When I go to school, I wake up at 4 in the morning, I walk to the bus stop and wait for the bus to arrive at 5:30 in the morning.
I took many bus transfers to get to my school.
When my school schedule change, he always took me ONLy to the bus stop and about 85% of those I took bus.
and the only thing is that he'd pick me up at night.
He then often asks me when he took me to the bus stop, why do I have to go to work, the work is so far from the house.
I don't care, if it's too far,
he don't even asked me he always argue and very angrily telling me
"I don't understand why do you have to go to this very distant to work"
Then many times I told him because this is the only job I could find with my illegal status.
Every time tell it to my face, every day is like emotional,
at work it is hard, I have to wake up early in the morning and up until night, so I could live normally like everyone else.
I have to take busses and transfer and walk, and study, standing in the hot sun all day. It is just so hard. At work I got to do the job 3x harder than other jobs do, and yet still payed very minimum salary.
It is just so vindictive that other people got their driver's license and be able to drive, while I can't.
It is so hard to think that other people got better job than I can't do.
It is so hard to think that my mother who petitioned for me, cannot even say that she is ABLE to support me while staying here in America, because she too can't get a decent job, or she don't want to because she is already senior citizen.
It is so hard that I'm in the United States while left my poor country and all of my family always asked me, why won't I get a job?
and I'm in the United States yet I'm poor as a beggar in third world countries.
I save everything I could to buy one CD in a month.
It is so hard and embarrassing that I'm telling this on the internet but this is just really injustice, and I have no other to talk to with.
I believe that my life have been stolen from me, I cannot go to school, because I can't get a job anymore.
and yet all I think about is happy thinking that one day i'd be able to get away from all of these,
that one day I will get my happy ending.
My stepfather always crush all of that thoughts.
He just sucks all the small happy energy that I have left.
My friend who sells drugs tells me that if you get high you feel that there is no problems anymore.
I just turned 21 barely....
and I'm drinking two bottles of beer everyday.
I don't think that it is fair.
But this is the only getaway I could think about specially when my stepfather who always so intrigue in everything I do even eating food I like to to eat.
He just eat beef all the time and cook his own food, when I wanted to eat food that he couldn't.
I'm just so frustrated that I just wish they'd do something about it.
I asked the women's advocacy but they never returned my email.
I just feels so trapped.
That sometimes with all the many bad lucks happening in my life, I am just thinking that I hope I'd just die drinking beers and smoking, then I'd be able to see my real father to whereever I am going to.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Everyone sees my bitterness and loneliness and sadness, and depression I am going through.
I know that as living in America and working, you should be happy no matter what, but my step father just crush all of that.
He never let me be happy for one simple thing in life.
To even fall in love, he just always wanted me to be a prisoner.
He threatened that I cannot get a boy friend, and all of my interest is is synical interest.
I just feel so hopeless and useless I know this is the sign of emotional abuse.
I don't know who to contact with all of my problems.
I don't even know if anyone is going to reply to this email.
Or read my email at all.
Please forward this to anyone....
and ask for a change in the law...
US who have petition should be able to get a job while waiting in America.
Because it is not our choice to be illegal here in America, and even if it is,
we are already working in our legal status, and we just can't wait for many years before something happen to our cases.
Please forward this to your email and friends and your senators in your area.
And families who are abroad should be able to get here in America while waiting.
Please let the immigration knows how hard it is for US with pending cases our suffering, and the strengths, and many hardships we are dealing with.
God Bless to all of Us