vulpasin said:
Head up man! A true soldier never surrender. You proved your strenght on that freezing hill, new year's eve 2001. We both know that mental pressure is worse that physical one, but you have to be strong. I've seen that you spend a lot of time in this forum, like you don't have a life of your own to live. Remember, you have to live normally and to take care of yourself, if you get sick or if you loose your job, your life is gonna be a living hell, much worse than is now. My advice for you, my friend, is: eat good, sleep good, have a healthy sex life
, don't neglect your job, and not in the last place, have some fun once in a while and take a break from all these torturing and stressful matters which are making your life mizerable.
Believe me, chronic anxiety or depression is something you don't want to experience. I've been there and at that time I was saying that I rather suffer from the pain of a broken leg than all those anxiety attacks and the permanent state of anxiety. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I felt like throwing-up all the time, I was shaking permanetly.
My doctor sent me to a shrink. I didn't go, I read a lot about this terrible disease, and after more than one year I overcome it. All the secret is to control yourself and never let stress to overwhelm you. Unless this Citizenship is a matter of life or death for you (and I hope is not) just put the necessary amount of energy on the matter and don't let it rule your day by day living, and always remember:
Life goes on, just try to make the best of it, cause you have only one 
A few days ago I've celebrated 15 years of America, 15 years of an ongoing struggle with INS and their draconic system of immigrating. I have friends from my old country who went 4 years ago to Canada and today they are Canadian Citizens.
I have a friend who came in U.S. two moths before me, he was a teacher here for more than 10 years, and 3 years ago, after 12 years of waiting for GC he gave-up and went back. I don't want to go to Canada just because
I know that I have an almost perfect score and I'll be accepted right away and become a Citizen in few years. Also I'll never-ever give up in my "fight" with the INS, but (and this is the message I have for you)
I'll always keep in mind that my life and my health are more important than anything, and live accordingly. (Or almost anything, in my case, my 17 months old daughter is the most important "thing" in the Universe
)
Vulpasin, thank you so much for your encouraging words. They really mean a lot to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Everything you said is absolutely correct. However let me say this: This plight with USCIS has changed the course of my life, and this for the better. I am a much better person now because of this experience. This incident developed my character, and my will. Also I received a lot of training in perseverance and patience, which are two positive emotions. The plans I had for my future before this ordeal are totally different from the one I have now.
So far 2004 was the worst year in my life. I was very depressed and stressed out. I truly believed at the time that somebody put something dangerous in my file or the government are making some mistake. I used to get these crazy thoughts about my previous neighbors and roommates being criminals or terrorists. It was a terrible period. In June 2004 I decided to forget about my case. The only action I took on my case was filing an Ar-11. Surprisingly, at the time I moved to Maryland, and did not even tell my old congressman's office. In Oct 2004, I received an almost one-month old letter which was forwarded twice through the post office and via two address changes to me from my old congressman with a
final notice to deny my application for failure to perform a second FP. They alleged that my old FP did expire in Feb 2004, but no one told me when I was still in California. They waited until I moved in June 2004 to send a FP notice to my old address (although I have filed two AR-11s and called them twice to report the change of address). I don't know who and how they decided to send the final notice to deny to my Congressman. Maybe the Congressional liaison did. His office saved my case. So in this matter, my Congressman was helpful and I thank his office for that.
But to be honest, number 1 I wasn't surprised about this, and number 2 I didn't even care. I swear, I didn’t care if they denied the case. I was just fed up. Yet, the second day I went and got my FP done and forgot about the case once again. In Jan 2005, I received a notice to show up for an interview. Again, it didn't mean anything for me as I have received an interview notice before, showed up at the DO, just to be told that my file is missing, and that CIS made a mistake by giving me an interview. But one week before the interview, strange things started to happen: First I received an interview letter, then second I received a letter canceling the interview. I called the 800# and some school drop-out advised me not to show up on the Interview date. She insisted that I should not show up quoting the Bible and many other Holy Books, declaring that it would be a sin if I do go to the office (OK just kidding), but really she was adamant about this. I thanked her for her service to CIS and hanged up. That night for the first time I joined this great website. January 31, 2005. I was really puzzled. I didn't know what to do. That day I stayed up late, asking questions, and reading. I learned a lot during that night especially thanks to Rahul Kumar who put everything into perspective. Before I didn't even know there was something called a name check. You see in the military you are surrounded by US citizens who are clueless about immigration. When I researched the internet in 2003 looking for Discussion groups, I found ilw.com who was full of bigots, anti-immigration pundits, and other simple AOS cases. Every time I posted my story there, I got people saying: "I am praying for you...I am praying for you…Good luck, Hang in there". I received a lot of prayers but nevertheless no answers. Prayer is good and I believe in it, but I needed some advice. So this was the only time I looked online.
But there was something about Rahul’s story that attracted me. I related to it very much. I felt better to know that he went through a long wait, fought back, and received his Citizenship, and I used him as an example. I decided that night to take action.
What I did the next day was unimaginable. I went to the interview and acted like the only letter I’ve received was the interview letter. I didn't even mention the cancellation notice. I was sitting there for 2 hours and a half waiting for some @sshole (excuse my French) to come out and tell me how sorry CIS is for making yet another mistake, and I was ready to speak to a supervisor. I swear I was ready to keep demanding that this happen, but some female officer came out and conducted interview. I was surprised, happy, excited, every emotion you can think of in one person. Finally she said my background was pending...And here we are.
Since January 31, 2005, and from the week I received that insipid letter I decided I had to take action. I stopped everything. I said this craziness had to stop. I did something everyday. Even if it is just calling the 800# and asking for a case status.
Finally I filed the lawsuit and the case is moving. My Journey toward Citizenship is not over. I didn't do anything in 2003 and 2004 because I didn't know what to do. I received the wrong advice from the wrong people. Mostly US citizens who told me to wait. You can't blame them because they can never understand. Let me repeat that: THEY CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND. Lack of knowledge cost me two years. Now and since I knew what I could do, whether it is a FOIA, a phone call, or a lawsuit, I took action, and although I had few down moments, in general I am feeling great about the process. I think I can confidently say that I now can see the light at the end of this dark and long tunnel. Not knowing what to do for two years made me to fervently want to share every piece of information I learn everyday. I don't want other immigrants to feel powerless and overwhelmed by this process. Everyone can take action. Everyone can make it.
Good luck everyone, and thank you for you kind attention.
