Registered Users (C)
English makes sense:
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose,
but two are called geese
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always men
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those
yet hat in the plural would never be hose
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
but imagine the feminine she, shis and shim.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England.

Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing?
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
A house can burn up as it burns down?
You fill in a form by filling it out?

An alarm goes off by going on?
gambler: good ones.

Quick Thinker

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here."

"Where are you from, son?"

"Texas, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

"No shit???" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Genie In A Bottle

A husband and wife were having an argument. Suddenly the husband picked up a bottle lying near him and threw it at his wife. The bottle missed the wife and got into the neighbours' house breaking the window glass.

Now both the husband and wife got embarassed and went to apologise to the neighbour. Upon reaching the house, they found out a young man sitting on a couch with a smile on his face.

Before the couple could say anything, the man said, "I am a genie. I was enclosed in that bottle for many years, but you two have set me free, so ask for any three boons you want to and it shall be fulfilled. But against your three boons you will have to fulfill one wish of mine".

The couple were so happy that they didn't think twice and presented their wishes.

"I want millions of dollars in my account", The husband said.
"Done", said the genie.
"I want diamond jewelleries in all my vaults".
"Done", said the genie.
"I want bunglows all over the world", said the husband.
"Done", said the geniee.

Now it was the time of the genies wish. "So" the genie said, "I have fulfilled all the three wishes you have said, and its time for my wish. I have not slept with a women for long. I wish to have sex with your wife.
The couple got worried, but the husband explained that it was only a genie and it didn't matter much to him. Besides the genie has given them a lot of things. So the wife consented.

The geniee and the wife had a lovely night together.

Finally in the morning the genie said, "it was wonderful but how old is your husband?"
"Why, he is just thirty five"
"My god ", said the geniee, "even at thirty five he still believes in geniees".